My Struggles with Being Catholic... (Part 1 O_O)

[MagipolyKarp]

I’ve been having some issues for the last few months regarding my faith. My dedication to Catholicism has been largely based on following all the teachings and rules placed upon me, and not so much a genuine love for God / to do His will out of love and yearning to do what is right. (I know i need to work on this aspect but thata another story) Really its straight up fear of being damned forever.
I struggle with the mortal sins of many young men: ie masturbation, pornography, missing mass, and I get drunk voluntarily every once in a blue moon. The frustration I feel is that it’s not enough to be a good person. I could be the next Mother Theresa and do so much good for the world for let’s say like 30 years straight, and give in to my lust for one small moment and masturbate, get hit in a fatal car crash, and go straight to hell. Because I met the criteria for a mortal sin. One intentional missing of mass, die and im screwed. One night im feeling down and say to hell with I feel like drinking, die and have to suffer for eternity.
All because I have invested in knowing my faith. But now that I know and am not ignorant of these things, i feel like its more of a curse than a blessing. Because now I live in a state of paranoia, constantly thinking about if I screw up once I’m done… And that’s no way to live. I don’t think that is what God wants of me but the burden of being on thin ice all the time in regards to mortal sin is making me that way. Like, so much as thinking lustful thoughts intentionally is a mortal sin, not even acting on them but thinking about it.
Stuff like that is crazy to me, not only do I have to abstain from a bunch of other things but I firmly have to regulate my mind as well?? And if I think about something in a lustful way intentionally then I have to hop right on to he confessional then too?? Sometimes you just cant help what you think!! Its so unfair… And these other catholics are commiting who knows what kind of mortal sins on the regular but in their blissful ignorance they receive communion every weekend and its ok apparently! They’re excused because they don’t no any better!! Its just so lame to me.
I feel like I genuinely have a good heart and try to do as many good things in my day to day as I can, but it sucks that that’s not enough. I would be happy to be more active in my spiritual life if I didn’t have these daunting rules placed upon me; I was telling my friend the gist of this the other day and he told me that he believes God will judge your heart when you die and not these other more trivial (in my eyes at least; i know theyre important things to be conscious of and not let out of hand but i feel as though they shouldnt carry so much weight with respect to my eternity in the afterlife) things that I’m so worried could screw me over. I like the thought of this and it seems like a merciful God would do this. But apparently not.
Either way I’m so indoctrinated in Catholic teaching that I’m always going to believe in the punishments for commuting mortal sins so yeah i guess I’m always going to think in this sad way that apparently is right…
The reason I posted this is basically for some kind of way I can cope with this from people maybe who get where I’m coming from / any advice someone can give me.
Thanks guys.

 

[Lea101]

If you intentionslly lust, you CAN help it, don’t kid yourself. A naked woman can be in front of you now, and if you choose to indulge in your lust, well that’s a conscious action you made. However I do think you might be confused between sexual desire and lust. If you see someone hot and feel aroused but you stop yourself by turning away/praying/distracting yourself, that’s not wrong. But if you continue staring/thinking, that’s when you should feel guilty. Sexual desire can turn into lust really quickly. If you still feel confused (I’m not the best at explaining), you should ask a priest or at least google the difference (look at catholic websites)

If it makes you feel better, I’m struggling too. However I feel more at ease because every time I do something wrong, I feel really guilty (automatically) for disobeying God. So at least I’m aware that I repented sincerely (of course confession is still a must)

 

[MaryT777]

You make a statement that I can relate to. I am doing my best to be a committed Catholic and yet I have a good friend who loves to trumpet out her good works when she does them, has had an abortion and told me she’d do it again and stand before God and tell him that, teaches in a Catholic school signing on she agrees with Church teachings when she does not.

She happily ushers at Mass and takes Communion weekly and is sure she will go straight to heaven for she never misses mass unlike " all those other pew warmer Catholics just there here and there."

I am so frustrated when she talks this way. She lives in blissful invincible ignorance as you say. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I fall into the same ole’ sins. Have done my best but far from perfect. Know that I am a work in progress and don’t take my salvation for granted.

That said, the only thing I can think of is perhaps you are acutely aware of sin and your need for a savior. Maybe overly so? A visit to the priest might be in order for we all sin and fall short of the glory of God No one should feel constantly in fear of Hell.

During Lent one year our priest said “hey, how are those Lenten promises going? Just want to let you know if you are falling into the same sins over and over you are in the majority and don’t give up hope…”

So I have no good answer for you except to say your post brings an interesting discussion and I await the answers…

Mary.

 

[pianistclare]

Mary’s post is good, but I will add:

What makes you think that none of the saints experienced all the same stuff you do?

They did. That’s why they are saints. They overcame, they prayed, they suffered like we all do in all the ways that we do.
And they persevered.
Persevere my friend.

You-know-who would love for you to give up. Don’t do it.
Don’t ever despair. You are the child of a King.
Be the hands and feet of Christ. Get busy helping others. There are kids to be tutored, elderly to be visited, communion to be taken to the sick, hungry to be fed, prisoners to send good reading material to…you get the picture.

You’ll find peace and joy and fulfillment by being there for someone else. In doing so, Christ is also there with you.

Peace.
pianist

 

[MaryT777]

Well stated as usual, pianistclare.

Peace and Blessings to you for your posts on the forums.

Mary.

 

[Mintaka]

Being young and full of energy tends to go away sooner than you think!

You’re also forgetting that, by doing virtuous deeds and by living a virtuous life, you tend to train yourself into a frame of mind that isn’t easy to tempt, and makes it harder for you to fall. After a while you will find that a lot of sinful behavior seems silly.

Proverbs 24:16 –
“For a just man shall fall seven times but gets up again,
while a wicked man falls into evil.”

If you are a virtuous person who sins mortally, it will embarrass you more… but you will also find it easier to confess your sin, and then to make reparations and amend your life. Doing the right thing will seem more natural to you than doing the wrong thing.

On the other hand, someone who sins all the time (especially with mortal sins) will tend to be more experienced in overlooking just how bad he’s behaving. He will have a thousand reasons why it doesn’t matter, or why other people do much worse things and therefore he’s actually good. That’s why it usually takes some kind of really bad shock to get such people to change, and why they often have so much trouble keeping at it.

That doesn’t mean that an unrepentant just man can’t go to Hell, or that a repentant wicked man can’t go to Heaven. It just means that, all else being equal, a repentant just man is a lot better off than an unrepentant wicked man with lots of nasty little sins.

Of course God sees what’s in our hearts and judges us by that.

But what is in our hearts is affected by how we think, every day, and what we do, every day. The heart of someone who never fully surrenders to sin is totally different than the heart of someone who just lives carelessly, doing whatever bad or good thing he feels like. If you don’t fight it, the bad things become more to your taste than the good… and eventually you’re not good at heart, anymore.

 

[Trident_H]

Being young and full of energy tends to go away sooner than you think!

You’re also forgetting that, by doing virtuous deeds and by living a virtuous life, you tend to train yourself into a frame of mind that isn’t easy to tempt, and makes it harder for you to fall. After a while you will find that a lot of sinful behavior seems silly.

If you are a virtuous person who sins mortally, it will embarrass you more… but you will also find it easier to confess your sin, and then to make reparations and amend your life. Doing the right thing will seem more natural to you than doing the wrong thing.

On the other hand, someone who sins all the time (especially with mortal sins) will tend to be more experienced in overlooking just how bad he’s behaving. He will have a thousand reasons why it doesn’t matter, or why other people do much worse things and therefore he’s actually good. That’s why it usually takes some kind of really bad shock to get such people to change, and why they often have so much trouble keeping at it.

That doesn’t mean that an unrepentant just man can’t go to Hell, or that a repentant wicked man can’t go to Heaven. It just means that, all else being equal, a repentant just man is a lot better off than an unrepentant wicked man with lots of nasty little sins.

Of course God sees what’s in our hearts and judges us by that.

But what is in our hearts is affected by how we think, every day, and what we do, every day. The heart of someone who never fully surrenders to sin is totally different than the heart of someone who just lives carelessly, doing whatever bad or good thing he feels like. If you don’t fight it, the bad things become more to your taste than the good… and eventually you’re not good at heart, anymore.

Right on. Well said.

 

[Techno2000]

I’ve been having some issues for the last few months regarding my faith. My dedication to Catholicism has been largely based on following all the teachings and rules placed upon me, and not so much a genuine love for God / to do His will out of love and yearning to do what is right. (I know i need to work on this aspect but thata another story) Really its straight up fear of being damned forever.
I struggle with the mortal sins of many young men: ie masturbation, pornography, missing mass, and I get drunk voluntarily every once in a blue moon. The frustration I feel is that it’s not enough to be a good person. I could be the next Mother Theresa and do so much good for the world for let’s say like 30 years straight, and give in to my lust for one small moment and masturbate, get hit in a fatal car crash, and go straight to hell. Because I met the criteria for a mortal sin. One intentional missing of mass, die and im screwed. One night im feeling down and say to hell with I feel like drinking, die and have to suffer for eternity.

Prayer to the Shoulder Wound of Jesus

It is related in the annals of Clairvaux that St. Bernard asked Our Lord which was His greatest unrecorded suffering and Our Lord answered: “I had on My Shoulder, while I bore My Cross on the Way of Sorrows, a grievous Wound, which was more painful than the others and which is not recorded by men. Honor this Wound with thy devotion and I will grant thee whatsoever thou dost ask through Its virtue and merit. And in regard to all those who shall venerate this Wound, I will remit to them all their venial sins and will no longer remember their mortal sins.”

This revelation and promise of Our Dear Savior is another proof of His unlimited mercy. You are urged to say these prayers daily and to promulgate this prayer on a continuous basis, so that others may share in this blessing.

The Prayer

O Loving Jesus, meek Lamb of God, I a miserable sinner, salute and worship the most Sacred Wound of Thy Shoulder on which Thou didst bear Thy heavy Cross, which so tore Thy Flesh and laid bare Thy Bones as to inflict on Thee an anguish greater than any other Wound of Thy Most Blessed Body. I adore Thee, O Jesus most sorrowful; I praise and glorify Thee and give Thee thanks for this most sacred and painful Wound, beseeching Thee by that exceeding pain and by the crushing burden of Thy heavy Cross to be merciful to me, a sinner, to forgive me all my mortal and venial sins, and to lead me on towards Heaven along the Way of Thy Cross. Amen.
Imprimatur: Thomas D. Beven, Bishop of Springfield, Ma.

Pope Eugenius III, at the earnest request of St. Bernard, has granted three thousand years Indulgence to all who with a contrite heart, recite the Lord’s Prayer and Hail Mary 3 times, in honor of the Wound on the Shoulder of Our Blessed Redeemer.
brizek.com/prayer/pieta.htm

An Unpublished Manuscript on Purgatory

Excerpt :

I can tell you about the different degrees of Purgatory because I have passed through them. In the great Purgatory there are several stages. In the lowest and most painful, like a temporary hell, are the sinners who have committed terrible crimes during life and whose death surprised them in that state. It was almost a miracle that they were saved, and often by the prayers of holy parents or other pious persons. Sometimes they did not even have time to confess their sins and the world thought them lost, but God, whose mercy is infinite, gave them at the moment of death the contrition necessary for their salvation on account of one or more good actions which they performed during life. For such souls, Purgatory is terrible. It is a real hell with this difference, that in hell they curse God, whereas we bless Him and thank Him for having saved us.

catholicculture.org/culture/library/view.cfm?recnum=6253

 

[Tax_Collector14]

Sheesh, guys, welcome to the club of being human! And Catholic in a world that tempts you to be about anything but…hey, listen, I’m a man and after 41 years of living and struggling with the same sins and tendencies that you’ve referenced, what I can tell you is that IT GETS BETTER, I’m serious…just keep using the sacraments, that is what they are there for! Whenever I would fall (and sometime still do) into sins of the flesh, I would immediately get to Confession and still do, by the grace of God…what I can tell you is that for me, it went from a daily struggle to avoid (felt like spiritual boot camp) to now once in a while (granted, I have a family now, so much less free time).

Basically, think of sins of the flesh like a rabid dog chained up…learn to and practice the virtue of avoiding them…much easier said than done when you are young…but virtue becomes habit-forming. Also remember, what the devil wants you to do is throw in the towel…DO NOT GIVE UP!!! Remember, you are human being in the process of theosis! Be patient with yourself and cry out to God, He will hear you and give you rest…His burden is light (although it’s still a burden and you have to carry it)…you are not alone in carrying it.

Also, an interesting thing: I have found in my own experience that paradoxically, I feel more spiritual consolation when I am in a state of mortal sin or at least have fallen into serious sin…the only conclusion that I can draw from this is that our God is an awesome God…He comforts those who need it most…when we are in sin and realize and recognize it, WOW! There is more joy in heaven over one repentant sinner than 99 who have no need of repentance…

So when you are at your low point, yes, this is part of the saint-making process…don’t give up, you have so many brothers and sisters fighting the same struggles! Offer your suffering for those lost in the same sins who are on their way to hell…that they cry out to Jesus themselves and be saved.

 

[gardenswithkids]

You may know many of the rules and regulations of Catholicism, but it strikes me upon reading your original post that you have forgotten some of the very basics. God is good! We rely on His goodness, grace and mercy for our salvation.

It seems that many Catholics who struggle against sin get discouraged because they think God may be hiding somewhere, waiting for them to commit a mortal sin and then BAM! A lightening bolt strikes and they die in a state of mortal sin.

Yes, it’s possible to die in a state of mortal sin after trying to live a life of goodness. We don’t “earn” heaven on our own goodness—we are dependent upon God’s goodness and grace to save us. When we fall, we turn to His mercy. It’s also possible for someone to live an entire life of debauchery–and die in a state of grace after a last minute conversion. (The later situation gives us hope to keep praying for friends or family who have turned away rather than causing us to give up trying.)

God is not waiting to “zap” you when you fall; he’s waiting for you to turn to Him and His grace. Remembering that God is good and that we need His grace makes it easier to follow His rules. His rules for us and His mercy flow from His goodness, and it is only through His grace that we are able to live according to His ways.

 

[RPRPsych]

You may know many of the rules and regulations of Catholicism, but it strikes me upon reading your original post that you have forgotten some of the very basics. God is good! We rely on His goodness, grace and mercy for our salvation.

It seems that many Catholics who struggle against sin get discouraged because they think God may be hiding somewhere, waiting for them to commit a mortal sin and then BAM! A lightening bolt strikes and they die in a state of mortal sin.

Yes, it’s possible to die in a state of mortal sin after trying to live a life of goodness. We don’t “earn” heaven on our own goodness—we are dependent upon God’s goodness and grace to save us. When we fall, we turn to His mercy. It’s also possible for someone to live an entire life of debauchery–and die in a state of grace after a last minute conversion. (The later situation gives us hope to keep praying for friends or family who have turned away rather than causing us to give up trying.)

God is not waiting to “zap” you when you fall; he’s waiting for you to turn to Him and His grace. Remembering that God is good and that we need His grace makes it easier to follow His rules. His rules for us and His mercy flow from His goodness, and it is only through His grace that we are able to live according to His ways.

Very well said.

It’s also worth recalling the words of Saint Bernadette. When a priest asked her “who is a sinner?” (in response to the words she had heard from Our Lady: “Pray for sinners!”), she replied “A sinner is one who loves sin.”

So, as long as you haven’t crossed the Rubicon of excusing, rationalizing and considering your sins to be perfectly “natural” or even “meritorious” acts, you’re on the right track. Keep trying to do better.

(BTW, love the username! Are you a gamer?)

 

[Richard_White]

The struggles that you are going through, my friend, are just the normal signs of your growth in holiness. You obviously love God and detest sin as He desires you to, and as you continue getting better and better within the Faith, you will continue to become more and more sensitive to sin in your life until eventually you can root out many of your bad habits and then just have to worry about the small things in our human sinfulness.

What you say about mortal sin is true because when we sin mortally, we are really, truly desiring to do something contrary to what God has ordained. As such, this serious sin shows that we care more about human pleasures than divine live, and for this reason, we are cut off from God’s grace for a time. However, if you really live God, then you will come back to Him quickly through Confession and everything will be fine.

Finally, when it comes to purity…believe me, we’ve all been there. Just ask God for the grace to remain chaste and pure, with intercession from Mary, Saint Maria Goretti, Saint Anthony of Padua, Saint Paul, Saint Thomas Aquinas, etc. They are all models of purity and are ready to help you through your struggles. And don’t forget, if you don’t will a lustful thought, then it is not your fault and there is no sin.

May God bless you and grant you peace!

 

[MatthewTrainor]

There’s a lot here but first off I think that you may be struggling with scrupulosity. You should read Scrupulosity: The Occupational Hazard of the Catholic Moral Life By: Mark Lowery.

give in to my lust for one small moment and masturbate, get hit in a fatal car crash, and go straight to hell. Because I met the criteria for a mortal sin.

Masturbation, by itself, is not a mortal sin. At most it has been called gravely disordered and there are many mitigating circumstances that could apply in a particular case.

One intentional missing of mass, die and im screwed.

This one is so easily avoided it isn’t worth the energy it takes to worry about it. Just don’t deliberately skip Sunday Mass.

One night im feeling down and say to hell with I feel like drinking, die and have to suffer for eternity.

Wait … what? When did drinking alcohol become sinful?!? Sure, excessively drinking all the time so that it takes precedence over all the other priorities in your life including God then you will have a problem. Or if you regularly over indulge on weekends to the point that you are always too ill to attend Mass on Sunday. Responsibly having a few drinks to relax is not a sin in any way.

 All because I have invested in knowing my faith. But now that I know and am not ignorant of these things, i feel like its more of a curse than a blessing. Because now I live in a state of paranoia, constantly thinking about if I screw up once I'm done..

These are classic symptoms of scrupulosity. This is something that you really need to learn more about. Read the above article and do a search for more info on scrupulosity.

And if I think about something in a lustful way intentionally then I have to hop right on to he confessional then too?? Sometimes you just cant help what you think!!

Thoughts you can’t help thinking are, by definition, not intentional. When you see a beautiful woman walk by and spontaneously think, “Wow! She’s gorgeous!” There’s nothing wrong with that. The sin enters in if you start thinking the “What if” fantasies using her image. So you can appreciate a beautiful woman but must stop yourself from fantasizing about her. A good method is to say a quick Hail Mary or Our Father quietly to yourself if you feel the temptation to dwell on the thoughts and it will pass. As with any skill the more you practice resisting the temptation the better you get at it until it becomes easy.

I would be happy to be more active in my spiritual life if I didn’t have these daunting rules placed upon me;

Another indicator of scrupulosity. The rules are not nearly as daunting as you believe them to be. If you’d like to discuss particular issues I’d be happy to, but two of the examples you presented (masturbation and drinking alcohol) are not mortal sins by any stretch of the imagination where a single unrepentant incident will automatically result in eternal damnation.

I’ve mentioned in another thread that I find it very notable that, while the Church has a formal process for recognizing when there is sufficient evidence to demonstrate when a departed soul has definitively achieved heaven (canonization), there is no analogous process for recognizing when someone has definitively gone to hell. Not for Hitler, nor Stalin nor anyone else you could name. To my knowledge, the Church hasn’t even affirmatively claimed that Judas went to hell upon his death, despite the scriptural implication that “It would be better for that man if he had never been born.” (Mt 24:26, Mk 14:21). The Church simply does not teach “Do X and you will go to hell.” The most the Church teaches is that engaging in sinful behavior puts you at risk of eternal damnation. Our merciful Lord always has the last say, and his mercy is everlasting.

 

[LSK]

I’ve been having some issues for the last few months regarding my faith. My dedication to Catholicism has been largely based on following all the teachings and rules placed upon me, and not so much a genuine love for God / to do His will out of love and yearning to do what is right. (I know i need to work on this aspect but thata another story) Really its straight up fear of being damned forever.
I struggle with the mortal sins of many young men: ie masturbation, pornography, missing mass, and I get drunk voluntarily every once in a blue moon. The frustration I feel is that it’s not enough to be a good person. I could be the next Mother Theresa and do so much good for the world for let’s say like 30 years straight, and give in to my lust for one small moment and masturbate, get hit in a fatal car crash, and go straight to hell. Because I met the criteria for a mortal sin. One intentional missing of mass, die and im screwed. One night im feeling down and say to hell with I feel like drinking, die and have to suffer for eternity.
All because I have invested in knowing my faith. But now that I know and am not ignorant of these things, i feel like its more of a curse than a blessing. Because now I live in a state of paranoia, constantly thinking about if I screw up once I’m done… And that’s no way to live. I don’t think that is what God wants of me but the burden of being on thin ice all the time in regards to mortal sin is making me that way. Like, so much as thinking lustful thoughts intentionally is a mortal sin, not even acting on them but thinking about it.
Stuff like that is crazy to me, not only do I have to abstain from a bunch of other things but I firmly have to regulate my mind as well?? And if I think about something in a lustful way intentionally then I have to hop right on to he confessional then too?? Sometimes you just cant help what you think!! Its so unfair… And these other catholics are commiting who knows what kind of mortal sins on the regular but in their blissful ignorance they receive communion every weekend and its ok apparently! They’re excused because they don’t no any better!! Its just so lame to me.
I feel like I genuinely have a good heart and try to do as many good things in my day to day as I can, but it sucks that that’s not enough. I would be happy to be more active in my spiritual life if I didn’t have these daunting rules placed upon me; I was telling my friend the gist of this the other day and he told me that he believes God will judge your heart when you die and not these other more trivial (in my eyes at least; i know theyre important things to be conscious of and not let out of hand but i feel as though they shouldnt carry so much weight with respect to my eternity in the afterlife) things that I’m so worried could screw me over. I like the thought of this and it seems like a merciful God would do this. But apparently not.
Either way I’m so indoctrinated in Catholic teaching that I’m always going to believe in the punishments for commuting mortal sins so yeah i guess I’m always going to think in this sad way that apparently is right…
The reason I posted this is basically for some kind of way I can cope with this from people maybe who get where I’m coming from / any advice someone can give me.
Thanks guys.

I gotta tell you…it sounds like a myriad of issues going on - being young, being scrupulous, looking for a way to call ourselves faithful without really having to do much…heck, it sounds real familiar…I may be old now but baby I was young once…and I remember…
and let me ask you something - why is it sad to think we will be punished for mortal sins? shouldn’t we be thinking that it is sad that we COMMITT mortal sins rather than be sad only about the punishment?