Name calling at home?

[Monica4316]

Hi
I’m wondering if anyone has any advice… how do you deal with it when someone in your family calls you names or says things to you that really hurt, but then afterwards act like nothing happened? I’m trying to just ignore it and not get impatient with the person, but sometimes I do I know this person loves me and it’s more of a habit or a way of dealing with frustration, and I’m not angry at them but sometimes it really hurts.
what would you do? and how do you stay patient?

 

[kage_ar]

What is the relationship?

The advice for a spouse who does this is different from the advice for a little brother who does/

 

[Nec5]

If it really bothers you, tell the person that the “name” is painful. Unless that person has a major issue with you regarding that word, he/she will curb its use and hopefully end it.

 

[Trishie]

Monica, have you quietly and respectfully told this person that this verbal abuse is hurtful?

If the person continues to be disrespectful to you as a person, the problem is really theirs, not yours, so please pray for the person, whether parent or sibling.

If you help to bring it on yourself, though even then, the other person has no right to verbal abuse. Whatever the relationship, charitable mutual respect is important and required by the Lord who told us to love others as we love ourselves (and He made no exceptions, regardless of relationship, and he even said, “love your enemies”), but if your behavior helps to trigger the other person’s verbal abuse, in charity, try to avoid distressing them or annoying them if you can do so authentically and generously.

Perhaps you could consider being extra kind to the person sometimes, which may not help if the other person’s behavior is due to their own personal issues. Relationship has two sides, and our own attitude and behavior can help to create atmospheres, so we need to do what we can to avoid triggering the problem, but sometimes the other person has some underlying unhappiness and resentment that just uses any opportunity to lash out.

Monica, I hope that things improve soon, and I do hope you are able to be cheerful, caring and positive, as we do choose our own responses to the others around us and if we seem negative, too serious, too sad we’re inclined to hook less positive responses in others. I know you struggle at times, but I wish you happiness and peace, and ask God to help you. :grouphug:

Father help us to recover where injury goes beyond ordinary forgiveness and our hearts are in some way crushed, and our lives changed and devalued. Help us to find a way to forgive when we cannot smile or encounter the offending person with warmth because they have destroyed something in us.

Father please help us to forgive when we cannot forgive…and we cannot forgive because they do not understand how badly they have hurt us, and do not seek in any real way to acknowledge or try to heal the hurt they imposed on us. And even when we tried to tell them from the bottom of our heart but they would not listen, please help us to forgive.

Father help us to forgive when those who hurt our lives do not even remember how badly they have wounded us, and go on with their lives without concern, while we remain still held in some kind of time capsule with the consequences of their unfeeling and uncaring and attack.

Father, help us to forgive when those who wounded us by ignoring our needs and requests, yet who desire us to ignore their offence, and expect us to respond to their hints or manipulations while they make no concessions or apologies.

Help us to forgive those who impose their own conditions and rules upon us, without respecting that our hurt is real and radical, while they make us feel that they only desire our capitulation without justice, apology, or generosity from them.

Father please free us, free me, in forgiveness that comes from Your Son, innocent, and murdered, but forgiving.

 

[flyingfish]

Hi
I’m wondering if anyone has any advice… how do you deal with it when someone in your family calls you names or says things to you that really hurt, but then afterwards act like nothing happened? I’m trying to just ignore it and not get impatient with the person, but sometimes I do I know this person loves me and it’s more of a habit or a way of dealing with frustration, and I’m not angry at them but sometimes it really hurts.
what would you do? and how do you stay patient?

I grew up with a father who behaved this way. The only way I found that worked to stop it was to create very severe consequences for that kind of behavior. I am guessing this person does not treat his boss or coworkers that way? It’s all about consequences, if they can get away with it they will continue treating you that way. Make it so that they can’t get away with it.

Stop talking to them completely for a while, stop doing things for them. Let them know that it’s not okay to treat you like garbage.

I am assuming of course you’re dealing with an adult, if it’s a young child who is doing this, then you should go about it differently.

 

[Rascalking]

I think it’s a bad habit, and if you tell him that it really hurts you, he should stop (I’m using the masculine “he” out of habit).

However, if it is in public, it’s completely different. I think the public embarrassment of a spouse is the cardinal sin in marriage.

It is sort of mean though.

 

[Art321]

Monica, have you quietly and respectfully told this person that this verbal abuse is hurtful?

If the person continues to be disrespectful to you as a person, the problem is really theirs, not yours, so please pray for the person, whether parent or sibling.

If you help to bring it on yourself, though even then, the other person has no right to verbal abuse. Whatever the relationship, charitable mutual respect is important and required by the Lord who told us to love others as we love ourselves (and He made no exceptions, regardless of relationship, and he even said, “love your enemies”), but if your behavior helps to trigger the other person’s verbal abuse, in charity, try to avoid distressing them or annoying them if you can do so authentically and generously.

Perhaps you could consider being extra kind to the person sometimes, which may not help if the other person’s behavior is due to their own personal issues. Relationship has two sides, and our own attitude and behavior can help to create atmospheres, so we need to do what we can to avoid triggering the problem, but sometimes the other person has some underlying unhappiness and resentment that just uses any opportunity to lash out.

Monica, I hope that things improve soon, and I do hope you are able to be cheerful, caring and positive, as we do choose our own responses to the others around us and if we seem negative, too serious, too sad we’re inclined to hook less positive responses in others. I know you struggle at times, but I wish you happiness and peace, and ask God to help you. :grouphug:

Father help us to recover where injury goes beyond ordinary forgiveness and our hearts are in some way crushed, and our lives changed and devalued. Help us to find a way to forgive when we cannot smile or encounter the offending person with warmth because they have destroyed something in us.

Father please help us to forgive when we cannot forgive…and we cannot forgive because they do not understand how badly they have hurt us, and do not seek in any real way to acknowledge or try to heal the hurt they imposed on us. And even when we tried to tell them from the bottom of our heart but they would not listen, please help us to forgive.

Father help us to forgive when those who hurt our lives do not even remember how badly they have wounded us, and go on with their lives without concern, while we remain still held in some kind of time capsule with the consequences of their unfeeling and uncaring and attack.

Father, help us to forgive when those who wounded us by ignoring our needs and requests, yet who desire us to ignore their offence, and expect us to respond to their hints or manipulations while they make no concessions or apologies.

Help us to forgive those who impose their own conditions and rules upon us, without respecting that our hurt is real and radical, while they make us feel that they only desire our capitulation without justice, apology, or generosity from them.

Father please free us, free me, in forgiveness that comes from Your Son, innocent, and murdered, but forgiving.

Great post!

 

[former_Catholic]

Hi
I’m wondering if anyone has any advice… how do you deal with it when someone in your family calls you names or says things to you that really hurt, but then afterwards act like nothing happened?

You’re clearly dealing with an overbearing verbally abusive controlling tyrant intent on world domination. There really is only one way to deal with an overbearing verbally abusive controlling tyrant intent on world domination:
At the first sign of their namecalling and lunatic ravings you leap to your feet, snap your heels sharply together, give the person the Nazi salute, and say “seig heil mein fuhrer!”

Then sing along with Spike Jones:
“When the fuhrer says we is the master race, seig heil, seig heil, right in the fuhrer’s face…”
youtube.com/watch?v=dZlFBSRrSR0

 

[dulcissima]

Step one: Immediately respond to any name calling, letting them know it is not acceptable. Keep it simple, just like that, and be firm. See if they are willing to acknowledge that it is not acceptable. If not, then you will have to start thinking about imposing consequences.