My mom and dad are working on a will and Mom asked me today if I would be the one to pull the plug if she ever ended up in a vegetative state. She does not want to remain on life support. I said I would think about it. It would be either me or her son, my half-brother. I said I would think about it.
This question scared the living hell out of me because I am only 18 and this is a hefty question for me. I want to hear from orthodox devout Catholics (heterodox and non-catholics need not reply) what would be the right thing to do from a moral standpoint. Would discontinuing life support be considered euthanasia? Should I agree to it and do it if the time comes, hand the right over to my brother, or agree to it and not do it. If I agree to be in charge and not do it, I would get no support from other members of my family and can cause a lot of issues between me and my brother. My dad is much older than my mom so I cannot count that he can be against or for me. I’m just mostly scared because I am still pretty much a teenager.
You have all my compassion and understanding. I myself had to implement this when I was in my early 20s, when my mother arrived at end of life, and again a decade later for my father, when he arrived at end of life. I was the one designated to make the decisions in both cases. The nature of my father’s illness precluded him doing so with regard to my mother. My sibling chose not to be involved in this matter at all – and so it fell to me alone in both instances…there was no other family member.
Your mother is well advised to set up a durable power of attorney for healthcare, empowering someone to make decisions if she cannot. It is very wise to plan ahead…for her sake and everyone else.
Thanks be to God, I had a few years to prepare myself so that when I actually confronted the situation, I was better prepared. I underscore “better prepared”. Obviously, it is an extremely emotional moment. No one can normally have a clinical detachment when it is a loved one.
In the case of my mother, there arose circumstances at end of life in which I had to make instantaneous decisions as her doctors presented a wide range of potential interventions – which I confess I was only able to answer because I had already gone through the Church’s teachings and knew the principles to apply plus I had the advantage of being a caregiver in her last illness and had acquaintance with the trajectory of her malady. It was, literally, a “no, no, no, yes, no” to rapid fire questions in intensive care. Decades later, I still do not forget that moment. Thankfully, there was no conflict with her last wishes. It was a very intense and grueling if brief period of time. There was no time to try to consult anyone; I had two critical care doctors needing immediate answers for what they were contemplating doing.
Certainly, this is never easy…whether it falls to us early in life or later in life. Those moments are memories I will live with, frankly, for the rest of my life.
As a priest, I have in turn helped many others in this situation over the many years. I would like to think my own experiences have helped me in turn to fulfill this role with both knowledge and compassion. No less true, however, I have reached people when it was already too late to answer questions – things happened very quickly, before I could get there. It can depend upon whether the end is foreseen (such as with cancer) or a sudden on-set end of life (as with a massive stroke).
It is true there are circumstances in which a Do Not Resuscitate protocol suffices. There are other situations, however, where one does have to choose whether or not to terminate life support because of, for example, a massive stroke.
It really is better to confront these scenarios having had the opportunity to come to know the Church’s teachings and your mother’s wishes than it is to be taken by surprise or to have medical personnel turn to you, as next of kin, in an emergency situation with you not having thought through this matter.
Please God, this is an event many many years in your future – but this is an opportunity for you and your mother to have several very important discussions and for you to slowly prepare yourself for a task we all must eventually discharge…if we ourselves live long enough, that is.
Yes, people actually take a certain thrilling pride in that action.:sad_yes: I say so because I have seen it.