My sister is very adamant about not moving

[JCats1]

Hello everyone. I live in a family of 4 and my parents are seriously considering moving to another state because it would make our lives a lot easier. There are more high school benefits for me in the school that I will go to, as universities appreciate the program they have and it would help me for my future career. The high school that I go to does not have the program and the high schools in my area don’t have it as well. My parents can easily get a job there as the state has a lot of openings. We would be able to get a nice house there for a cheaper price and there is no state tax so it would be beneficial for us, as we already have state tax problems in the current state we are living in. The only problem is that my sister constantly throws fits and adamantly says that we are not moving. She does not want to believe it and she doesn’t want to see the good in the move. My parents and I believe that it is God’s will that we move because of the easier life, but my sister is discouraging them. The main reason she doesn’t want to move is because she doesn’t want to leave all her friends behind. Unfortunately, she does have social issues and she doesn’t really like meeting or talking to new people and she’s going to go to the 8th grade. It’s to the point where my parents are kind of reconsidering their plans to go there, just because of my sister! Then again, my parents have never refused anything to my sister and have always gotten what she wanted. What should I do? Please pray that my sister can have the wisdom and that her eyes will be opened to see the good of this move.

 

[GrowingFaith]

The only advice I can offer might not help at all, but I’ll give it anyway. Be a good example to your sister by honoring your parents. They seem to have your family’s well-being in mind when they’re thinking about this move. If you get the chance, explain the benefits of the move to your sister, but listen to her concerns as well. Try to keep a loving tone with her, instead of arguing with her. Focus on how how the move could benefit her. If you can keep this promise, assure her that you can help her in her social life after the move.

I moved to Texas a little over a year ago. I had very few friends out here, and many friends back in California. But, since my move, I haven’t lost a single friend. Thanks to this Internet thing, I’ve been able to keep in touch with people in Cali, and I’ve made more friends out here (which is much harder to do when you’re not in school anymore! I’d love to be in 8th grade again!)

I’ll be praying for your family, praying that your parents make the best decision for all four of you.

 

[tawny]

Praying to the Holy Spirit to give your sister guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in her time of need.

 

[gardenswithkids]

The decision on if the family moves or does not move is your parents’ choice. However, when parents make such decisions, they usually take into account their children’s feelings and ask themselves what is best for their children and the whole family.

Your wrote that your sister has social issues, but she has friends where she is currently, plus she is going into 8th grade. Even for a girl who doesn’t have social issues, a move in 8th grade could still be difficult. That would definitely be something that would cause almost any parent to have second thoughts about making a voluntary move.

It sounds like your parents have good reasons for wanting to move, but they also have some good reasons for wanting to stay. If they decide to stay, I doubt that it will be entirely because of your sister. Selling a house, packing up everything, finding a new place to live, moving in, and all the other things that go with a move can be stressful, difficult and expensive. After doing all that, what if your parents themselves find they don’t like their new town? What if the roof leaks or the basement floods or the neighbors are bad or any of a thousand other problems happens after the move? What if the new jobs don’t work out they way the expected? What if, what if, what if??? They are probably weighing all these things in their minds. Unless they’ve hear a direct voice from God like Abraham did (telling him to move the Promised Land), they’re simply people who are praying and trying to discern what to do–and that’s not always as clear as we’d like it to be.

My family went on a great vacation to another state, and since then, my husband and I have talked about moving there. It’s fun to explore at the possibilities of moving, but neither of us is sure that we* really *want to do it. We’re exploring and thinking. When we think about moving now, we also factor in how our past move didn’t go as we planned. (Although things turned out alright, very little turned out the way my husband and I expected it to be when we moved years ago.) And the older we get, the more risk there seems to be for us in moving, (and the more stuff we have to move!) These are big decisions.

To move or not move? Your parents have a big decision to make. If they decide not to move to the new state that you like, I doubt that their only reason is because your sister didn’t want to do it. You are in high school. If you still want to move, the decision on where to live will be yours to make soon enough. And…if you’re living there as an adult, that might be incentive for your parents to move, so they can be closer to you. Or not. I don’t know where your parents will decide to live, but eventually the choice and responsibility of where to live, will be yours.

 

[mountee]

My parents moved several times as we were growing up and I had to change schools many times, I can empathize with your sisters’ feelings. However, the decision to move should be made for the good of the family and I will pray that the Holy Spirit guides your parents as they make this decision.

 

[shainski]

You know, ultimately your parents are going to have to make the decision that is in the best interest of all of you. While your parents may listen to your thoughts on the issue, they will have to weigh it all and make a decision.

The less room that your parents give for negotiation, the better. And recognize that while your sister will have to deal with moving she doesn’t have to like it. It can be very aggravating - especially at that age - to have everyone around you trying to convince you that you have to like a decision that is out of your control.

 

[EasterJoy]

Give your opinion when it is asked for, but let your parents decide where you are going to live. If they don’t move, it is their decision; don’t blame it on your sister.

A 7th grader does not hold her parents hostage without their consent. Your parents, however, might rightfully conclude that the harm of moving their adolescent daughter away from her friends and their high school son away from his friends outweighs the advantage they could realize by moving to this other state five years earlier than they could have if they were to wait until you both finished high school. They may even have second thoughts about moving away from their own social circle and professional connections.

In any event, this sounds like a choice between two acceptable alternatives. You will get an education in either place, they will have secure jobs in either place, and your family will be safe in either place. You will be able to excel professionally later in life from either place. (Yes, capable people with good work ethics who go to little rural high schools without a lot of special programs do get into elite positions in their professional lives.) Whatever they decide, they won’t have done either you or your sister wrong. That is why it would be a mistake to look at this as a “my interest” vs “her interest” matter.