My RCIA Candadate is SO shy!

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SueKrum

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Hi everyone,
well I finally got to meet the woman the folks at RCIA hooked me up with, today. She’s very nice, but is so shy. She didn’t say one word at our small group discussion after the mass readings. I noticed that she sat very quietly through the whole first part of the meeting, too.

I am pretty sure she’s serious about ther desire to join the church, so I’m not worried about that, but I want to try and help get her to come out of her shell and feel more comfortable. as her sponser, should I do anything? I’m a very chatty person and it’ll be a challange for me to spend the next several months in formation with someoen who never talks! She’s from Puerto Rico, so there is a small language issue, but her English is great. We talked on the phone for about ten minutes last week and her accent is not heavy at all and she didn’t seem to have any trouble understanding me.

So I’m just wondering if any of you folks have any ideas on how make her feel comfortable at the RCIA meetings. Should I take her out for coffee one day this week? should I try and call her more often? she has a husband and two children, so I’m sure she’s busy. How would you go about it?

thanks for your advice.
 
SueKrum said:
Hi everyone,
well I finally got to meet the woman the folks at RCIA hooked me up with, today. She’s very nice, but is so shy. She didn’t say one word at our small group discussion after the mass readings. I noticed that she sat very quietly through the whole first part of the meeting, too.

I am pretty sure she’s serious about ther desire to join the church, so I’m not worried about that, but I want to try and help get her to come out of her shell and feel more comfortable. as her sponser, should I do anything? I’m a very chatty person and it’ll be a challange for me to spend the next several months in formation with someoen who never talks! She’s from Puerto Rico, so there is a small language issue, but her English is great. We talked on the phone for about ten minutes last week and her accent is not heavy at all and she didn’t seem to have any trouble understanding me.

So I’m just wondering if any of you folks have any ideas on how make her feel comfortable at the RCIA meetings. Should I take her out for coffee one day this week? should I try and call her more often? she has a husband and two children, so I’m sure she’s busy. How would you go about it?

thanks for your advice.
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Some people have a great fear of speaking in front of others. Maybe that is the case with her.

I would suggest that when you are in the group together that you ask her only questions that she can answer with 1 or 2 words. Sometimes once that ice is broken people are able to be more confident in what they say and will on their own give more (name removed by moderator)ut.

Silence doesn’t mean that she isn’t sincere, just gradually draw her out and maybe she will talk more or maybe not. Either way, be careful not to embarras her in front of others…which could be done by simply asking her questions.

That was the way it was with me quite quite awhile ago when I first started talking in front of others.
 
It’s early, give her some time. As for taking her out for coffee I think that’s a wonderful idea.
 
I would let your candidate set the parameters of your relationship and the speed at which you get to know one another. Fear of pressure from sponsors, esp. those “appointed” by the parish is very real on the part of many candidates. Just be there for the time being, and let her know that. No one should EVER be forced to share, esp. beyond their comfort level in RCIA or any other small group context.
 
From the perspective of someone who will be getting a sponsor, hopefully soon! I personally would love it if my sponsor invited me out to coffee or something. I tend to be fairly quiet in bigger groups or with people I don’t know very well, and even more so when both are involved. Maybe it is the same for her? Something like going out to coffee just the two of you might be an easier way to get to know her, just kind of small talk type stuff at first.
 
Usually in any group you have some people who are quick to respond to a question and others who have to think a bit before they answer. Make sure your candidate has enough time and don’t be afraid of silence.
 
Try to imagine you were the new person, and did not know the others. You did not know the rules very well, or the religion. You did not want to be embarrassed by saying something wrong, and you wanted to be well mannered. It would seem being quiet would be appropriate. Maybe you should talk with her one on one more, and less “in the group”. Maybe you could address the group more on her behalf, this could build trust.

We had one man who said he would only attend if the team promised not to call on him. He did not want to be embarrassed. He sat in silence for 40 weeks. He also took the teaching more serious than anyone else in the class.
 
I went through RCIA just a couple years ago. I listened a lot those first few meetings. I didn’t talk a lot but once I became more comfortable with my sponsor, I looked to her for guidance and support. It was a wonderful experience. I’m sure that you candidate is just a little unsure of herself right now and as time goes by, she will become more comfortable and vocal.

You are doing a great service by being a sponsor. From my own wonderful experience with my sponsor, THANK YOU.
 
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