My husbands passion

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Shae

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My marriage needs some serious prayers. It lacks connection and intimacy and lovemaking. We dont go to bed at the same time. He is always on the computer editing and air brushing his photos. When is not doing that, he is on his insta gram seeing how many followers he has for his finished photos. He makes time to like their photos and say thanks when his photos are liked. He spends 10 minutes with me and then expects sex and I know then its a selfish act, but he doesnt even want to do that now either. His photos are of the landscape type, mountains and oceans, they are nice, but I have come to resent them.

We are in our mid 50’s and I think we are just going through the motions and for me they are not good motions. I have daily neck spine pain and allergy sinus migraines and I look after my 20 year old duaghter on the autism spectrum. So I am not a lot of fun, particulary as I am trying daily to get out of physical pain.

When I air my concerns he just talks it aways and says I am exaggerating and nothing changes.

Please pray with me for my marriage, its intact but desolate.
 
Praying for you, your husband, daughter & your marriage. Praying for your health & recovery.
 
Prayers for you and your family.
Memorare

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection,
implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence,
I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother;
to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions,
but in thy mercy hear and answer me.

Amen

I am about your age. I suffer with a disc bulge in my neck which causes distracting pain. Brachial plexus injury probably from an old car accident. I accepted it, prayed for relief, carried that cross for nearly two years.

This year I caught the flu. The worst I had had in years. I could not get out of bed for at least four days. Normally, with a serious cold I’m up and about doing something, even light housekeeping like loading unloading the dryer or dish washer. (Which for that injury really hurts!) This time, nothing, for four days except getting a glass of water or a bathroom break.

About a week after I was over the flu, I noticed something. Or rather I noticed I was missing something. My arm and neck were no longer hurting. I can only think that although I had miserable flu, being able to rest for four days may have helped heal my neck. I was so grateful for favors granted.

Ask your doctor if what you may need is a bout of serious rest in order to heal. Not giving you specific advice. I had my prayer answered! I’m not holding my breath, I know I might be able to get ‘re-injured’.

I hope you do also experience some relief somehow.

I don’t know what to say specifically about your husband but, those ‘validations’ people get from instagram, and other social media is a pale comparison to a living person happy to see you come home. But the world in which we live it seems too many of us get caught up in it. I will keep you in my prayers.

I suggest you pray for him and take care of yourself too! You have a busy life yourself and you need a respite now and then. That isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. Please ask God and your Guardian Angel to help you find ways for self-care. It might be taking your daughter out to lunch at a girls only date, or you getting to go with your bff. A bubble bath? Maybe go with your husband on his photo shoots. Take photos of him taking photos! Bring back some play into your life while you pray. I’m not making light of your problems, but maybe your solution to your desolation won’t be hard.

I’m not crazy about the invalidation of your medical hurts and injuries. Or the defeated feeling I’m hearing from you when you wrote, “nothing changes”.

If your communication or marriage gets worse, maybe consider a Retrouvaille weekend
retrouvaille.org/

Asking Sr. Joseph and St. Rita to hold you in her prayers.
 
I’m sort of an amature photographer as well and I can attest that working on the photos can take up a lot of time and as we have two small children, I generally wait until evening to work on them. My husband has a coin collecting hobby that I really don’t understand and he can spend hours staring at the internet, looking a photos of coins and watching videos about coins. Yes. Someone somewhere actually makes videos about coins. This might be a dumb question, but it’s my experience that many people (particularly one’s with y chromosomes) aren’t very good at discerning the needs of others without being directly told. For example, when my daughter was quite small, I went out to eat with my mother and I came back to find out my husband hadn’t fed her anything in several hours. His response was that she didn’t cry, so he assumed she didn’t need to eat. Sometimes we’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. The rock being the type of people who seem completely oblivious to the needs of others unless they are told or asked for something, and the hard place being the type of people who insist that complaining is some sign of weakness or immaturity or turns into “nagging”. What would happen if rather than resenting the photography hobby, you asked your husband to set aside a certain amount of time in the evening to spend with you? You could spend it talking, reading, snuggling, praying, etc.
 
I have a similar situation. After working on it for 2 years and seeing no results, I just scheduled a marriage counseling appointment today (for Friday) through my archdiocese counseling service. I don’t have any more answers and it’s only getting worse for both of us. The cost is on a sliding scale based on our income and it’s only $45 per session. Well worth it if it helps save our marriage. Will report back with results if I remember.

Whenever I bring up any concerns with my spouse, she returns fire with a laundry list of everything I’ve ever done wrong (which is a lot) and we go through the same cycle over and over again without any results. She can’t tell me specifically what she wants and can’t provide any path on how to get there. It’s beyond time to bring someone else into the problem. Sometimes two people can’t get out of insanity on their own. My kids deserve better, my spouse deserves better, I deserve better, God deserves better.
 
I’m not a behavioral analyst, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night.

It’s possible your husband spends so much time on instagram and other social media because he is seeking validation. Maybe try validating him more. A little ego stroke will go a long way with most men. Be his cheerleader. Maybe that’ll bring him back.

Please note: I’m NOT trying to blame OP for the situation. Just offering a possible course of action. I’m a man, and I know that the one thing most men crave from their wives is adulation.
 
Brassring said:
I’m not a behavioral analyst, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night.

It’s possible your husband spends so much time on instagram and other social media because he is seeking validation. Maybe try validating him more. A little ego stroke will go a long way with most men. Be his cheerleader. Maybe that’ll bring him back.

Please note: I’m NOT trying to blame OP for the situation. Just offering a possible course of action. I’m a man, and I know that the one thing most men crave from their wives is adulation.
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This is certainly true. Men and women generally receive love in different ways. Men like to be told that they are doing a good job, that she’s proud of him, that he’s good at his job and she appreciates the work he does to provide for the family etc.
 
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