My problem with scrupulosity

[BigDL75]

Hi. I think I have a little bit of a problem with scrupulosity. Two weeks ago at confession my priest told me that I sound like I am being a bit too scrupulous. Here’s a good example: tonight I was out with a bunch of friends at a high school sports game. Someone else who we all know was there too. He wanted a ride there, but we really didn’t want to hang out with him. It’s not like we were cruel to him–we told him that I didn’t have enough room in my car (which was kinda true, although he could have gone in the back area of the SUV). But basically we didn’t want to hang out with him but we didn’t want to hurt his feelings; so he got there on his own.
Then, after the game was over, he basically pleaded with me to give him a ride with us to wherever we were going. I told him, again, that there I didn’t feel comfortable putting him in the trunk of my SUV (which is, again, kinda true). He kept pleading and whining, literally whining. I felt really awful, but I also felt like he was manipulating my a litte because he knows I am a nice guy. He went on to say that I was his only way home. I told him I just couldn’t fit him in my car and that I was very sorry. Just as I’m about to pull out of the parking lot, he calls and lets us know he has a ride and wants to hang out with us later.
Is there anything sinful about what I did? This kid has friends, but from what I’ve heard, they never really want to hang out with him etc. etc. But I’ve also heard that he is very manipulating in trying to basically get his way. So is there anything wrong with what I did? Do I need to go to confession? And also, how can I handle this situation in the future? I often have a hard time drawing the line between a pushover and a kind person. Thanks for your help!

 

[St_John]

Welcome to the club, it’s really hard to deal with needy people, it sounds like you did the best you could. Some people don’t take the hint, and I agree, it’s a fine line. You feel sorry for them, but it’s not your job to save every sadsack that comes along. Once you get older you might come up with some effective evasive tactics that you can use at a moments notice. It’s hard to think of them when people are pushy and put you on the spot like that. No, you don’t need to go to confession for not taking in every stray cat or needy soul.

 

[Tietjen]

Hi. I think I have a little bit of a problem with scrupulosity. Two weeks ago at confession my priest told me that I sound like I am being a bit too scrupulous. Here’s a good example: tonight I was out with a bunch of friends at a high school sports game. Someone else who we all know was there too. He wanted a ride there, but we really didn’t want to hang out with him. It’s not like we were cruel to him–we told him that I didn’t have enough room in my car (which was kinda true, although he could have gone in the back area of the SUV). But basically we didn’t want to hang out with him but we didn’t want to hurt his feelings; so he got there on his own.
Then, after the game was over, he basically pleaded with me to give him a ride with us to wherever we were going. I told him, again, that there I didn’t feel comfortable putting him in the trunk of my SUV (which is, again, kinda true). He kept pleading and whining, literally whining. I felt really awful, but I also felt like he was manipulating my a litte because he knows I am a nice guy. He went on to say that I was his only way home. I told him I just couldn’t fit him in my car and that I was very sorry. Just as I’m about to pull out of the parking lot, he calls and lets us know he has a ride and wants to hang out with us later.
Is there anything sinful about what I did? This kid has friends, but from what I’ve heard, they never really want to hang out with him etc. etc. But I’ve also heard that he is very manipulating in trying to basically get his way. So is there anything wrong with what I did? Do I need to go to confession? And also, how can I handle this situation in the future? I often have a hard time drawing the line between a pushover and a kind person. Thanks for your help!

Okay, without actually being there and only being able to imagine the situation as you told it, I would say that you were uncharitable. Now was your act a mortal sin needing to be confessed? I don’t know that I’d go that far. However, you certainly didn’t earn any indulgences either.

 

[bear06]

I’d disagree. He didn’t have legal room in the car and he politely told the kid “no” when he could have told him to buzz off. I don’t think there’s anything confessible there.

That said, if he wanted to go the extra mile in charity, he could have let him meet up with him later. This would, in my mind, be akin to eating something you didn’t like for the sole purpose of sacrifice. It’s not necessary but it is good.

Hanging with people you don’t care for can be an occasion of sin. One would have to weigh whether or not they can handle it without sinning.