My Mormon girlfriend

[Snow]

Why do Mormons think that its ok for them to bash on our faith, but evil for us to bash on theirs? What can I do about this? She’s a sweet girl but her insensitivity towards Catholics is too much for me? I can’t make one comment about Mormons to her without her accusing me of being ignorant and closed minded. Should I just dump her? What should I say?

Why do some people (you) make sweeping generalizations about others?

In that regard, people of all faiths say one thing and do another. It’s not a Mormon thing as you claim. Indeed, I post on an “LDS” board and no one there talks negatively about Catholics like Catholics talk about Mormons here.

What you should do? Reason with her? If she is fair and honest and considerate, she’ll listen to you. If she doesn’t, she probably ain’t good marriage material for your.

 

[reff]

Why do some people (you) make sweeping generalizations about others?

In that regard, people of all faiths say one thing and do another. It’s not a Mormon thing as you claim. Indeed, I post on an “LDS” board and no one there talks negatively about Catholics like Catholics talk about Mormons here.

What you should do? Reason with her? If she is fair and honest and considerate, she’ll listen to you. If she doesn’t, she probably ain’t good marriage material for your.

I did generalize, that is wrong and i sincerely apologize. Only certain Mormons are like this, not all. Again, I am sorry for generalizing.

 

[zaffiroborant]

That depends on how you see it I guess. I think the Gospel of Christ is what it’s all about and what you mentioned is mostly doctrine. It doesn’t build a Zion society.

So they should just chuck everything Yellowbird listed? And how about Temple marriage, endowments, the WOW, a living prophet can that all go by the wayside too?

 

[rmcmullan]

So they should just chuck everything Yellowbird listed? And how about Temple marriage, endowments, the WOW, a living prophet can that all go by the wayside too?

Not my decision, it’s theirs.

Not everyone who goes by Mormon hold these things dear. There’s a great spectrum and some people are actually willing to compromise their religious teachings for the love of a good man or woman. And that’s not always a bad thing.

 

[yellowbird]

Not my decision, it’s theirs.

Not everyone who goes by Mormon hold these things dear. There’s a great spectrum and some people are actually willing to compromise their religious teachings for the love of a good man or woman. And that’s not always a bad thing.

I can’t believe it would ever be God’s will for a person to compromise their faith for someone else. God is always supposed to come first in our lives. In a case where the two parties can’t even agree who Jesus is - really, there is no middle ground. Both would have to water down their beliefs so much… what would be the point?

“So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth.”
Rev 3:16

 

[hmm]

Hey reff… let me just say, I totally understand. I’m a devout Catholic who started dating a lukewarm Mormon boy because of his many other wonderful traits.

Ultimately, though, I knew I’d have to break up with him because he didn’t believe in the God that I know and love. We had a total of one conversation about our faiths and it was like talking to a pre-schooler about God. He didn’t understand and subsequently respect God. When I casually mentioned the lack of evidence for their beliefs, I got a “Well, that’s where the faith comes in,” meaning “I believe this because I believe it.” He’d come to Mass with me, but came to be with me, and not to necessarily learn about the beauty of the Mass. I can’t say that I ever expected to convert him - people will only change if they want to change - and I didn’t ever really get into theology with him because (bottom line) he didn’t understand the importance of following the truth.

Oh and here’s a fun fact: I’m a convert to Catholicism from Evangelical, and to do that, I had to KNOW what I was getting myself into. Dating this Mormon, I knew that the reason why I’d break up with him was because of this issue… and that’s what I told him.

If I’m living for Christ, I should not and fundamentally cannot be with someone who doesn’t. She might be a great girl with a lot to offer, but if who she is is not who she is in front of Christ, I would suggest that you discontinue the relationship. It was hard to sever ties with someone who had sooo many things going for him, but I did because I had to. The most important connection I have with any man is how we both live to serve Christ and do His will.

(I didn’t read most of this thread, so I hope I’m not being too repetitive. )

 

[erendira21]

i was in a similar situation, only i was dating a devout mormon guy. your gf’s fam is like my family; they were very disapproving of me dating a mormon. he was my first love, and somehow i tricked myself into believing we could make it work (mostly because his dad was catholic for about the first 20 years of his parents’ marriage). in the end, it didnt work because he was intent on marrying within his faith and is now a missionary. mixed marriages are very difficult to handle in the long-term. save yourself the heartache and end it before you become any more involved than you already are. sorry i dont have any profound wisdom to share with you but it never hurts to share a story.

 

[tortdog]

I think that it is rare for an inter-faith marriage to not have problems, unless one person is willing to walk away from his faith.

 

[reff]

I do realize that there is no future for her and I. I don’t love her, and she doesn’t love me, we are close but we’re not that serious. I have discussed marriage with her, only in the context that I will have to be married in a Catholic Church, under the Sacrament of Matrimony, I told her that not doing so is out of the question, and obviously that means that I will be marrying a Catholic girl.

 

[Jolly_Joe]

So, why do you date? Is it for sex or something? I mean if it’s just a friendship that isn’t dating. You say you’d have to marry a Catholic girl well it isn’t happening, you aren’t even dating one.

I just wonder what’s actually going on in your head because I see people all the time who marry people exactly who are exactly what they said they would never marry, but they started out dating, made lot’s of excuses and there they are with three kids turning the children into mush fighting over how to raise them.

You don’t date was you won’t marry.

 

[reff]

So, why do you date? Is it for sex or something? I mean if it’s just a friendship that isn’t dating. You say you’d have to marry a Catholic girl well it isn’t happening, you aren’t even dating one.

I just wonder what’s actually going on in your head because I see people all the time who marry people exactly who are exactly what they said they would never marry, but they started out dating, made lot’s of excuses and there they are with three kids turning the children into mush fighting over how to raise them.

You don’t date was you won’t marry.

K first off, no its not for sex. Believe me. And honestly, I don’t want to break her heart. Other than this religion thing everything else is going fine, and if I just out of the blue tell her its over, imagine how bad that will hurt her. I just can’t get myself to do it.

 

[tortdog]

With all due respect I find your statement that Catholicism is like high school, and Mormon is as a University laughable. If you were to compare the Liturgy of Catholicism to that of Mormonism(e.g. Mass vs. Sacrament Meeting) I think your statement would be reverse.

It’s not about how detailed or complex the meetings are.

 

[tortdog]

Indeed, I post on an “LDS” board and no one there talks negatively about Catholics like Catholics talk about Mormons here.

What board is that?

 

[tortdog]

So, why do you date? Is it for sex or something? I mean if it’s just a friendship that isn’t dating. You say you’d have to marry a Catholic girl well it isn’t happening, you aren’t even dating one.

If each of them are faithful members of the Catholic/LDS churches, then it’s obviously not for the sex . . .

 

[Jolly_Joe]

K first off, no its not for sex. Believe me. And honestly, I don’t want to break her heart. Other than this religion thing everything else is going fine, and if I just out of the blue tell her its over, imagine how bad that will hurt her. I just can’t get myself to do it.

I do realize that there is no future for her and I. I don’t love her, and she doesn’t love me, we are close but we’re not that serious. I have discussed marriage with her, only in the context that I will have to be married in a Catholic Church, under the Sacrament of Matrimony, I told her that not doing so is out of the question, and obviously that means that I will be marrying a Catholic girl.

Reff,

I understand the pressure there is to kind of pretty things up, and how it can become almost a habit, but in two consecutive posts, you say you and she are not in love, and that you’ve had a talk that you would be marrying a Cathlic girl.

There doesn’t seem to be any heart to break, there doesn’t seem to be anything you really need to tell he, unless you are changing your story her or unless she thinks you are not telling her the truth and are going to stay with her despite what you tell her.

The way to really, really hurt her is to continue the relationship. That will convince her that you intend to marry her despite what you say. There is the possibilty she will really open her heart and come to love you then.

The merciful thing is to show that you are sincere in being a Catholic and since you cannot marry her, a Mormon, you will not date her.

Is there some sorrow at the ending of any relationship, sure, even when one knows that it must be, there are still bad feelings. Even those who leave abusive relationships have such feelings.

In any case, if you actually do care in some way for her, I’m not really sure what to call that since you’ve said you don’t love her, but if you care for her, then the loving thing is to free her to find someone she can marry. As it is, that’s not you.

Be merciful.

 

[hmm]

K first off, no its not for sex. Believe me. And honestly, I don’t want to break her heart. Other than this religion thing everything else is going fine, and if I just out of the blue tell her its over, imagine how bad that will hurt her. I just can’t get myself to do it.

I was in the same situation. No joke. It took me three months to effectively break up with my LDS boyfriend… but if I was smarter, it wouldn’t’ve had to turn out that way.

You KNOW you’re not going to marry her. You KNOW that you have to break up with her. You KNOW all these things - but she’s such a great person, right? If it weren’t for this one thing…Well, then what you are doing is essentially stringing her along. You’re not telling her the truth of the matter - that this isn’t going anywhere - and instead you’re continuing to deepen your relationship. To put it simply, Time = Intimacy and the more time that you spend with her will make it that much harder when it DOES end.

I took so long in effectively breaking up because I didn’t want to hurt him. We got attached and, besides the differences in our religion, there was no good reason to end it. So what do you do with that? That’s the question I had to figure out. And the answer was this:

Once you stop dating someone, unless you didn’t get really involved with them, you can’t be “just friends” after that. Otherwise, you won’t give yourself or them a chance to let the relationship go. After I realized this, I wrote a “Dear John”… and left it at that. A letter was my personal preference, because he could read it as many times as he liked, but also because it explained the situation exactly the way I wanted him to hear it.

And I still don’t know how he took it, because it wasn’t my place to ask. You have to let her let you go - and it’s going to hurt. There is no easy solution.

We tried the “just friends” thing, but that attachment didn’t fade. Something I heard the other day: “There are some people who you will always be attracted to, and then there are some people who are good for you. Go for the ones who are good for you - the attraction will come.”

Anyway, this is just my personal story. And dealing with a girl is admittedly different. But, if nothing else, just know that there are people who’ve been there, and will pray for you. :console:

 

[hmm]

Reff,

The way to really, really hurt her is to continue the relationship.

The merciful thing is to show that you are sincere in being a Catholic and since you cannot marry her, a Mormon, you will not date her.

In any case, if you actually do care in some way for her, I’m not really sure what to call that since you’ve said you don’t love her, but if you care for her, then the loving thing is to free her to find someone she can marry. As it is, that’s not you.

Be merciful.

He’s exactly right.