My wife at church

[Cat]

Just curious, but where did the OP say he wanted his wife to come to church? It sounds more to me like his wife is the one wanting to be there, not him asking her

Post #1 "I certainly want us to attend as a family…’

 

[Cat]

So to clarify, not trying to force her to attend. As I continually tell her, she doesn’t need to come on our account, I don’t need the help and I don’t care about the “appearances”, other than I’d rather my kids see her not going than to see her not taking it seriously. It is actually considerably less stressful when she’s not there. But I would love to see her want to be there, so I don’t want to drive her away which is what I’m afraid of doing. Everyone on here has made some good points to think about, thank you.

millstreet, of course you should never force her to attend, and you certainly shouldn’t do anything to drive her away.

What I suggest is giving her your permission and blessing NOT to attend Mass with you if she chooses.

Talk with her and let her know that she is not obligated to attend Mass (and that’s true–the Church does not teach that non-Catholics are obligated to attend Mass each week).

Let her know that it’s fine if she chooses to stay home and relax and have a little time away from the twins.

Very often, when we have permission NOT to do something, we want to do it! And when we want to do it, we are more likely to try harder to do it correctly.

One more thing–I was at Mass last night, and I watched a lot of young mothers with their babies and toddlers. Many young moms did the same kind of thing that your wife does–lots of cuddling and kissing, letting them pull her hair, play with her clothing or jewelry, etc. And just like your wife, these ladies did not seem to be paying any attention to the Mass…

…but I’ll bet they ARE paying more attention than it appears! Moms have an amazing ability to be interacting with their little ones and still being aware of what’s going on around them.

I also watched Dads, and although most of them would hold their children on their laps, most of them did not do any kissing, cuddling, etc. One of the dads allowed his baby to play with his glasses.

It was interesting to do this kind of observing.

So be careful not to expect your wife to act like a man/daddy, and be even more careful not to expect your twins to act like adults in the Mass. You say they behave with you. Enjoy it while it lasts. I think that they are “biding their time” with you, and one day, when you least expect it, they will suddenly show you what 3-year-olds are capable of, and all your discipline methods will be of little avail! It happens to every parent. Kids are not little grown-ups, they’re kids.

So perhaps just allow things to continue as they are and don’t worry about your wife’s behavior with the twins.

Oh, don’t pay any attention to that couple in your parish with ten children all under the age of 10, who sit perfectly straight and still throughout the Mass, and the husband is handsome and the women is gorgeous and has a perfect figure even after having ten children, and they all look happy to be at Mass. There is a couple like this in every Catholic Church (and in many Protestant churches, too!). They are definitely NOT the norm!