My husband, the skeptic

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Hi, everyone … I just joined this board, and was so happy to see this area of it.

I have been married to a wonderful man for a year and a half. He has so many wonderful qualities … He is gentle and goodhearted. (I do animal rescue, and you should have seen how tenderly he bottle-fed the newborn kittens I was caring for.) He is honest and very hard-working. He is the smartest person I know. He can fix ANYTHING, from installing a new toilet to building me a computer. He has a great (and intact!) family. And in an age where many men don’t want their wives to stay home, he is very supportive of my desire to do so.

But to my sorrow, he is not Catholic. He believes in God but does not consider himself a Christian. When I met him, I was more interested in partying and shopping than my faith. After we were engaged and bought a house together, though, I underwent a reconversion. I told him I no longer wanted to sleep with him until after our wedding, and that I was going off the pill and wanted to use NFP instead. He was not thrilled but agreed to both. We had a Catholic wedding, he has always agreed that our kids would be Catholic, and he generally attends Mass with me on Sunday. He has been very accepting of some radical changes in me (changes for the better, IMHO!).

But I just don’t know what to do. The thought of my wonderful, loving husband possibly going to hell causes me so much grief. I pray for him constantly … but he is such a skeptic. I sometimes feel that it would take a literal miracle for him to believe.

He had a rather confused religious upbringing. He was baptized Methodist, then his parents converted, and he had his First Communion – so he is Catholic on a technicality. However, his family quit going to church when he was still quite young, so he was never confirmed. He became involved with an Assemblies of God church as a teen and got turned off to Christianity altogether by that, I think.

I have heard good things about Pat Madrid’s book, but I am worried that if I go around reading it, my DH will feel pressured, and he doesn’t like that. I think he worries that if we met now, that I might not have chosen to marry him, or that I would love him better if we were Catholic. So I don’t push him … I just keep praying and hoping that he will hear something at Mass.

Any prayers and/or suggestions would be most welcome!
 
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Sanveann:
Hi, everyone … I just joined this board, and was so happy to see this area of it.

I have been married to a wonderful man for a year and a half. He has so many wonderful qualities … He is gentle and goodhearted. (I do animal rescue, and you should have seen how tenderly he bottle-fed the newborn kittens I was caring for.) He is honest and very hard-working. He is the smartest person I know. He can fix ANYTHING, from installing a new toilet to building me a computer. He has a great (and intact!) family. And in an age where many men don’t want their wives to stay home, he is very supportive of my desire to do so.

But to my sorrow, he is not Catholic. He believes in God but does not consider himself a Christian. When I met him, I was more interested in partying and shopping than my faith. After we were engaged and bought a house together, though, I underwent a reconversion. I told him I no longer wanted to sleep with him until after our wedding, and that I was going off the pill and wanted to use NFP instead. He was not thrilled but agreed to both. We had a Catholic wedding, he has always agreed that our kids would be Catholic, and he generally attends Mass with me on Sunday. He has been very accepting of some radical changes in me (changes for the better, IMHO!).

But I just don’t know what to do. The thought of my wonderful, loving husband possibly going to hell causes me so much grief. I pray for him constantly … but he is such a skeptic. I sometimes feel that it would take a literal miracle for him to believe.

He had a rather confused religious upbringing. He was baptized Methodist, then his parents converted, and he had his First Communion – so he is Catholic on a technicality. However, his family quit going to church when he was still quite young, so he was never confirmed. He became involved with an Assemblies of God church as a teen and got turned off to Christianity altogether by that, I think.

I have heard good things about Pat Madrid’s book, but I am worried that if I go around reading it, my DH will feel pressured, and he doesn’t like that. I think he worries that if we met now, that I might not have chosen to marry him, or that I would love him better if we were Catholic. So I don’t push him … I just keep praying and hoping that he will hear something at Mass.

Any prayers and/or suggestions would be most welcome!
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I moderate a young adult group and have told them often:
“The ONLY reason you can get married is to help your spouse to join you in heaven. Everything else will follow and fall into place.”

Then I add
“So,… if you ever marry for any OTHER reason, I pray that in time you will build a strong marriage, recognize your ‘mistake’, and renew your marriage committment with a new desire - helping your spouse to get you both to heaven. That is the only real reason God made us.”
 
so you met and got married and then YOU changed so now it is HIS problem?
sounds like a bait and switch

If he is as wonderful as you say then don’t push him too hard
it will just make you both unhappy
be greatful for the good things

take care of your own soul
be a good example
and then maybe he will take care of that speck in his eye
 
so you met and got married and then YOU changed so now it is HIS problem?
sounds like a bait and switch
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I didn’t say it was a problem. I said I was concerned for his soul 🙂
 
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Sanveann:
I didn’t say it was a problem. I said I was concerned for his soul 🙂
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1 Corinthians
Chapter 714: For the unbelieving husband is made holy through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy through the brother. Otherwise your children would be unclean, whereas in fact they are holy.
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Sanveann:
I didn’t say it was a problem. I said I was concerned for his soul 🙂
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1 Corinthians
***Chapter 7: ***14 - For the unbelieving husband is made holy through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy through the brother. Otherwise your children would be unclean, whereas in fact they are holy.
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Just keep loving him and praying for him…God will do the rest.
 

But I just don’t know what to do. The thought of my wonderful, loving husband possibly going to hell causes me so much grief.​

Why would he be going to hell??
 
Hello,

After I became Christian, I too worried about my husband. But I had read somewhere in the bible a Christian woman might be able to convert her husband, not with words but by her example.? Funny I used to read that verse constantly for support and now I can’t remember exactly what it says. Anyway, I knew that if I pushed my husband, he would just resent my religion. Nagging, take my word for it, doesn’t produce results.

My advice is just to live the best Christian life that you can. Be an example to him. I used to come in a non threatening way to my husband with my bible and ask him his opinion on certain verses. This started conversations, but I steered clear of any pressure. I didn’t even mention conversion.

I also prayed. And I prayed hard. I didn’t tell him that I was praying for him, I just let that be my secret with GOd. He is a Christian now-although not Catholic.

The best thing to do is put it in God’s hands. GOd will take care of it for you. Also, ask your husband if he minds attending church with you.
 
Pray to God to soften your husband’s heart in order to hear God’ will. Read about St. Monica. Her entire family was pagan—including husband. He converted in the end after much prayer and sacrifice on her part. Someone told me that St. Monica was advised when worrying so much about St. Augustine (her son),“Talk less to Augustine about God and talk more to God about Augustine”. I try to remember that while I deal with my own husband’s lack of faith. I’ve seen changes in my husband slowly but surely over the last 18 years of marriage. God bless you. Perhaps God put you in your husband’s life to bring him to God.

Giannawannabe
 
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Lilyofthevalley:
Why would he be going to hell??
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Of course, I don’t know that he will be – only God can know that. But Jesus does say “No one can come to the Father except through me” … and I don’t know how my DH could be considered as coming to God through Christ when he doesn’t believe that Jesus was anything other than a historical figure who said some pleasant things about people being nice to each other.
 
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Giannawannabe:
Pray to God to soften your husband’s heart in order to hear God’ will. Read about St. Monica. Her entire family was pagan—including husband. He converted in the end after much prayer and sacrifice on her part.
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St. Monica and I talk quite often! Her story gives me so much courage 🙂

Btw, love your username!
 
I love that St. Monica’s Feast Day is just before school starts in the Fall. I offer my Mass that day for my kids and all the kids starting school.

Thanks for the kind words Sanveann:)

God Bless
Giannawannabe
 
I also was married under similar circumstances to yours. Before we were married, my husband would usually attend mass with me, but I never pushed it, just always asked if he’d like to come along. After we were married this continued. I have to admit I didn’t pray for him as much as I should have, but after 5 years of being “Son”-burned on Sundays, he announced he had signed up for RCIA. Along the way, we had 3 kids and I think that definitely was a factor working on him… he had the responsibilities of these precious souls to father and what morality would he teach them? He came into the Church Easter weekend, 1999, a great day! So, like the others, I advise to keep on praying, keep on attending mass, going to confession and of course, if he opens a door through a question, make sure you know your faith well enough to give him the answer and are able to discuss! God bless…

gloraykid
 
The Catholic Church has a bunch of things that tend to make protestants skin crawl. I’m sure your husband is respectful about things like the Eucharist and Saints and Holy Water and Purgatory etc etc. These are things that cause divisions between Protestants and Catholics.

The common denominator between prots and Catholics is Christ. If you focus on showing him the Eucharist in say (adoration) he may perhaps see it’s validity with Gods help. Once a protestant has this everything else will fall into place.

Another great point is the mass. If you think about the millions of churches out there doing there own thing from Baptist to Congregational, each person is at the mercy of trusting a single preacher doing a single sermon on whatever. With the CC it’s the mass period on world level on a regular basis. This is a million times more effective than the protestant churches sermon of the moment to provide for Gods children.

I would pray to God that he shows him that he is indeed present in the Eucharist… it’s what every protestant is lacking (not of there own fault). I tend harp a bit on the Eucharist as the cure all for prots. But if you think about it … it’s Jesus so it is.

-D
 
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