Shameless:
I have led a VERY sinful past, I sin sin a lot but I’m slowly overcoming it. My wife and I have very similar pasts, we both were fornicators I was only with a few people, my wife however was with more, we both viewed porn as younger people me much more than her, both smoked pot, both some drinking, I’m a life long Catholic, who recently started taking my life more serious, my wife is a convert (1997), she too is now taking her life more serious.
Me: struggle very badly with self abuse, impurity, etc.
Wife: NEVER commits a mortal sin.
I go to confession anywhere from 2-4 times a month and ny wife goes once a year.
I do not want anyone to get the wrong idea I’m glad my wife is not a sinner like me. But why such a difference between us since we had so similar a past?
My wife does know about my struggles with the impurity, we can’t seem to figure out the difference, any idea’s?
Shameless - You are with the right religion.
***The Catholic Church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints. ***
This is an expression I have no idea who invented - maybe a good many grandmothers.
All you can do is work at it. Sins of impurity, while bad, can often be mitigated by addiction or other circumstances. Sins of passion are the most difficult to control and the Lord is most interested in how hard we try to control them, even if we don’t always succeed. Of course, it is important to keep going to confession.
I think you will find, that if you have not already, finding a single confessor that you can deal with face to face as long as you have a particular addiction, is the best remedy. It makes you try harder, but if you fall, its ok to go back.
I suggest finding someone new that you’ve never confessed sins to before, and especially if you can find a local monastery. You may have one in your area and not even know it. You have no idea just how many people priests counsel out of addictions. In one post on this forum, one spoke of how he counseled a young man for four months working through his addictions.
If you want to stop badly enough, you need to use some toughlove on yourself. I did - and it worked, quickly.
With my particular addictions (and I have had many varieties of them - in fact, most people do if they look hard enough - i.e.gossip, lashing out at people, etc.), I needed to dig into the attitudes that fueled them. The requirements I placed on myself to stop were:
- One confessor, face-to-face
- Must tell confessor “why” I did it and what led up to it.
- Confess the attitudes, not just the sins (requires a deep dive).
I spoke before of the ladder of temptation and I shared that model with the priest when I went in. This led to another requirement should I have to come back…
- How far up the ladder of temptation was I when I fell (goes to how hard one fights)
- There is always a moment when you can say “no”. When did it first strike - on the first rung of the ladder? If so, why did I delay getting down?
- What was I doing in the first place that caused me to land on the ladder of temptation. Sometimes it happens through no fault of our own. However, if it came during a favorite TV program, then I have learned this is the limb I need to cut off " if your right arm causes you to sin…"
Now, I had to go back to the same priest for other things (for a change) and I was able to tell him that this remedy the Lord had given me was highly effective. It was the deterrent I needed and the incentive to work harder. Father had given me an entire Rosary - my stiffest penance ever and I asked her for help. She did. A week later I found myself on the Ladder of Temptation and I detected that first moment to say, “No”. At that point, I could hear the Blessed Mother in my heart say:
“Step down now without delay because if you dwell there and end up on that second rung, you will have to tell my Son through your confessor that you ignored His Mother”.
Lemme tell you, I got down quickly and went about other things - which proved to be the key. Now I’ve learned the art of self-discipline in one regard - do not dwell and remove yourself from the situation ASAP.
What I discovered after one sinful habit came abruptly to an end was that a dam had broke lose and for the first time in many years, I found lots of other things that required work and that is what we discuss now.
Trust me, there is nothing I can’t place on Father’s desk face-to-face after I emptied my closet that first day. I can tell him anything now and that is good because for the first time, I’m making spiritual progress.
