My sister's little secret

  • Thread starter Thread starter justawhisper
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
J

justawhisper

Guest
my sister is having a bit of a dilemma right now… but she doesnt even know i know.

what happened:
my sister was with a guy for 6 years. they had true love. they were meant to be married. she left him for his rich best friend (i love her to death, but shes a gold-digger). anyways, the ex is still, after 3 years, heartbroken like it was yesterday. this is not the point.
she married this rich guy recently. i IMed her ex and asked how he was doing. he then tells me that they were carrying on behind her fiance’s back. sleeping together. here and there. i flipped. i knew it!!! anyways, i didnt approach my wed-that-day sister about this. i still havent. he told me the last time they had sex, he didnt “pull out”. he finished the act inside of her. i dont know the motives for this, as it still isnt the point im trying to make here and now.
now, my younger sister whos staying with her and her husband were talking just about 20 minutes ago. i was telling her about how i may be pregnant (my husband and i are excited to find out) and then she tells me off the record that our sister asked her for a pregnancy test and she doesnt remember the last time she had her period. i of course didnt bring up the ex. like i have said, i havent told anyone i know about it.
so, my sister may be carrying her ex’s child. and the husband doesnt even know. i dont care any at all for this guy but i still feel bad for him. but part of me feels like this was meant to be anyways, as she married him for all the wrong reasons.
what i am getting at is…
i actually feel good and secretly hope it is the ex’s. i dont know if this is appropriate or not. she still loves him. if i were to go into the details here about everything i’d write a small novel.
my fear is that she may abort this child, for fear that her little secret will come to the light. im going back home for a week to visit my family. should i confront her, after i find out forsure if she is pregnant? i dont know if it would be right to even get involved. she definately doesnt know that i know about the two of them. he said they arent seeing each other or talking because the last time they did they had a HUGE fight. i told him that she might be and he is waiting on me to find out. that may have been wrong. someone please tell me what i should do… if anything
 
I would stay out of the situation until you are brought into it by the sister in question. Anything else is hearsay, and as you appear to be deriving some enjoyment from the possibility that your sister’s situation may ruin a marriage, a child, and several lives, IMO that’s all the more reason to mind your own business until you have the facts.
 
justawhisper said:
…now, my younger sister whos staying with her and her husband were talking just about 20 minutes ago. **i was telling her about how i may be pregnantCongratulations! Time to focus on your own pregnancy/family/affairs. **(my husband and i are excited to find out) and then she tells me off the record that our sister asked her for a pregnancy test and she doesnt remember the last time she had her period. i of course didnt bring up the ex. like i have said, i havent told anyone i know about it. Yes you did–below you say you told the ex that she might be pregnant!
so, my sister may be carrying her ex’s child. and the husband doesnt even know. i dont care any at all for this guy but i still feel bad for him. but part of me feels like this was meant to be anyways, as she married him for all the wrong reasons.
what i am getting at is…
i actually feel good and secretly hope it is the ex’s. i dont know if this is appropriate or not. she still loves him. if i were to go into the details here about everything i’d write a small novel.
my fear is that she may abort this child, for fear that her little secret will come to the light. im going back home for a week to visit my family. should i confront her, **No. Why?! **after i find out forsure if she is pregnant? Stay out of it. i dont know if it would be right to even get involved. That’s correct–it wouldn’t be right. she definately doesnt know that i know about the two of them. he said they arent seeing each other or talking because the last time they did they had a HUGE fight. i told him that she might be!!! and he is waiting on me to find out. Back out, fast & keep quiet that may have been wrong. Muy, muy wrong. someone please tell me what i should do… if anything
Click to expand...
You may have written this one way, but the way I read it, you come across sounding almost gleeful or giddy to have this “dirt” on your sister. Your own sister! You need to step wayyyyy back, put your head down & stay busy with your own affairs. IF she’s pregnant, say, “Congratulations” and mean it–period.
 
I agree with the person above, but also pray for your sister and the situation she has created. Pray for the marriage she now is in and pray for the child that is yet to be born.
 
Do not say anything to your sister.

Her ex may have told you an untruth out of spite. You really do not know anything and even if it was a verifiable fact you have no buisness to go to your sister.

Take care you. God Bless you and ask God to help you forget this tidbit of information. Never repeat it to anyone.
 
I don’t get this “mind your own business” attitude here.

The OP is concerned about her sister being involved in a very grave sin and putting her soul in jeopardy, as she should be.

My advice would be to sit down with your sister and have a serious heart-to-heart and get it through her thick head the mess her soul is in (if this is true) and the pain she is going to cause to EVERYONE around her, including herself. It is not your place to encourage her to leave her husband and go after her “true love”. Your place is to remind her that, for whatever reasons, she made a committment to her husband and she needs to stand by her vowels and do the right thing by her marriage. And that includes giving up the extra-marital affairs.

I know if I found such info. about my sister, the last thing I would do is “mind my own business”. She’d be getting an earful from me.
 
Congradulations on your child, and sounds like on her’s also. My suggestion would be to pray about it; and to pray for the child.
 
masondoggy said:
I don’t get this “mind your own business” attitude here.
Click to expand...
I don’t think I would have told the OP to mind her own business if she didn’t admit to feeling good about the possibility that her sister might be pregnant after cheating on her husband, and if she didn’t admit to knowing that her sister was cheating before the marriage (and allowed it to proceed while saying nothing). It doesn’t seem like this is entirely motivated by selfless compassion and concern, and for that reason, I think it might be prudent to stand back.

It would be okay (I think) to have the third sister- the one who has direct knowledge of a possible pregnancy- to approach the sister in question and ask if she is, in fact, pregnant and how she is doing. Also, it is always okay to pray.
 
SeekerJen said:
I don’t think I would have told the OP to mind her own business if she didn’t admit to feeling good about the possibility that her sister might be pregnant after cheating on her husband, and if she didn’t admit to knowing that her sister was cheating before the marriage (and allowed it to proceed while saying nothing). It doesn’t seem like this is entirely motivated by selfless compassion and concern, and for that reason, I think it might be prudent to stand back.

.
Click to expand...
I understood the OP to imply that she suspected there was cheating going on before the marriage, not that she knew.

Maybe she meant she was happy because no matter the circumstances, there may be a new life coming into the world. That’s always something to be joyful about. She can still be joyful at her sister’s new pregnancy without condoning her behavior at the same time.

Either way, it doesn’t matter if she’s happy about it or not, her sister needs to be confronted on her behavior by her family.
 
masondoggy said:
I understood the OP to imply that she suspected there was cheating going on before the marriage, not that she knew.

Maybe she meant she was happy because no matter the circumstances, there may be a new life coming into the world. That’s always something to be joyful about. She can still be joyful at her sister’s new pregnancy without condoning her behavior at the same time.

Either way, it doesn’t matter if she’s happy about it or not, her sister needs to be confronted on her behavior by her family.
Click to expand...
Well, if this is indeed the case, then I apologize to the OP. Unfortunately I’m used to dealing with people who do derive pleasure from gossiping about others’ misfortunes, so I’ve developed a default response to it. I really do hope I’m wrong.

Even so, in the interest of keeping sister-in-question (SIQ?) from doing anything crazy, it might be best if the youngest sister approaches her rather than the OP, especially as SIQ has confided in this sister already. This way SIQ doesn’t have to know (yet) that her confidence has been broken.
 
ok let me clear a few things up, as i may have not explained exactly how i felt correctly, or compiled my post in a more cohereint way. that was due to 1)i think im pregnant and im feeling all sorts of emotions about that 2)im so psyched and excited for her that she may be as well & 3)my chinchilla that was on the loose in the house for the past 3 days that i caught not long before i posted this has a SEVERE problem with her eye, i think she was attacked by my cat.

now.

secretly hoping that it is the ex’s comes from several different reasons. here. which, i know some are utterly wrong and i have prayed about it: i always thought that they were ment for one another. this was my PERSONAL feeling that i never made a point of revealing to all parties involved. its not my life and not my choice and it doesnt really matter what i think about her decisions, its her life. i know that in it’s self is a very wrong feeling to have and i have been trying to let go of such feels, for the past 3 years. another view i had that made me hope was that her presumed wrong doing would come to the light, IF in fact she was carrying on with him. wether or not i like her husband doesnt matter. it wouldnt be right. and i cant exactly waltz in and say “hey guess what i heard from her ex??” to my family. that wouldnt be right. i dont want to start rumors within the family or jepordize her marriage. im trying to fight my human nature, my feelings, towards what i have presented. it is extremely selfish for me to hope for this. im sure what i have felt is wrong.

ASSUMING ALL IS INDEED TRUE, if she is indeed pregant and decides not to abort this child, there would be no question to wether this child was the husband’s or not after birth; she and her husband are white; the ex is black. the baby would be mixed race. im sure they did the maritals on their honeymoon, and possibly before, so there is a chance it could very well be the husband’s. who knows.

the ex was concerned to wether or not he impregnated my sister. i flipped for good and bad when my younger sister told me about the chance. on one hand, ‘YAAAAHOOOOO she’s going to be a mommy!!!’ and in the other ‘…oh… no… what if…?..’ im sure it was the wrong thing to tell the ex. i just reacted. it was wrong, and an impulse that i didnt think clearly about. im praying on that. im backing out of the situation. it was wrong to “feel good” for the moment. almost like justice being served, still not right to find joy in such a snowballed situation, and possibly finding joy at another’s misfortune. just in general, finding some sense of satisfaction in someone “getting what they deserve.” believe me, i am aware of how many shades of wrong this is and i am working to overcome that human condition.

i assume the affair really was going on for several reasons. of course, i was told too late. part of me still knows that he is bitter and willing to do anything to get her back. but one of the problems here is that he knows things that were going on with our family and my sister that he would have had NO way of knowing. not to mention people contacting me, asking if they got back together, because they have seen them together several times and appeared to be “together” together. i started confronting her on this some years ago, finally. still do when i hear about it. she says there was nothing like that going on, they were just friends and would have lunch, but not to tell anyone about it. wether or not it was right to have kept my mouth shut about it, i have no clue. either way, it all made too much sense.

either way, its all word of mouth here. his claims to the affair. i know this.

i dont know what im getting at here. im so worried for so many reasons. even if she isnt pregnant should i still approach her for any reason at all? or even if she IS pregnant? i honestly dont know what to do. this is my family here. i feel obligated to talk to her about this. not to condemn her for her wrong-doings. i wouldnt do that.
 
SeekerJen said:
Well, if this is indeed the case, then I apologize to the OP. Unfortunately I’m used to dealing with people who do derive pleasure from gossiping about others’ misfortunes, so I’ve developed a default response to it. I really do hope I’m wrong.

Even so, in the interest of keeping sister-in-question (SIQ?) from doing anything crazy, it might be best if the youngest sister approaches her rather than the OP, especially as SIQ has confided in this sister already. This way SIQ doesn’t have to know (yet) that her confidence has been broken.
Click to expand...
i havent told the younger sister about the affair in question here. thats why i am so confused to what i should do. if i tell the younger sister, it will be spread throughout the family faster than a wild fire. she cant keep a secret.
 
justawhisper said:
i havent told the younger sister about the affair in question here. thats why i am so confused to what i should do. if i tell the younger sister, it will be spread throughout the family faster than a wild fire. she cant keep a secret.
Click to expand...
Maybe you could ask your younger sister if she’s heard any updates on the possible pregnancy. Or, if your younger sister is known to not keep secrets, it might not be a big deal for you to approach the other sister, say “Hey, younger sis told me that you thought you might be pregnant, and I thought, ‘Hey, what timing! Our kids might be the same age!’” and see what she says. If she’s not pregnant…I’m not sure how to approach her on the cheating issue. Does she even know that you are still contacting her ex? If not, she might fly off the handle if you mention it. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you shouldn’t mention it to her (not to her husband, not yet- hopefully she will listen to her conscience and do it if she’s not about to break it off with the ex), but if you’re contacting the ex behind her back, she might not be willing to listen to anything else you have to say.

But definitely get clarification on the pregnancy before anything else.
 
My main concern would be for the baby that you think she might abort. Does she have an attitude that would lead you to believe she might really do something like this? If so, I’d be doing what’s in the best interest of that child. Not sure what that is, specifically, since I don’t know your sister. I think concentrating on a possible new life would be in everyone’s best interest. Would your acknowledgement of a possible pregnancy make her any less likely to do such a thing?

And Congratulations to you!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top