My husband thinks a divorce is the answer

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My husband has been thinking about the annulment process for some time now. He is not going to covert to Catholocism but I’m in RCIA. My annulment paperwork is ready to go, but he says that he will not go through the annulment process. He says he “just can’t do it with a clear conscience”. He says the only thing he can think of to do, so that I can become Catholic, is to divorce me and get our marriage annulled. Is that our last resort? I mean, this man loves me enough to divorce me so that I can do what’s right for me…cripes! I don’t know what to say to this. Isn’t there something else that we can do so that I can become Catholic and we can stay married? Help!!! 😦
 
Okay- I’m really confused. I have to assume that one (or both) of you was married before you married each other. In this case the previous marriage would have to be annulled but not your current marriage. Or were you and your husband planning to split up before you entered RCIA?

Unless you have one of the two situations I described, why would you need to have your marriage annulled so that you can convert?
 
Okay- I’m having problems posting and I hope I’m not the only one who can read my previous post.
 
did the priest or deacon in charge of RCIA and marriage preparation in your parish interview you throroughly and tell you that one or both of you needs an annulment? Please bring this situation, ideally with both of you present, to your pastor’s attention immediately and get his guidance. Have you already contacted the marriage tribunal and has anyone given you accurate information on what is entailed, what an annulment is (or decree of nullity, the preferable term)? Please do not proceed on opinions gained here or from sources without authority and knowledge of your personal situation. Every situation is unique.
 
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slighty:
My husband has been thinking about the annulment process for some time now. He is not going to covert to Catholocism but I’m in RCIA. My annulment paperwork is ready to go, but he says that he will not go through the annulment process. He says he “just can’t do it with a clear conscience”. He says the only thing he can think of to do, so that I can become Catholic, is to divorce me and get our marriage annulled. Is that our last resort? I mean, this man loves me enough to divorce me so that I can do what’s right for me…cripes! I don’t know what to say to this. Isn’t there something else that we can do so that I can become Catholic and we can stay married? Help!!! 😦
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You didn’t really explain your situation very well. Were you married previously? If so, was it a Catholic marriage? Was it a non-Catholic Christian marriage? Or was your husband married previously? If so, was it a Catholic marriage? Was it a non-Catholic Christian marriage? Whose prior marriage is the annulment paperwork for?
 
I’m sorry, I’m a little frazzled…the details are…I was married before and I’ve been told that my previous marriage is going to be a piece of cake to annul because there was never any consummation of that relationship and because my ex was married before he married me. My present husband was married before also. I don’t know much about his marriage except that he views it as valid marriage and won’t seek an annulment. My church has said that if we don’t both get annulments from our previous marriages, then I can’t be received into the church or take communion, etc. We have spoken to the Father at the church that I attend. He has advised me to continue coming to church and classes and we will discuss it later. I’m just really confused right now. Not about coming into the church, that is my only sure thought right now…that I want to become Catholic. I want to be able to go to confession and take part in communion. I hope that explains it a little better.
 
Slightly,

The man you are with is NOT your husband.

If he wants to be just, he must separate from you as even dating is adulterous. He remains married in the eyes of God.

You both must repent of the scandal you are causing.

He should seek a hearing from the Roman Rota, where he will get a fair hearing on the facts. The same cannot be said in the United States.

I wish you both to follow the truth, cause no scandal and to accept whatever the Rota says. Any other authority cannot be trusted.

Slightly,

I feel for ya kid but its the souls we are talkin about here, yours and those whom you may influence.

Rome is the answer. Your husband can be sure if his final answer is from them. That is my best advice.

Love, that is true, waits and accepts the truth.
All the other stuff is just feelings. Feelings change,
truth doesn’t.
 
Yikes, that is a messy situation.

But it sounds like your husband needs to seek a annulment. Even if you got divroced you still could not live together by anymeans. I would just keep truckin though, maybe he will see how importent it is to you and change his mind,maybe even convert with you this easter. God bless you on your journey.
 
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slighty:
…the details are…I was married before and I’ve been told that my previous marriage is going to be a piece of cake to annul because there was never any consummation of that relationship and because my ex was married before he married me. My present husband was married before also. I don’t know much about his marriage except that he views it as valid marriage and won’t seek an annulment…
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No consummation means no sexual intercourse after you exchanged vows. If that is the case, it doesn’t matter that your ex was married previously. As for your present husband, what is important is how the Catholic Church views the validity of his previous marriage. He needs to explain that to your pastor and go from there.
 
Slightly,

I am sorry you are in this most difficult situation. People can exasperate us with how they think at times. But it is possible that your " civil husband" is correct and he is validly married. In that case the best you will be able to do with him is separate and do all the legal things or live together as brother and sister and hope for a change of heart which may not ever happen. Every now and then I see a convert in your situation and it amazes me how the Lord sends strenght and comfort. But it will not be easy to get to that point. Pray really hard for what you desire and the strength and peace to live with it if your prayers are not answered the way you want them to be. Saints have done it .
I’ll pray for you as well.
 
Hmmmm… he “loves” you so much that he is willing to divorce you, but doesn’t love you enough to process some paperwork for an anullment? I don’t get it.

You’re in my prayers.
 
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itsjustdave1988:
Hmmmm… he “loves” you so much that he is willing to divorce you, but doesn’t love you enough to process some paperwork for an anullment? I don’t get it.
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The man believes that his previous marriage is a valid marriage. To apply for an annulment, he’d be claiming that he thinks it wasn’t valid. He probably doesn’t want to make a claim he believes is false.
 
Slighty,
… he views it as valid marriage
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Ah, I see.

If his previous marriage was valid as he asserts, why do you think that it was not? If you think it was valid as well, then why do you think the Church might rule otherwise?

Even if the Church were to decree his previous marriage anulled (which is far from an infallible decree), but in good conscience both he and you believed his prior marriage to be valid, that would be serious moral problem, would it not?

Yet, I don’t see that divorce is the answer if you have a child to raise. Your first obligation is to separate, unless there’s a serious reason to remain together such as the proper upbringing of children. In context of such a serious reason to remain together, I agree with the answer given to you by Catholic apologist Michael Arnold here: Why does my husband’s past marriage prevent me from becoming Catholic?

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states:
the Church maintains that a new union cannot be recognized as valid, if the first marriage was. If the divorced are remarried civilly, they find themselves in a situation that objectively contravenes God’s law. Consequently, they cannot receive Eucharistic communion as long as this situation persists. For the same reason, they cannot exercise certain ecclesial responsibilities. Reconciliation through the sacrament of Penance can be granted only to those who have repented for having violated the sign of the covenant and of fidelity to Christ, and who are committed to living in complete continence. (CCC 1650)
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May God be with you.
 
The bottomline is either you believe that a valid marriage in the eyes of God is indissoluable or you do not. The Catholic Church insists that it is indissoluable, as this is the teaching of Sacred Scripture and the constant teaching of the Catholic Church for the past 2000+ years.

I recommend the following article…

What God has joined
By Bishop Michael J. Sheridan
Diocese of Colorado Springs
1 September 2004
diocesecs.org/CPC/Corner/newspaper_view.cfm?year=2004&month=September

Here’s an excerpt:
“When a couple marries “in Christ,” they pledge before God that, for richer, for poorer, in good times and in bad, they will be true to one another until death. Those who speak these vows must know that their salvation depends upon the faithful living out of those words.”
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Benedictus:
The man believes that his previous marriage is a valid marriage. To apply for an annulment, he’d be claiming that he thinks it wasn’t valid. He probably doesn’t want to make a claim he believes is false.
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Thanks, I inadvertently skimmed past that part.

In a prior thread, she said her husband was reluctant to pursue an anullment because he thought that would make his child from his prior marriage illegitamite, which is incorrect.

If he truly believes that his first marriage is indeed valid, then conjugal relations with another is an act of adultery. Unless his prior wife has deceased, then they are still husband and wife.
 
I don’t know the answers to the following questions, but:
  1. Was her husband married in her other denomination? If the Catholic church declares his marriage annulled, does that mean that his denomination would also consider it null, or would it still be considered valid by them?
  2. If a denomination allows for divorce and remarriage, then is there such a thing as an annulled marriage for them anyway?
  3. If he is not bothered by the illicit-ness of the situation himself (other than out of respect for her beliefs), why would it bother him to just let the Church say what it wants about his 1st marriage, even if he doesn’t agree. If he doesn’t believe what the Church claims to be true, why should he be worried about their claim of nullity of his 1st marriage?
I guess what I’m getting at, is is it possible for a compromise in which the husband “jumps through the hoops” so his wife can have a valid Catholic marriage, and still not invalidate his beliefs? I don’t know that this is exactly the right thing to, but it is what comes to mind, especially if there is a child involved.

It sure seems like a discussion with a good priest involved with anullments would be the thing to do. Just because it seems pretty extreme to get divorced rather than pursue an annullment.
 
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