My Poor Dad! ~ dd had an accident

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sanctareparata

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We were over at Mom and Dad’s house the other night. They have a big, multi-level yard. The backyard used to be a steep hill, so whoever lived there before leveled off two sections and the top section (where you walk out on from the back door) is held up by a big brick wall all around, while the bottom yard is for the dogs and has the pool.

The top yard is anywhere from 5 feet off the bottom yard at one place and 9 feet or more at another place.

That all said, my daughter (2 1/2) was standing on the top yard throwing dog biscuits to the dogs in the bottom yard. My dad was watching her and turned his back for a second - literally, a second - to brush off a mosquito - and in that time DD ran to the edge of the wall and lost her balance and fell face and tummy first 5 feet down into the bottom yard, hitting a leg on a stone paver and barely missing knocking herself out on a cement planter below.

He yelled and jumped down and grabbed her, and her face and arms were skinned up, and she had a gash in her forehead. Then she started throwing up (that REALLY scared my dad) and we were convinced she had a concussion. My husband (a paramedic) examined her and she was fine after throwing up.

You can imagine how terrible my dad feels. He wouldn’t even talk to us for about an hour, and Mom said he went inside to cry a bit. Ever since he’s been real quiet and always asking how DD is. I feel so bad for him. He’s blaming himself even though we told him it was not his fault - accidents happen.

So, I’m just telling ya’ll this to share it, and if anyone’s got some tips on how to make a grandpa feel better after something like this, let me know. Mom said he’s still talking about how he “let her fall” and that he feels so bad. 😦 My dad’s a pretty quiet guy anyway, and since this he’s been even quieter - just really bummed.

ETA: Change of title
 
awwww. thats so sweet that he cares so much.

I hope your DD gets over her scrapes pretty soon. Its amazing how durable toddlers are.

I don’t know what to do to make your dad feel better. I know I have an amazing sense of guilt too.
 
Oh no… your poor dad… sounds like he was more hurt by this than your daughter! (btw… I hope she’s doing better!)…

I would allow your dad some special one-on-one time with your dd… for a couple reasons…
  1. To allow their relationship to “heal”… really for your dad to become confident in his ability to care for her again…
  2. So your dad knows you still trust him with her care…
Does that make sense? Maybe it’ll just take some time to forgive himself for an accident… but I think having some one-on-one time with her may speed that up…

Good luck… sounds like you’ve got a pretty special dad who loves his granddaughter very much!
 
i would give him the one-on-one time too as he is probably lost his confidence in taking care of the child…

when he spends some time with her, he will realise how he is capable and be able to come out of his depression!!!
 
when my DD was about 18 months, she and my mom were standing in her driveway. Someone was getting ready to backup so my mom was holding her hand. DD tugged and pulled and struggled and got her hand loose, she took one step and stepped on an uneven pary and took a header into the concrete. I had to take her to the ER. She still has a lumpy little scar right in her hairline. The trip to the ER was worse than her fall but it wouldn’t stop bleeding. They used the glue. (why do head wounds bleed so much?)

My mom still feels a little bad whever she sees that scar. She says she “ruined” her perfect face.
 
Hey, accidents happen, especially to very active kids. They’re called accidents for a reason - they’re unavoidable, and adults don’t have superpowers capable of preventing all of 'em.

I have a handful of scars from various childhood accidents - one of which was more or less caused by my dad! I don’t bear and never have borne him any ill-will for it, nor is he a neglectful father at all, simply human.
 
sanctareparata said:
You can imagine how terrible my dad feels. He wouldn’t even talk to us for about an hour, and Mom said he went inside to cry a bit. Ever since he’s been real quiet and always asking how Allie is. I feel so bad for him. He’s blaming himself even though we told him it was not his fault - accidents happen.

So, I’m just telling ya’ll this to share it, and if anyone’s got some tips on how to make a grandpa feel better after something like this, let me know. Mom said he’s still talking about how he “let her fall” and that he feels so bad. 😦 My dad’s a pretty quiet guy anyway, and since this he’s been even quieter - just really bummed.
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I have a different view of accidents compared to most people I know. To me, there are very few true accidents. Most incidents have a cause or person who is at fault. It sounds like your dad might be like me in the way he sees this situation.
When Lily fell off our pull out sofa bed I felt absolutely terrible. I let it happen. I didn’t do it on purpose and it was never my intention that she fall off and smack her head…but it wasn’t an accident. It was totally preventable so it was my fault. Everybody told me that “accidents happen” and that it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t buy that for a second, lol.
Guilt is a very useful tool. It informs us that we have done something wrong and acts as a deterrent from doing the same behavior again. I know I will never leave Lily unattended on a high surface again!!!
So maybe your dad just needs to hear that you acknowledge that he could have prevented Allie’s fall but that you don’t blame him or think he wanted her to be hurt. Let him know you still trust him to care for her and that you know he loves her very much and would never do anything to deliberately hurt her.
Maybe once he knows that you know that he was at fault but that you don’t hold any grudges he will be able to let it go and move on. But if you keep telling him it wasn’t his fault but he thinks it is then he might feel like you could suddenly realize the “truth” and hate him.
Those are just my thoughts on the matter but I hope they can help in some way.
Malia
 
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