My sister never loved her husband of nearly 30 years?

[Phemie]

I think her intent for marriage was mainly to escape a controlling father, but…are we not to try to stay married forever, if all the vows are met, on the part of the other spouse? For example, let’s say we married someone because we felt pressured…but the marriage is otherwise decent, and you have love for the person–aren’t we supposed to still put aside that we were pressured and try to make the commitment work?

I would admire a person who did so but would never feel that the person who wanted out was doing anything wrong. What kind of commitment is it if you are making it under duress?

 

[EasterJoy]

It’s interesting that you say that catherina…because really, are any of us 100% certain? I was relatively certain that I wanted to marry my husband, but gosh…it’s a life altering decision, and we evolve. My sister got married shortly out of high school…it’s inevitable that she was going to develop new interests, and evolve. She changed, and her husband never really did…

Ah, but yes, the act of will *can *be freely made, even if we do not like the idea that we cannot see the future. Those attempting marriage need to understand this before their attempt!

We cannot be certain that our decision will always please us in the future. I would go so far to say that those who aren’t totally foolish have to know that. Except for a fortunate few, there will be days in which our decision will not please us. We have to know we are going to have days when we will wonder what we were thinking!! We have to know we will change, or he will change, and maybe we will and he won’t, or will change in another direction. This is human nature, especially the nature of the young.

These things don’t matter. Neither does it matter that we deliberately decided that physical or emotional attractiveness was not the most important feature we wanted in a spouse. What matters is whether or not we were impeded from giving full consent by aptitude, maturity, duress, or bad faith. If we were not, we are bound to our promise, even if the person we married makes choices that leave us on our own in keeping that promise as we can. (Sometimes, that means remaining chaste even as we are abandoned or must seperate ourselves from an abusive spouse.)

There are two big mistakes commonly made in the understanding of valid marriages. One is that the passage of time removes initial conditions of duress or lack of aptitude which rendered the attempt at marriage unsuccessful. The other is that the passage of time removes the intial conditions of promises freely made, which rendered the attempt at marriage successful.

Neither is true. Conditions that were hidden can become known only very much later, but an invalid marriage does not become valid by the passage of time. A valid marrage is not made invalid by the trials which arise later in life. Once invalid, always invalid, and once valid, always valid, too.

This is not pointed at anyone else’s post in particular, but it also seems unclear to people that an unsuccessful attempt at marriage is not a thing of no account. Rather, an unsuccessful attempt at marriage is to be avoided at all costs. A decree of nullity is not an “out.” Even when a decree of nullity is granted…an “ex” is forever!

 

[Jimzz12]

The marriage is licit.

That means the marriage is valid.

Regardless of what she says she loved him.

It is impossible not to love another human being.

Don’t get suckered in by a sob story looking for misguided attention.

If she wanted to leave home all she had to do was get a job and find a place to live.

She had full control over what she was doing when she made a solemn public oath in taking her vows of marriage.

In the law we say a drunk driver is guilty of driving drunk because he was sober when he decided to leave the house and get a drink.

This woman must have been sober at least once in order formulate a plan like this.

I think it more likely she suffers from an undiagnosed mental illness or hormone deficiency which causing her self-pity.