My Wife is Struggling . .

[SerfOfJMJ]

So, my wife was raised LDS/Mormon. I was raised Pentecostal but converted Mormon before meeting my wife. We’ve been through the Temple and after five years, I’ve decided that as much as I love my wife, I don’t love the LDS Church.

So I’ve submitted my name resignation and my wife is shattered. Her whole dream of being married to a worthy LDS husband and going to the Temple often with her husband is being shattered.

I cannot deny that the Catholic Church is true to make her happy and be miserable in the LDS Church. However, the rest of our marriage is great. There is really just this one hangup that prevents our marriage from moving forward.

I’m praying the Rosary for unity in my family. I know that many Catholics, or other Christians, don’t see LDS as Christian but I applaud them in their effort to be Christlike, although their Christ is quite different and they do not hold to the Trinitarian concept of God.

So we don’t feel that marital counseling is needed, but I was wondering if any of you who may be in an interfaith marriage may have some suggestions/advice? My wife and I have been married four years, going onto five.

 

[kozlosap]

I’m praying your wife understands that you must follow the Holy Spirit. My daughter’s lifelong friend was from a very traditional Mormon family. One of their seven daughter’s (yes, 7 girls and 0 boys) came out of the closet three years ago. The father of these beautiful young women was the current bishop in their ward. He and the entire family was ostracized by their congregation, so the family moved to an entirely new neighborhood about twenty miles away. The mother was adamant that this loving young woman be banned from their family and that the LDS Church be notified. The father could not abandon his child, even though she is an adult and explained that to his wife. When she refused to allow their gay Daughter into their house last Thanksgiving, he packed up his clothes and left. The seventh child, after a month or so decided to live with her Dad. He submitted his letter off resignation to Salt Lake City and began attending the local Catholic Parish. The dad will be baptized and confirmed on the next Easter Vigil as will his seventeen year old daughter. His ex-wife claims he is possessed by demons. His four adult daughter’s living in the same area all support his decision, the two adults living in Utah side with their mother and shun him and their gay Sister. I know that your wife must be afraid that she will be shunned too. You are very brave and I hope everything works out!

 

[SerfOfJMJ]

I’m praying your wife understands that you must follow the Holy Spirit. My daughter’s lifelong friend was from a very traditional Mormon family. One of their seven daughter’s (yes, 7 girls and 0 boys) came out of the closet three years ago. The father of these beautiful young women was the current bishop in their ward. He and the entire family was ostracized by their congregation, so the family moved to an entirely new neighborhood about twenty miles away. The mother was adamant that this loving young woman be banned from their family and that the LDS Church be notified. The father could not abandon his child, even though she is an adult and explained that to his wife. When she refused to allow their gay Daughter into their house last Thanksgiving, he packed up his clothes and left. The seventh child, after a month or so decided to live with her Dad. He submitted his letter off resignation to Salt Lake City and began attending the local Catholic Parish. The dad will be baptized and confirmed on the next Easter Vigil as will his seventeen year old daughter. His ex-wife claims he is possessed by demons. His four adult daughter’s living in the same area all support his decision, the two adults living in Utah side with their mother and shun him and their gay Sister. I know that your wife must be afraid that she will be shunned too. You are very brave and I hope everything works out!

Well, her mother knows I’m converting and in all honesty, Mormons in general do not shun. Many LDS I know are disagreeing and disapproving of my personal decision, but I know the truth and I cannot deny it.

 

[iepuras]

As a former born in the covenant LDS woman, let me give you some insight into how bad this is to your wife. By resigning, you are essentially telling her that you do not want to be married to her for eternity. It is a real betrayal to her. Also, with the Mormon beliefs related to marriage and the celestial kingdom, she also probably thinks that now she will just be assigned as some man’s plural wife in the CK instead of be your wife. Not something to look forward to.

I know that is not how you actually feel, but that is what she sees and feels. It sounds like she is taking this very personally. My family of origin felt the same way when I resigned. They interpreted my resignation as not wanting to be part of the family anymore. This is much more than a “hang up”. You should not be surprised if she feels some regret in marrying you. The reality is that she may not have even dated you if you were not able to “take her to the temple”. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but I know what she was constantly taught in the Young Women’s program. I used to think that way and I know many nice, single LDS women who still think that way, which is why they remain single.

Honestly, I highly recommend counseling. You do not want her to get “counseling” from the bishop. It is not unheard of for Mormon bishops to suggest that women should divorce their apostate husbands even if everything else in the marriage is fine. Many, many marriages are broken because of a spouse leaving the LDS church.

I completely understand wanting to resign. We wanted to be left alone from official church visits. We ended up with the elders quorum president and stake president on our doorstep unannounced so we resigned. Has your resignation been processed yet? I completely get why you want to resign, but it may be a helpful olive branch to your wife and help her to not feel quite so devastated if you were to rescind your resignation request. Don’t resign until she is ok with it. Also, when you are confirmed Catholic, it could provoke the LDS church to excommunicate you. If the stake president is particularly nasty about it, it may help your wife to start questioning Mormonism herself. Let them be the bad guys.

The big question you need to ask your wife is whether she loves you more than the LDS church. The answer to that question will determine whether or not you can make your marriage work. Unfortunately a lot of men (and women) discovered that their spouses love the LDS church more than them when they stopped believing.

Do you have children yet? I highly recommend getting your marriage in a good place before you start to have children (or have more). That will be another complication in your marriage that you need to resolve.

You are lucky to have not experienced shunning. All of our LDS “friends” have disappeared, and I am anathema in my own family. We also have friends who are also ex-Mormons who have been either shunned or harassed or both.

It may be a good idea to remind your wife of the 11th Article of Faith that “we claim the privilege of worshiping almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience”. Sometimes Mormons forget that when a family member leaves the LDS church. It is important that you respect her faith as you ask her to respect yours.

 

[BettyBoop416]

So, my wife was raised Catholic. I was raised Pentecostal but converted to Catholicism before meeting my wife. We’ve been faithful attending Mass, but after five years, I’ve decided that as much as I love my wife, I don’t love the Catholic Church.

So I’ve submitted my name resignation and my wife is shattered. Her whole dream of being married to a worthy Catholic husband and going to Mass often with her husband is being shattered.

The big question you need to ask your wife is whether she loves you more than the Catholic church. The answer to that question will determine whether or not you can make your marriage work. Unfortunately a lot of men (and women) discovered that their spouses love the Catholic church more than them when they stopped believing

There you go. I put the shoe on the other foot. Now…how would YOU feel?

 

[SerfOfJMJ]

I completely understand wanting to resign. We wanted to be left alone from official church visits. We ended up with the elders quorum president and stake president on our doorstep unannounced so we resigned. Has your resignation been processed yet? I completely get why you want to resign, but it may be a helpful olive branch to your wife and help her to not feel quite so devastated if you were to rescind your resignation request. Don’t resign until she is ok with it. Also, when you are confirmed Catholic, it could provoke the LDS church to excommunicate you. If the stake president is particularly nasty about it, it may help your wife to start questioning Mormonism herself. Let them be the bad guys.

The big question you need to ask your wife is whether she loves you more than the LDS church. The answer to that question will determine whether or not you can make your marriage work. Unfortunately a lot of men (and women) discovered that their spouses love the LDS church more than them when they stopped believing.

Do you have children yet? I highly recommend getting your marriage in a good place before you start to have children (or have more). That will be another complication in your marriage that you need to resolve.

It may be a good idea to remind your wife of the 11th Article of Faith that “we claim the privilege of worshiping almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience”. Sometimes Mormons forget that when a family member leaves the LDS church. It is important that you respect her faith as you ask her to respect yours.

Snipped a few things.

One, she wanted me to resign prior to my Confirmation.

Two, we can’t have children. We’ve tried.

Three, I have encouraged her and assured her of my love.

 

[dedo]

My wife is Protestant and I am Catholic.

What I have found over the years is that our marriage thrives when we do some religious practice together.

So, I try to attend something at her church weekly, whether that is a service or Bible study. Of course, I can only take communion at a Catholic church that I also go to weekly.

She also goes to Catholic church periodically, and especially when we travel since we love cities, and there are usually beautiful Catholic cathedrals around the world.

That is how it works for us.

We each respect the others’ religion without violating the principals of our own religion.

Good luck.