Codependents Anonymous might be a good start. It’s a 12-step program, may even be one near where you live.
If one isn’t near you, there is Alanon. Both Alanon and CA focus on boundaries, one thing.
They may have some dues, but they should be very inexpensive. There is a book on codependency, but the local library may even also have a copy.
Also, you mentioned intimacy. Codependents also very commonly confuse sex with love. It’s part of that mindset, but they recommend not beating oneself up about that, because the guilt would probably only make matters worse. They suggest forgiving oneself for having done this, understanding why this happened, learning from it, and moving on.
CA talks a lot about setting boundaries, but they provide guidelines and have a lot of experience in these matters. It suggests not overstepping our boundaries with others and not allowing others to overstep ours, to take it one day at a time.
I think the website I attached had a treatment center, but I think that was a lot for people who have substance abuse problems, as well, which didn’t seem to be your case.
When you were raised, you probably never learned how to set boundaries, probably had your boundaries crossed constantly and came to view all this as “normal”. So, you will need to unlearn this, but it can be done.
Codependents often can’t even identify their own emotions when asked. For example, someone can ask what emotions you are feeling, and you may be unable to even answer that, needing to relearn even how to feel!
Again, don’t be hard on yourself, guilt and blame won’t get you anywhere, especially with this condition. Forgive yourself, learn, and keep going forward. Do your best, and that’s all anyone can do, right?
