my sister is a lesbian

[WilT]

I think I’ll just stick to the immutable teachings of Christ .

 

[SMGS127]

If this is off topic, please forgive.
I don’t know who to start. My younger sister (she’s 22) is a lesbian and she’s been in relationship with another girl for 1,5 year. She told us about it and that was a shock for my family. I have no words. We love her but we don’t know what to do, how to live with this information. She’s a good, helpful person. She said that she tried to change, to be heterosexual, but she couldn’t. She’s sure about her orientation. She decided to reveal her secret beacuase she trusts us and couldn’t lie. Now,she’s happy with her girlfriend. But my parents are desperate.
We are Catholics. We believe in God. Is it possible to help my sister? I don’t want to change her. I want to accept, understand.
What should I do? Will she be damned?
I beg, help me. Explain.

First of all, don’t listen to the people on this forum telling you to deny her sexual orientation. She is a lesbian and that is as real to her as her skin color or her gender. Just as I’m sure her gender has influenced others’ behavior towards her in her life, so has her orientation done the same thing. You will only alienate her by denying her sexual orientation. Accept that she is a lesbian; being a lesbian is not, in any way, a sin in the Church.

Second of all, remember the teachings of the Church with regards to sexual sins. You cannot accept same-sex sexual activity as okay, just as you cannot accept heterosexual fornication as okay either. Sex has a very clear purpose and is only to be used in that manner.

That being said, your sister very much loves the woman she is with. Assuming you are female, imagine how you would feel if your boyfriend, a man you knew to be a wonderful man, was treated with massive disdain from your entire family because of his race or his hair color. The superficiality of it would anger you and alienate you from your family, as it would be highly inappropriate.

The same is true for your sister. Her girlfriend, a woman she knows to be a wonderful woman and girlfriend, is being treated with disdain merely for the fact that she is a woman. This is something you should highly avoid, and you have no obligation to treat her any less than you would treat any other person important to your sister. You should invite her to family events. You should treat her as part of the family if she grows that close to your sister. You should welcome her with love and kindness and respect. While your sister is committing sin of grave matter if (a very big if, and not a given) she is having sex with her girlfriend, the close bond she has with her girlfriend is not a sin by any means.

Yes, this balancing act of warmth vs. protection is a hard one to make. I have to do it all the time with my very promiscuous heterosexual friends. They know my position on sexual issues, but I still treat their boyfriends and girlfriends with respect. Whether they’re hooking up with each other, fornicating within a non-marital relationship, or whatever have you, I still refuse to treat them with any less dignity or respect than any other human being. As long as your sister knows how you feel about the sinfulness of lesbian (or any other premarital) sex, you are under no further obligation to “correct” or “condemn” her.

Lastly, pray for her. Pray for her your whole life with your whole soul that she may find happiness in a manner consistent with God’s plan for her. This is the single-greatest act of kindness you can do for her.

 

[Amartmal]

*You mentioned that your sister is very young, and I would guess that you’re almost as young yourself. *
Yes, I’m young too. I’m 25.

I would urge you to take the long view, and don’t do anything rash that may have repercussions decades down the road.
Yes, you’re right.

Homosexual relationships are often unstable and a future breakup may give you a good opportunity to invite her back into the faith life.
Okey. I wouldn’t know that.

Thank you.

 

[Amartmal]

First of all, don’t listen to the people on this forum telling you to deny her sexual orientation. She is a lesbian and that is as real to her as her skin color or her gender. Just as I’m sure her gender has influenced others’ behavior towards her in her life, so has her orientation done the same thing. You will only alienate her by denying her sexual orientation. Accept that she is a lesbian; being a lesbian is not, in any way, a sin in the Church.

Second of all, remember the teachings of the Church with regards to sexual sins. You cannot accept same-sex sexual activity as okay, just as you cannot accept heterosexual fornication as okay either. Sex has a very clear purpose and is only to be used in that manner.

That being said, your sister very much loves the woman she is with. Assuming you are female, imagine how you would feel if your boyfriend, a man you knew to be a wonderful man, was treated with massive disdain from your entire family because of his race or his hair color. The superficiality of it would anger you and alienate you from your family, as it would be highly inappropriate.

The same is true for your sister. Her girlfriend, a woman she knows to be a wonderful woman and girlfriend, is being treated with disdain merely for the fact that she is a woman. This is something you should highly avoid, and you have no obligation to treat her any less than you would treat any other person important to your sister. You should invite her to family events. You should treat her as part of the family if she grows that close to your sister. You should welcome her with love and kindness and respect. While your sister is committing sin of grave matter if (a very big if, and not a given) she is having sex with her girlfriend, the close bond she has with her girlfriend is not a sin by any means.

Yes, this balancing act of warmth vs. protection is a hard one to make. I have to do it all the time with my very promiscuous heterosexual friends. They know my position on sexual issues, but I still treat their boyfriends and girlfriends with respect. Whether they’re hooking up with each other, fornicating within a non-marital relationship, or whatever have you, I still refuse to treat them with any less dignity or respect than any other human being. As long as your sister knows how you feel about the sinfulness of lesbian (or any other premarital) sex, you are under no further obligation to “correct” or “condemn” her.

Lastly, pray for her. Pray for her your whole life with your whole soul that she may find happiness in a manner consistent with God’s plan for her. This is the single-greatest act of kindness you can do for her.

Thank you. You explained me a lot. I have no words how you helped me. God bless you. I will pray for you.

 

[WilT]

This Catholic is not changing her views one little bit nor am I fooled by the flowery but very deceptive enticement of the words “mercy and tolerance” …No one is saying her orientation is a sin, but if she fully understands church teaching but disregards it to pursue a lifestyle leading to death, just how loving and happy should we be for her then?

Thanks for your previous post, Dorothy!

 

[WilT]

Hmm, guess what, not everyone believes leading a homosexual lifestyle “leads to death.” In fact, quite the opposite. I know many Catholics and non Catholics alike who aren’t just tolerating, but are beginning to accept that gay people can indeed be happy and lead a lifestyle of LIFE AND LOVE. It’s quite sad that anyone would think the latter. Open your eyes, God is Love and Love is good. Not everyone believe homosexuality is a sin, and as the old Catholic guard is passed to the younger generation, expect a great change, and trust me, you bigots are not going to like it. Being Gay is Ok, and falling love is a not a sin, whether it be with a man or woman.

Love is love. There is nothing wrong with Homosexual Love. This message will be heard and the younger generation believes it, as well as many open Catholics who are having friends and family come out. You can’t change the tide. SSMarriage will be the law of the land for every state soon.

Sorry to burst your bubble to the older, bigoted, nontolerant religious right. Your time is at and end. I pray that you open your eyes someday. And no amount of banning, or trying to silence our voices will quell the search for equality. You can believe in your God, but my God is Love, and Love will always win. WHo are you to judge what love is right or wrong.

/ban the poster but you can’t ban the message. Homosexuality and Masturbation are OK, healthy and normal. THIS is the truth.

Amen my brothers and sisters. Pray for me. Pray for you to open your eyes and hearts.

Depechemode, I’m afraid you are gravely mistaken. Your idea of love is not Christian love but your own mistaken definition or should I say a Worldly love. You may be discerning quite a bit longer.

 

[WilT]

And, thank you for yours!

May the Holy Spirit of Truth guide us all.

Your correct on this topic.