E
Epistemes
Guest
First of all, let me ask for your prayers concerning the situation which I’m about to describe – offer them through our Loving Mother.
It’s hard to know how to begin to describe this situation since it involves so much – much of which I will clearly be unable to describe in these few paragraphs – but let me begin by saying that my stepdad has always experienced problems with my stepsister, who is 39. She became pregnant when she was 18; the baby’s father has, for the past 21 years, been a negligent bum (to say the least), offering very little in the way of assistance in any manner whatsoever. He no longer lives or has contact with my stepsister or her kids. This pregnancy was only the beginning. Since then, she has been reckless with money, her kids, her life, her jobs, her everything. She is constantly behind on her rent, she is constantly being kicked out of apartments, her daughter has all but ran away from home and treading a similar slippery slope, she recently had her car repossessed, and she’s got a son (who is 10) who must watch and learn by no other example but this.
My stepdad is heartbroken, ashamed, and utterly beside himself with a confusion of emotions. He loves his daughter, naturally, he has tried assisting her many times, but it seems that she will not change her ways for all the advice or upset disagreements they may have. According to my mom, my stepsister now owes them somewhere around $2500, not including the time and energy and money spent during the brief time she lived with them.
Just last night my stepsister called, telling my mom that her car’s heat gasket exploded, that she can’t afford to get the car fixed because she’s already behind on rent even though she works two jobs. But she has money to go to the beach, go out with friends, etc. It’s obvious that instead of facing up to the detriment of her situation, she’d rather spend the money in order to make herself feel better which only continues to the downward spiral. It seems that she simply will not help herself. And my stepdad, hearing about the phone conversation with my mom, exploded in his own fit of discouragement and anger, called her “the spawn of Satan,” and said he would not help her anymore.
I have no idea if there is anything I, personally, can say, do, or whatever to ease the tensions between these two. I feel as if there may be no reconciliation between these two for a very long time, if at all, for my stepdad is “finished” with these emotional pressures and I’m sure my stepsister will hold the world’s greatest burden against him if no more assistance comes her way. Her own mother – my stepdad’s ex-wife – won’t even help.
I wish I knew what Christ expected of me in moments such as this, what position I should take, or how I might begin to offer words of wisdom to them both, or even just to my stepdad, if I knew what that might be. For instance, I was reflecting on the Sermon on the Mount when Jesus says, “Give to him who begs from you, and do not refuse him who would borrow from you” (Matt 5:42) – but what would Jesus say to those borrowers who borrowed and did not change their ways? Is it not true that the Lord helps those who help themselves?
I feel that it is my Christian mission to heal the wounds that are evident heal, to help bring about forgiveness, but I don’t know how.
It’s hard to know how to begin to describe this situation since it involves so much – much of which I will clearly be unable to describe in these few paragraphs – but let me begin by saying that my stepdad has always experienced problems with my stepsister, who is 39. She became pregnant when she was 18; the baby’s father has, for the past 21 years, been a negligent bum (to say the least), offering very little in the way of assistance in any manner whatsoever. He no longer lives or has contact with my stepsister or her kids. This pregnancy was only the beginning. Since then, she has been reckless with money, her kids, her life, her jobs, her everything. She is constantly behind on her rent, she is constantly being kicked out of apartments, her daughter has all but ran away from home and treading a similar slippery slope, she recently had her car repossessed, and she’s got a son (who is 10) who must watch and learn by no other example but this.
My stepdad is heartbroken, ashamed, and utterly beside himself with a confusion of emotions. He loves his daughter, naturally, he has tried assisting her many times, but it seems that she will not change her ways for all the advice or upset disagreements they may have. According to my mom, my stepsister now owes them somewhere around $2500, not including the time and energy and money spent during the brief time she lived with them.
Just last night my stepsister called, telling my mom that her car’s heat gasket exploded, that she can’t afford to get the car fixed because she’s already behind on rent even though she works two jobs. But she has money to go to the beach, go out with friends, etc. It’s obvious that instead of facing up to the detriment of her situation, she’d rather spend the money in order to make herself feel better which only continues to the downward spiral. It seems that she simply will not help herself. And my stepdad, hearing about the phone conversation with my mom, exploded in his own fit of discouragement and anger, called her “the spawn of Satan,” and said he would not help her anymore.
I have no idea if there is anything I, personally, can say, do, or whatever to ease the tensions between these two. I feel as if there may be no reconciliation between these two for a very long time, if at all, for my stepdad is “finished” with these emotional pressures and I’m sure my stepsister will hold the world’s greatest burden against him if no more assistance comes her way. Her own mother – my stepdad’s ex-wife – won’t even help.
I wish I knew what Christ expected of me in moments such as this, what position I should take, or how I might begin to offer words of wisdom to them both, or even just to my stepdad, if I knew what that might be. For instance, I was reflecting on the Sermon on the Mount when Jesus says, “Give to him who begs from you, and do not refuse him who would borrow from you” (Matt 5:42) – but what would Jesus say to those borrowers who borrowed and did not change their ways? Is it not true that the Lord helps those who help themselves?
I feel that it is my Christian mission to heal the wounds that are evident heal, to help bring about forgiveness, but I don’t know how.