Nap time blues

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Gianna_Too

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We have a 2 1/2 y.o. boy who refuses to take naps. He frequently turns his toddler bed upside down and makes a mess of his room when he should be sleeping. My husband and I have decided to spank him when he gets out of bed, but even this does not work. If he doesn’t take a nap during the day he is usually off the walls all evening long. Any advice out there?
 
does spanking a child really help?

Is there any kind of music he likes? Stephen was taught that a certain type of soothing music meant that it was time to get quiet, the room would get dark and it was time for some quiet time.

Is he your only child? Would you be in the position of lying quietly with him, reading quietly with him, until he settles down?

We did a complete ritual…there was turning down the light, the bed, saying a prayer for naptime, putting on the music, lying down and then…quiet…sometimes he slept, other times not really, but he actually had to be quiet for at least 20 minutes.
 
He might not need that afternoon nap anymore, even if you do! Move his bed time up. Instead of a nap, try quiet time–maybe even with you reading aloud to him. I don’t know that spanking is a good association to have with nap time—you can lead a child to their bed, but you can’t make them sleep 😃

Here are some helpful links
babycenter.com/refcap/toddler/toddlersleep/1290819.html
pantley.com/elizabeth/content/excerpts/naptimeproblems.htm
askdrsears.com/html/7/T071100.asp#T071117

Hope that helps!
 
Assuming his doctor agrees he still needs a nap and moving bedtime up isn’t feasible…

This may sound drastic, but you might need to do a little stripping or shelving in his room. Put his toys only in the playroom and keep a few things on shelves that he absolutely cannot get to without adult help. (Meaning no chairs or step stools in the bedroom.) The ideal situation would be ALL toys ONLY in the playroom. This isn’t punishment; you aren’t taking away his toys from him whatsoever, you’re simply moving them to a different location.

Remove the frame of the toddler bed from the room. Put his mattress on the floor. If the frame isn’t there, the worst that happens is he pulls the sheets off. If that happens, after naptime, he needs to “help” you make the bed. Do it hand over hand if necessary. Don’t fix it until naptime is over, however.

What happens before naptime? Is it lunchtime? Be sure that it isn’t something dietary setting him off or giving him sugary energy that is difficult to burn off.

Does he have a quiet time routine before naptime? A story to relax, a cd of quiet, soothing music?

If he gets out of bed, give him minimal interaction. (Meaning, no eye contact, no conversation.) Carry him bodily and immediately back to the bed. Repeat as necessary. This will happen again and again the first few times as he discerns that this is the expectation that will not be deviated from. If his sheets are messed up, make sure he is draped with his blanket but do not acknowledge that he’s turned the bed upside down or whatever. Don’t use words other then, “It’s naptime. You need to rest.”

You might think it’s not working during the first few days because he’ll get up again or again. However, if you stop the process and just give in and let him stay up, you’ll be teaching him that he only has to protest long enough and hard enough for you to eventually cave. Stick with it, plan on putting him back in bed numerous times for a few days, and at the end of two weeks (it will not take that long, btw), see if it works better. If not, it may really be a dietary or allergy issue that doesn’t let his system settle down.
 
I also forgot, you might offer a reward for staying in bed–a sticker, a nice outing, a special movie, time with Dad/Mom, a special treat…God bless
 
Thank you for all the advice. To answer some of your questions: He is the oldest of 3. We do have quiet time before he goes down for a nap and we read to him. Also, we have already stripped his room of practically everything. He has some books in there and his bed and blankets and that is it. As for the spanking, it was suggested by Dr. Dobson of “Focus on the Family”.
 
I had one who refused to nap at 18 months. He simply did not need the sleep. He is now 12 and still does not need as much sleep as the others. He frequently stays up reading until midnight and wakes up on his own at 6-7 am. He is very happy and cheerful, so the little sleep does not bother him. Perhaps your child is like this.

I would not spank a child for not sleeping. I would make him clean up his space. Perhaps nap time now means quiet reading time instead.
 
Just because a child does not want to nap, does not mean they are ready to leave naps behind. One sign that your son still needs his nap is the fact that you said he is “off the walls all evening long.”

Also, even if it comes the time that he doesn’t NEED a nap and you do, there is nothing wrong with insisting that he stay in his area and look at books or lie quietly with some soft toys during this time. Mommies need their “break” too, and I have found it is not being selfish, but loving. I am a better mother and wife when I make sure my needs are met as well.

Even now that my children have outgrown naps, I still take a break during the day. Just to put my feet up, read quietly, eat a snack. I make sure my kids are given what they need. I set the timer for a half hour or fifteen minutes if that’s all I can spare. They know not to disturb me, short of the house being on fire.😉 They are allowed to play quietly with books, or building toys. They are not allowed to watch TV, listen to music or anything that makes noise during that time.

If for one reason or another, I am not able to get this time, the differance is drastic. I am exhausted and peter out way too early to fulfill my duties adequately, and often I feel overwhelmed and am extremely irritable and cranky.

I always used a seperate area for naps, even if it was a sleeping bag on the floor of the bedroom (sometimes mine, if they couldn’t resist temptation in their own room.) Beds were for bedtime.

I ended up using the spanking method for one of my children. Worked like a charm.😃

God bless.
 
Just in case you were interested, I thought I would tell you the exact method I used for my son. I laid him down (after the kisses and stories) and showed him our “teaching tool”, a little wooden spoon. I reminded him that if he could not remember to stay put, that I would use the teaching tool to HELP him remember. I said this very gently, and was firm about the boundaries set. He was swatted on the thigh IMMEDIATELY after getting up the first time. There was no anger behind the swat, because I did not let it get to the point that I was frustrated. I waited outside the door so that the consequence would be swift. He only got up two or three times. I waited out the door for a week, then it was no longer necessary.

PS. One time he got up and was “swatted” before I realized he was coming to get a poopy diaper changed. Boy did I feel bad.:o So, check that first if you do decide to use this method.

PSS I also realize there are those reading who might disagree with this method. May all feel free to disregard this advice, if it in some way conflicts with your parenting style…🙂
 
Get a regular twin bed, put a rail on one side and the other against the wall so the bed will stay put.

We had a “reluctant sleeper”. I started out with a gate in the doorway. At first he got out by means of a sympathetic sibling. We instructed everyone to stay away. Then he got out again. Figured out how to climb out. Then we used 2 gates double high. He was really mad now! Found him buck naked, curled up asleep, cold on the floor. He taught himself that stripping did him no good. He just got cold. Never did that again. It took him awhile to find out that we weren’t going to budge. This was all not very easy on me. I hate dealing with fits but in the long run we were all better off. We had to keep a gate around for awhile and would have to either put it up or threaten to.

He probably still needs the sleep even if it’s 20-30 minutes. If he doesn’t he should learn to have “quiet time”.
 
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Princess_Abby:
Assuming his doctor agrees he still needs a nap and moving bedtime up isn’t feasible…

This may sound drastic, but you might need to do a little stripping or shelving in his room. Put his toys only in the playroom and keep a few things on shelves that he absolutely cannot get to without adult help. (Meaning no chairs or step stools in the bedroom.) The ideal situation would be ALL toys ONLY in the playroom. This isn’t punishment; you aren’t taking away his toys from him whatsoever, you’re simply moving them to a different location.

Remove the frame of the toddler bed from the room. Put his mattress on the floor. If the frame isn’t there, the worst that happens is he pulls the sheets off. If that happens, after naptime, he needs to “help” you make the bed. Do it hand over hand if necessary. Don’t fix it until naptime is over, however.

What happens before naptime? Is it lunchtime? Be sure that it isn’t something dietary setting him off or giving him sugary energy that is difficult to burn off.

Does he have a quiet time routine before naptime? A story to relax, a cd of quiet, soothing music?

If he gets out of bed, give him minimal interaction. (Meaning, no eye contact, no conversation.) Carry him bodily and immediately back to the bed. Repeat as necessary. This will happen again and again the first few times as he discerns that this is the expectation that will not be deviated from. If his sheets are messed up, make sure he is draped with his blanket but do not acknowledge that he’s turned the bed upside down or whatever. Don’t use words other then, “It’s naptime. You need to rest.”

You might think it’s not working during the first few days because he’ll get up again or again. However, if you stop the process and just give in and let him stay up, you’ll be teaching him that he only has to protest long enough and hard enough for you to eventually cave. Stick with it, plan on putting him back in bed numerous times for a few days, and at the end of two weeks (it will not take that long, btw), see if it works better. If not, it may really be a dietary or allergy issue that doesn’t let his system settle down.
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I think this is GREAT advice!!! Do you watch Dr. Phil???
 
Just thought of another little tip. Sometimes I would go to another part of the house and vacuum so I didn’t have to listen to the fit!
 
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momof3boys:
I think this is GREAT advice!!! Do you watch Dr. Phil???
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Okay, I just about fell out of my chair laughing. You are too cute!

Yes, I do, but I also have a degree or two in this area, lol!! and I used to work home programs where children with special needs/behavioral issues would often rip apart their entire bedroom in moments during an aggressive or self-injurious tantrum… 🙂

But you are quite observant 😉 Dr. Phil, all the nanny shows and regular old professionals who just simply went to college for this kinda stuff all learn/say the same thing because it works!
 
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momof3boys:
I think this is GREAT advice!!! Do you watch Dr. Phil???
Click to expand...
There was a guy on over in england michael somebody or other, kind of a hippy guy (long gray hair, pointy boots, etc) – and it’s weird b/c I can’t find anythign like it here, but he wa son all the time over there, and it was an american show – american families, took place here, etc. but I’ve never seen it or even found any articles on it here…only there in the UK…weird. Anyway, his were some of the best 30 min of advice I’ve ever seen…one of the things he said (this post reminded me) was "If he/she has 602 times getting up to challenge you, you’d better convince him/her that you will get up and return him/her 603 times. Period. He/she has to understand that getting ouit of bed 602 times will only get him/her led back to bed 603 times…
 
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Princess_Abby:
Okay, I just about fell out of my chair laughing. You are too cute!

Yes, I do, but I also have a degree or two in this area, lol!! and I used to work home programs where children with special needs/behavioral issues would often rip apart their entire bedroom in moments during an aggressive or self-injurious tantrum… 🙂

But you are quite observant 😉 Dr. Phil, all the nanny shows and regular old professionals who just simply went to college for this kinda stuff all learn/say the same thing because it works!
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I think Dr. Phil gives great advice. A lot of parents, at least some that I know, are not up to that kind of parenting.
Anyway, I’m glad I gave you a laugh for today. 😃
 
Hmmm… My daughter gave up naps at that age, actually at about 2. The only time she would doze off is in the car. I’m not at all against spanking but I can’t see using it in this case. I would just move up his bed time. Some kids give up naps earlier then others.
 
If your son is 2 1/2, and has two younger siblings, it sounds like you have about the same spacing as myself between three children. My son needs a lot of sleep, but doesn’t always want to nap either. I napped with him as an infant, and when his younger sister was born, but when the third came along it was difficult logistically to get a time to snuggle with him.

Something I did was try to get myself accustomed to the “5-minute mother’s nap.” I would doze as long as I could with the younger two children, getting them to sleep during their naptimes. After they were asleep, I would get my oldest laid down, and I laid down with him alone. This snuggling gave him the warmth and security he needed to fall asleep, which I knew he needed. He is like your son, though, and wouldn’t go to sleep if I lay him down by himself.

We didn’t spank for not sleeping, because if he was tired enough he would sleep. Besides it’s no fun to fall asleep with a spanking, for him or me. Laying down with him was much more effective and an improvement in general attitude happened as well.

God Bless your efforts.
 
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rayne89:
Hmmm… My daughter gave up naps at that age, actually at about 2. The only time she would doze off is in the car. I’m not at all against spanking but I can’t see using it in this case. I would just move up his bed time. Some kids give up naps earlier then others.
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Me too. #1 and #2 stopped napping right after they turned 2. Naptime turned into a huge struggle for us, and then I finally just gave it up and started putting her to bed at night a bit earlier. She goes to bed now at 7pm and sleeps till 7am, so according to most things I have read, I believe she is still getting enough sleep. She is a bear sometimes in the evenings, but as she older, it keeps getting better. She also goes to bed great at night now because she is sooo tired! I do try to have a quiet time for her in the afternoon when #3 is napping and I am trying to do school with #1. This is usually a Dora video, but alot of times, she ends up sitting with us and “doing school” instead.
 
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