My Girlfriend's 'problem' or My 'problem'

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Arnold1N2D

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I don’t know if this is the right forum to seek advice but this is the closest forum that I have found…

I have been in a relationship for four months and I am having a hard time coping up with my girlfriend. So these are the characteristics of my girlfriend:
  1. A little bit bossy
  2. A little bit prideful
A while ago she was having a mood swing, and she sermoned me about my meek behavior that made me look like pitiful and that’s because of her, and I was gonna cry (maybe the way he delivered her sermon to me) then se said “You are going along with my behavior…” like a mother tells her child(I am a bit emotional or probably having low self-esteem the reason why I was gonna cry). She also told me that “I am like this (maybe she’ll be angry to me) to you because I know you will understand me…”. What do you think on what she have told me? Is it right? Am I having issues on myself? What do you think?
 
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In this relationship, it doesn’t matter. The relationship isn’t working. If you’re this unhappy after 4 months, it’s best to end it.

For future relationships, consider what it means to respect someone. Your girlfriend should treat you with decency and respect (as you should do to her). Someone who runs you down or exploits your weaknesses is not a good partner.
 
If you aren’t happy, walk away. Find someone who doesn’t get angry with you “because you will understand them”.
 
Her problem. She isn’t a bit bossy, she is a lot bossy.
You obviously are not comfortable with at least 2 aspects of her personality, and she with yours. Best to walk away now while the relationship is fairly new.
 
Friends do not treat each other this way. She is not your friend. She should not be your girlfriend.

Find a friend.
 
There is potentially a problem in your behavior if you do in fact go along with others’ demands regardless of your own honest concerns.
Although at times compromise is wise and kind, do you allow others to have too much control over your decisions and behavior?
While your girfriend may be bossy, did she utter a truth?
You need to be a good Christian, while also not being a doormat or too easily led.

We can’t accurately assess everything about the truth of your situation.
You do need the maturaity to be able to stand by your values and choices, in a respectful way.
Even if bossy/controling, your girlfriend does want you to be your own true self and your own man.
There could be elements of right and wrong on both sides?
 
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There’s almost never black and white.

My husband takes the subject matter expert approach. If he feels like I am the subject matter expert he goes along with everything. It’s mildly infuriating and times and I have lost my patience.

His areas of expertise and I will typically want to know his thought process. However when it comes to my things he just wants it done.

A good example is cooking. He literally doesn’t care about what he has for lunch. Most days he has a plain sandwich. I can’t even begin to fathom that. To me, food is an adventure and experience with undertones and nuances an a million different flavors to experience. It can be easy to fall into a role after kids where I start treating himself like a preschooler and laying down three bite rules.

However, you are not married for years. You sound very meek. She is very opinionated. It’s not going to work unless both of you commit to changing. She may not be the right woman. She may need a man who has a quick wit and a swift rebuttal. You may need someone who plods along an needs time to think things over.

In short unless you want to make major changes to yourself, this isn’t going to work,
 
I think you need to break up with this girl and find someone who loves, respects and accepts you as you are.
 
Arnold1N2D said:
A little bit prideful
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Man, you can make your own choice. But I’m staying as far away as possible from anyone, and especially as a potential wife, who can’t admit when she is wrong. There’s a difference between the natural tendency to think we’re right or competent, and the giant ego it takes to recast everything as not her fault.

Discern which situation you’re in and run like heck if it’s the second.
 
You both sound very young.
Maybe this is a first relationship for both of you?

If that’s the case, then I would say you’re both still figuring out this “romance” thing together, so a certain amount of stumbling and missteps are to be expected.

Your emotions are your own.
And you can stand up to her.
And maybe she’s looking for somebody she can count on and lean on when the going gets tough, who won’t fold under pressure.

Who knows?

Best of luck
 
Well, from a smart-aleck male perspective, you could tell her to up her Midol dosage. Either she may get the message, or it could lead to a breakup. which to me would not be a bad thing, since if she is like this while you are dating her, imagine how she would be if you were married (not to mention how she would treat the kids, especially when she hits the “change” years). As Proverbs 21:19 states, it is better to dwell in the wilderness than with a quarrelsome woman.
 
Unfortunately, the smart aleck male perspective is sorely lacking. What you are implying is not the problem. And stooping to that kind of a response really is beneath most men’s sensibility, thankfully.
 
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Norseman82 said:
Well, from a smart-aleck male perspective, you could tell her to up her Midol dosage. Either she may get the message, or it could lead to a breakup. which to me would not be a bad thing, since if she is like this while you are dating her, imagine how she would be if you were married (not to mention how she would treat the kids, especially when she hits the “change” years). As Proverbs 21:19 states, it is better to dwell in the wilderness than with a quarrelsome woman.
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Except there is a chance that the OP is in the wrong and his girlfriend is immature and responding to what’s going on immaturely.

It could very well be that his girlfriend would write:

"I have an issue with my boyfriend and he won’t do anything to address it. I literally have to get to the point of yelling before he even acknowledges it and even then he cries rather than tries to address it. He doesn’t understand that when I ask him if I look good for a specific event he’s taking me to and he says “you’re fine”. I’ve asked him if X or Y is expected and he will say “whatever.” This is so embarrassing when I’m overdressed or underdressed. When I tell him this after he says that I’m too particular and I care too much.

I try to ask him what he’d like to do and it’s always “whatever”. When I say that we should go dancing he doesn’t know how, but would if he could. Then when I got my friend to give us free lessons and I told him we were going he said I was ordering him around. When we play board games he makes no effort to learn the rules and then gets upset (often to the point of tears) when I try to tell him how to play.

He tells me over and over that he wants this relationship, and I’m more than happy to work on myself, but my worry is that he doesn’t do anything to improve himself and respond in any real way.

Should I cut my losses and end it?"

Again, this is a fictitious account, but one that totally jives with the OP’s complaint. Point is that it’s impossible to tell if the OP is at fault, his girlfriend is at fault, or more likely, both are just really immature.
 
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Gotta say, XV, she sounds like the problem in your scenario too…
 
I think there are two problems here:
  1. Her behavior
  2. You tolerating it
You can only control one of the above.
 
:roll_eyes: ok then.

Why don’t you give it a try. Point being is that there are two sides to every story and it could very well be that the OP is at fault or atleast substantially contributing to the issues.
 
Irishmom2 said:
And stooping to that kind of a response really is beneath most men’s sensibility, thankfully.
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That may be the case, but it will kill the accusation of meekness.

And if it is beneath most men’s sensibility, the way the girlfriend is acting is not very ladylike, either, so it cuts both ways.
 
I already gave it a try. It doesn’t matter whose fault it is. In a relationship that is only just beginning, this one sounds like it is not working for the OP. Since he is the one that wrote, my answer is for him. Maybe he does need to do some growing/changing, but she is not the person that is going to nurture him into doing so.
 
It sounds like you both might be the problem. If you are that meek, have low self esteem, and cry when she’s trying to talk to you, that’s probably really frustrating for her. It sounds like she approaches this in the wrong way though- she should not be bossing you around.

If it’s not working, it’s okay to end things. This isn’t a healthy relationship dynamic for either of you.
 
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