"My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It"

[EasterJoy]

I wanted twins, we had twins, I’m so thankful we had twins, but twins are really difficult. Most experts on twins suggest that there always be two adults present to take care of them for the first three months. We did (my MIL lived with us) and I was still exhausted…beyond exhausted. I joked that I’d get more sleep if the Moonies would kidnap me for a brainwashing. The divorce rate spikes for couples with young twins. So let’s not minimize the difficulty he’s looking at, because when twins are two or three years old and under, they are a very big job. Some people, when they are scared, get angry. That’s not uncommon. The stress of all the medical procedures they went through (not to mention the cost) should also not be forgotten. (I would not have done that, but they did, so that’s water under the bridge.)

Having said that, I think someone in his position needs to find support from other parents of multiples. It makes a world of difference. Twins are hard enough if you’re thrilled to have them. If you resent them, you are in for a really awful time, all of you.

 

[SamH]

Our modern society has made it illegal for some to own a puppy and you have to have a license to go fishing - but Albert Garland is allowed to have children?

 

[SamH]

I wanted twins, we had twins, I’m so thankful we had twins, but twins are really difficult. Most experts on twins suggest that there always be two adults present to take care of them for the first three months.

My mother and father had two sets of twins two years apart, they were the 5th, 6th, 7th, and 8th children in our family.

 

[Memaw]

This mindset is heartbreaking, but not surprising given that in our nation, children are viewed as a “right” instead of a gift. When you separate the gift of the child from the Giver of Life, the child essentially is viewed as a commodity instead of a person made in the image and likeness of God.

In regards to this story, I am hearing an increasing amount of stories similar to this one. I recently heard a story about a couple who underwent IVF and the wife got pregnant with twins. He is heartbroken because his wife intends to terminate the life of one of them.
It’s so selfish and sad…

And so we continue to play “god”. Would you believe this whole horrible situation traces back to 1931 when the Anglican church voted to allow “birth control” to be used for married couples. That opened Pandora’s Box and look what its done to marriage, children and society as a whole. God have mercy on the whole human race. We are at times much worse than animals. God Bless, Memaw

 

[EasterJoy]

My mother and father had two sets of twins two years apart, they were the 5th, 6th, 7th, and 8th children in our family.

I had a relative who had her two sets of twins as nos. 6,7,8,9, with #10 close behind. When I had our twins, she told me sometimes you just go into the bathroom, lock the door, and cry, it’s OK, it won’t last forever, you’ll do OK. Oh, and she said just pray they don’t have colic at the same time. She thought that was the thing that nearly sent her over the deep end. She described getting into the car and looking at the kids in the back seat and realizing that one had both left shoes and the other had both right shoes. You do have to have a sense of humor!! I have also contended that if twins don’t help you get organized, nothing will.

You can’t compare the work of twins to the work of one baby. You have to compare it to two babies born separately. If you look at it that way, I think you pay your way upfront, but then it’s easier when they’re in school and you can take them to the same school, same sports practice, and all of that. Our twins don’t have the dramas about their friends that other kids seem to have, but maybe that’s just their temperament. Still, it might be that they know they never have to fear being left to play alone. Their only concern is carving out “alone time”

I have friends with twins who got annoyed when someone would say, “Oh, I have two kids 11 months apart, that’s almost like twins”, because my friends with the twins thought it wasn’t nearly as hard. I think it would actually be harder, because the two kids have different needs in terms of what particular stage they’re going through. Still, you do what you have to do, you never do it perfectly, and somehow everyone survives.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

I have friends with twins who got annoyed when someone would say, “Oh, I have two kids 11 months apart, that’s almost like twins”, because my friends with the twins thought it wasn’t nearly as hard. I think it would actually be harder, because the two kids have different needs in terms of what particular stage they’re going through. Still, you do what you have to do, you never do it perfectly, and somehow everyone survives.

I get your friend, and I haven’t had twins! When people say it must be hard to have had however many kids we had at the moment, I have always said each kid has come one at a time, and it isn’t that hard that way. When I have been taking care of a newborn I have always wondered how parents of multiples do it! Before having my first I thought it would be super cool to have twins (and I still think it would be), but after having my first I had a whole new respect for mothers of twins, and a whole new perspective on the matter. Honestly, at first I was trying to figure out how people have more than one child in general, much less more than one child at once!

 

[Kit15]

I wanted twins, we had twins, I’m so thankful we had twins, but twins are really difficult. Most experts on twins suggest that there always be two adults present to take care of them for the first three months. We did (my MIL lived with us) and I was still exhausted…beyond exhausted. I joked that I’d get more sleep if the Moonies would kidnap me for a brainwashing. The divorce rate spikes for couples with young twins. So let’s not minimize the difficulty he’s looking at, because when twins are two or three years old and under, they are a very big job. Some people, when they are scared, get angry. That’s not uncommon. The stress of all the medical procedures they went through (not to mention the cost) should also not be forgotten. (I would not have done that, but they did, so that’s water under the bridge.)

Having said that, I think someone in his position needs to find support from other parents of multiples. It makes a world of difference. Twins are hard enough if you’re thrilled to have them. If you resent them, you are in for a really awful time, all of you.

I don’t have twins. My husband’s coworker and I had our first births at around the same time. I had my one. She had twins. And as I was raising my one newborn and thinking about how hard it was, I’d always think of that coworker having to do double my work and most likely MORE. My baby was an “easy” one.

My heart aches for the couple in the article. They are clearly feeling overwhelmed and terrified and are in need of prayers and support. I know things sure don’t feel like a blessing now but someday it will. I pray that they look back on today and believe that the struggle was worth it.

 

[tapiocapudding]

This kind of awful thought process is not uncommon.

"The Two-Minus-One Pregnancy

As Jenny lay on the obstetrician’s examination table, she was grateful that the ultrasound tech had turned off the overhead screen. She didn’t want to see the two shadows floating inside her. Since making her decision, she had tried hard not to think about them, though she could often think of little else. She was 45 and pregnant after six years of fertility bills, ovulation injections, donor eggs and disappointment — and yet here she was, 14 weeks into her pregnancy, choosing to extinguish one of two healthy fetuses, almost as if having half an abortion. As the doctor inserted the needle into Jenny’s abdomen, aiming at one of the fetuses, Jenny tried not to flinch, caught between intense relief and intense guilt. "…

Entire article at link: nytimes.com/2011/08/14/magazine/the-two-minus-one-pregnancy.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

As half of a set of twins I find ‘pregnancy reductions’ particularly horrifying. you are killing your child’s best friend, straight up, right next to them!
fwiw, I would love twins. My parents have always said that the first two years were exhausting, miserable and ‘survival mode’ but after that we were much easier than singletons because we played so nicely together, kept eachother entertained and were always into the same interests at the same time.
my sister is without a doubt my best friend in the world. In each of my pregnancies I felt a little sad for my singleton children, knowing that they wouldn’t experience the bond I have with my sister. I think everyone ought to have a twin.
It kills me to hear of parents throwing all this away, or acting like 2 years of digging in their heels will be the end of the world. It will suck for the short term, but think of the payoff! I think a lot of people make that error actually when it comes to kids. As a baby my 5 year old was a lot of work. As a 5 year old he is almost no work, and tons more fun. Parents to be seem to forget that kids get older and in the scheme of things 5 years is not a long time!

 

[Evania]

As half of a set of twins I find ‘pregnancy reductions’ particularly horrifying. you are killing your child’s best friend, straight up, right next to them!
fwiw, I would love twins. My parents have always said that the first two years were exhausting, miserable and ‘survival mode’ but after that we were much easier than singletons because we played so nicely together, kept eachother entertained and were always into the same interests at the same time.
my sister is without a doubt my best friend in the world. In each of my pregnancies I felt a little sad for my singleton children, knowing that they wouldn’t experience the bond I have with my sister. I think everyone ought to have a twin.
It kills me to hear of parents throwing all this away, or acting like 2 years of digging in their heels will be the end of the world. It will suck for the short term, but think of the payoff! I think a lot of people make that error actually when it comes to kids. As a baby my 5 year old was a lot of work. As a 5 year old he is almost no work, and tons more fun. Parents to be seem to forget that kids get older and in the scheme of things 5 years is not a long time!

As a child, I’ve always wanted to be a twin. As an adult, I’ve always wanted to have twins.
Abortion is horrifying, but there’s something extra twisted about choosing to keep one child, and killing their sibling alongside them. Evil knows no bounds.
How does one face the existing child and explain? After all, it could just have easily have been them that was destroyed in utero. How can someone pick and choose?

 

[EasterJoy]

As half of a set of twins I find ‘pregnancy reductions’ particularly horrifying. you are killing your child’s best friend, straight up, right next to them!
fwiw, I would love twins. My parents have always said that the first two years were exhausting, miserable and ‘survival mode’ but after that we were much easier than singletons because we played so nicely together, kept eachother entertained and were always into the same interests at the same time.
my sister is without a doubt my best friend in the world. In each of my pregnancies I felt a little sad for my singleton children, knowing that they wouldn’t experience the bond I have with my sister. I think everyone ought to have a twin.
It kills me to hear of parents throwing all this away, or acting like 2 years of digging in their heels will be the end of the world. It will suck for the short term, but think of the payoff! I think a lot of people make that error actually when it comes to kids. As a baby my 5 year old was a lot of work. As a 5 year old he is almost no work, and tons more fun. Parents to be seem to forget that kids get older and in the scheme of things 5 years is not a long time!

It is apparently not uncommon for young twins, when taken to see a new baby, to wonder out loud:* Where is the other one?* Siblings of twins, OTOH, on being told that Mom is pregnant again, have been known to ask: *That’s fine, but maybe could you have just one, this time?*I tell you one thing, though, the time when you appreciate your siblings the most is when you have elderly parents to care for. I know so many singletons married to non-singletons who wish they had the same kind of support their spouse had when it came to making decisions for and supporting their parents in their old age. Not in terms of money–these people’s parents had enough money–but in terms of providing each other with emotional scaffolding through experiences that can’t be shared as you can share with a sibling.

Still, twins are daunting. I don’t blame them for that. I hope they’ll love bravely, and do for love’s sake what their natural inclination resists. If they do that, life can teach them what you’re saying.