Naive wife who forgave and got hurt again

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BrokenSoul5

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Sorrow, emotional sadness, heart and soul broken…

Stupidly naive wife thinking that her cheating husband will change. My instinct has never failed me. You know when you have that feeling that something isn’t right.
Don’t judge me please. I have repeatedly let my husband (who I split with years ago) to come to me in hope he will change. By giving him myself, I hoped his way of life will change and he will change.
Tonight I found out that he is unfaithful and he still ping pong between me and his other woman with whom he has 2children already. We both were pregnant at same time!
I stupidly believed that he will change and by forgiving him I thought God wants me to be forgiving to him and giving him chance again.

My life feel empty, with no reason to life. I’m moody and horrible to my kids. That’s worries me most. I don’t know what to do next. I really don’t know.

I’m trapped in another country, with my family far away from me. I feel ashamed mentioning to my friends that I let him to come to me whenetver he pleases. I need your prayers and advice.

What have I done to my life! How could someone disrespect me so much and break my trust, my love and my forgiveness!

Please pray for me
 
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BrokenSoul5 said:
Stupidly naive wife thinking that her cheating husband will change. My instinct has never failed me. You know when you have that feeling that something isn’t right.
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Oh, yes I do know that feeling. Always trust your instinct.

I feel your pain, even though I don’t know the pain of a cheating husband having children with another woman or being trapped in another country.

I am praying for you. 🙏

I am also very concerned about your current mental state.
Death is not an answer. You have many good reasons to live, especially since you have children.
You are a good person. You are a mom. You’ve got to stay strong.
(When I went through it, I felt like dying too, but I made it through. With Christ all things are possible.)

Your husband chose deception and adultery.
It speaks to your goodness and faith in God that you forgave your husband.
You are not to blame for this.

While we are called to forgive, Jesus does not expect us to stay around and suffer abuse. Your husband is violating the sacrament of marriage, which is grave sin.

I think that you should see a lawyer who handles international custody and family law issues, given the circumstances.
Does your country of origin have an embassy in the nation where you are currently living?
They might be able give you pertinent information on how to protect yourself and children legally from your husband’s destructive adultery.
BrokenSoul5 said:
My life feel empty, with no reason to life. I’m moody and horrible to my kids. That’s worries me most. I don’t know what to do next.
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I’ve been through husband’s adultery, separation and divorce so I am sharing wisdom with you.

Your life is about you and your children now. Protecting them is a top priority.
How do you take care of them and protect them in the best manner? By taking care of you first.

This means:
  1. Protect your energy. Build and conserve your strength for the moment when you need to fight like David slaying Goliath. There will come a time when this moment happens. Spend time alone with the Blessed Sacrament, if possible.
  2. Knowledge is power. Seek wise counsel. Garner the support of those who truly have your best interest at heart. People love to gossip and judge, so be careful when sharing your story. Some friends and family are not supportive, only share information with those who do care.
Take the time to research the laws pertaining to your circumstances. Also research online any attorneys and other professionals you might consider retaining to help you. Read about your rights and responsibilities under these circumstances in the country you live in.

Know your options so you can best protect your family.
  1. There are worse things than being alone. I know you hoped for the best outcome with your marriage. I did with mine too. But our husbands chose otherwise. Now we have to face our futures and be responsible for ourselves and children while coping with our hurts.
    Hold onto your blessings and focus your energies on what you want for you and your children now. Let the distractions go.
Prayers,
MJ
 
((((hugs)))) BrokenSoul5

Other ways to stay sane through this painful journey:

Eat healthy, nutritious meals and snacks. (I could barely eat and forced my self to consume small, balanced snacks throughout the day. Other times, I just drank a nutrition supplement.)

Drink plenty of clean, pure water.

Get rest. (I wasn’t able to sleep well for many months after I found out. But I would lie down and rest my body. When my mind wandered into fear or the adultery, I would re-direct my thoughts to my happy place on the beach. I also prayed a lot. Prayers of thanks giving for my children and other blessings.)

Fresh air is very important. If you can, take the children to the park or other public venues. (My children and I would go on nature walks, go to the park, the library, attend free family-friendly events, and attend Mass together. We also volunteered at church.)

Most of all, know that you are loved and cherished! ❤️

I don’t even know you in person, but I have a sincere love and empathy 🌹 for you because we both suffered immense challenges and pain because of our husbands’ choices.

This is so hard to go through, especially as women of faith. Yes, God wanted us to forgive our husbands, but He doesn’t want to be disrespected and He doesn’t want us abused. Leave the sorrow and pain with God. Give it over to God and focus on taking the best care possible of yourself and children.

Peace,
MamaJewel
 
Hugs. No reason to judge you. Are you at least able to communicate with your family by phone (make sure to get an international SIM card), by Skype, by instant messenger, by Facebook, or by email.

A forgiving heart is a good one. God gave us all a freewill - one that we can unfortunately choose to abuse.

Don’t be ashamed. You did nothing wrong. I don’t know the culture you live in, but God carries you when you feel like you have no one to turn to and feel lost and alone. I try to always pray for those whom have no one to pray for them.

Someone can disrespect you because Satan tests you. Sometimes an individual chooses to walk away from God and walk away from the life they know and/or exploit someone for their own devices. Thus, I don’t even know if you’re in a valid marriage and would hope that if you are in a foreign land that it’s in a land where you truly have some great friendships. I’m hoping that in your land there is a respect towards women and your case for nullity would be reviewed fairly and without bias. Again hugs.

Treat yourself well. If you can, get yourself some help. Communicate with friends and family. Be open with them. Be selective with whom you’re open to and take ownership if they misuse that information. But most of all, you have lots of reasons for living, be it your friends, family, and maybe the guy you deserve to be with.
 
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These words are like healing to my soul. I woke up and reading this first thing in the morning has helped me to carry on. I need hel. I pray to God to send me people who could help me. I’m not capable to do rational decisions on my own right now. But I can see God is good. Pray and your prayers will be answered! There is so much I feel saying and need help with. For now…I need support from people who can navigate in a right way. Thank you with sincere heart (broken heart)
 
You helped me find the strength to wake up this morning and have a smile on my face. Please pray for me. I’m absolutely sure God navigated me to find this catholic forum (who I found by chance only yesterday) ! I need help and your prayers. Sincere thank you 🙏
 
A sincere “you’re welcome” to you.

It is not easy, I know, but focus on the good in your life. Live in the joy of the moment. Today.
You have children that love you. God loves you. Perfect strangers are praying for you. Color a picture, write a poem, breathe in the fresh air, feel the warm sun on your face, listen to the song of the birds, do something that you love to do.

I know it can be hard because our home and babies remind us of our marriage and husband and vows. If you can, move some furniture around and change some routines in the home, that can be helpful…

For several weeks after my husband left, I would cook supper at the same time as I had when he was in the home. It was as if he had just gone on an extended business trip.

Then one day it suddenly struck me that I could now cook supper and my family could eat at an hour that was more convenient for me and the children., so I started making the meals on a schedule that worked better for us. It actually freed up my late evenings to enjoy my children, read together as a family, play a game or watch a video, do prayers, get the wee ones in bed, and take time for myself.

In many ways, it gave “me” back to me. I was no longer worried about what my husband was doing, if he was out with someone else, and what I needed to do for him to maintain his lifestyle and happiness in the marriage.

I was no longer in a competition for his affection and it allowed me to re-learn to love myself as a true child of God.

However, I still had very sad, emotional moments, but I learned to give myself permission to cry for a limited period of time each day (often when I was in the shower so my kids couldn’t see me cry).

I trained myself to let the grief flow through me in a constructive way. I would burn blessed candles as a prayer of faith that God would carry me through and as a symbol of burning up the pain and misery and sin of the situation. (I was terrified because people said my husband would go to hell for his actions.)

Like me, you will have moments when you are very down, but let the love of God lift you back up. if you have to step back and cry or scream into a pillow in private for a moment that is healthy.
You’re dealing with the literal death of your hopes and dreams for you, your family, and marriage, so grieve. That is ok. But do your best not to let it steal your joy. You only have one life, so keep the joy and peace that Christ gives in your heart and let God have the misery and sadness.
 
While praying and grieving, listen for the new path God wants you on.
You’ll feel and hear it. Once you do, start taking steps each day toward that goal.
 
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You haven’t failed! You tried to turn the other cheek and offered him a second chance. That’s more than what many people would have done, and you certainly had no obligation to do so. The fact that he did the same thing again says more about his character than about yours.

You didn’t make him cheat. You didn’t put a gun to his head and make him be with another woman. This falls under the category of his own free will and his choice.

I agree with PPs - right now, the most important thing is to keep it together for your children. They need you. I am not saying that their father is a terrible father. He may be a poor husband, but he may also bee a good father. Even so, children need both their parents, especially at such a time.

I agree that you need to see a good attorney. You may be able to find one that offers a free initial consult - some do, although whether that is available in your area, I don’t know.

Meanwhile, I’d suggest not continuing in a marital relationship with your husband. This isn’t about being vindictive, it’s about your health and safety. If he has been cheating on you, he may have contracted an STI, which he could then spread to you. You have the right to protect your own health, and you’re under no obligation to continue in a relationship where he is committing adultery.

Depending on the circumstances surrounding your wedding, you may or may not be able to obtain a declaration of nullity. Even if you believe that your marriage is valid, the Church would never require that you remain with a man who is unfaithful. In such a case, you would be within your rights to live separately, as long as you understand that you cannot remarry unless and until your marriage is determined to be invalid, or your husband passes away (and not by your hand).
 
Thanks Retsel. It might take some time. I’m not capable to do anything yet. I think the time of grieve is the time I need right now. And then slowly move on. Please pray for me so I can find the strength needed. Thank you 🙏
 
I don’t think you’re stupid.
You did the best you could with the situation you were handed.
A lot of women would have shown him the door and they weren’t wrong and stupid.
A lot of women take their straying husbands back and they’re not wrong and stupid either.

But you will need to decide what to do going forward.

:pray:t2::pray:t2::pray:t2: For you
 
Perfect strangers are praying for me. How comforting and at the same time unbelievably surprised that seem. The power of prayer. The prayer being said by someone who might be 1000 miles away, who I’ve never met. I thank God for faith. I thank my parents for giving me faith. I struggle with one of my child to attend mass and she openly said she doesn’t believe God anymore. I tried to explain her that my faith is what held me up in hard times. Without it I wouldn’t be here.

So I thank you all for holding me on your prayers. You-total strangers from who I received advice which understand my catholic values. 🙏
 
for healing of the heart
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Let's Pray a Perpetual Rosary Spirituality
for the intentions of @brokensoul5 Naive wife who forgave and got hurt again HAIL MARY, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen 10th Hail Mary ~ Sorrowful (3)
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@BrokenSoul5

I’m so very sorry that you and your children are experiencing so much pain and disappointment and heartbreak. I’ve entered your names into my personal prayer journal and will pray for you every day. You’ve been given excellent advice by those who have already posted.

Stick with us here and let us be your sounding board. Seek the advice of a priest often, and safeguard your assets by finding a good lawyer. MamaJewel’s advice is obviously from her heart. Save yourself a lot of grief by listening to her, especially in regards to getting outside each day and doing something with your children to help all of you consciously make good memories. MamaJewel’s posts are excellent.

Sometimes, when I read a thread where all the posters seem to be pulling together, my heart feels like it will burst open from all the love that is so evident from each one who posts. This is one of those threads.

@MamaJewel, @whichwaytogo47, @Retsel, @His_helpmeet, @0Scarlett_nidiyilii, and @upant:
All of you who have posted here have given such good points and have expressed such heartfelt sentiments that I’m blinking back tears. It is a privilege to read your responses. May others be as generous to you as you have been with BrokenSoul5.
 
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