Natural Family Planning for "Serious" Reasons

[zea_maize]

I agree. My aunt suffered fertility issues her whole life and it took her 10+ years to have my cousin, she’d probably slap someone who told her that only having one child was selfishly depriving her child of a sibling relationship. It’s not like everyone can pop out kids like baby making is a career or want too for that matter. It’s not like that’s what she wanted. Besides, big family does not = the correct way to to have kids, it is also not what everyone wants for there life and there marriage.

Right? I’m not sensitive about my own choice because it was CHOICE. I get very, very sensitive about the fact that there are people in my situation through no choice of their own and they still get the same judgements and comments. That is what I’m sensitive about. Someone once told me that you know you’re done having kids when your family feels complete. When it feels like there is no one missing. I very much feel that way. It’s peaceful and wonderful. To know that others DO NOT feel that way makes me very sad for them.

Very well said, pensmama.

I’m an only child. It took my parents years to get pregnant, and they would have loved to have more, but couldn’t. I always really wished I had a sibling. I was lonely growing up (my parents didn’t really take care to arrange play dates for me or other interactions with kids my age). Now my husband’s brother and his wife are sort of filling the role, but it’s still not the same. And so, I definitely made a point to have at least two kids (if possible, God willing). Not saying life as an only child is terrible. But there are definite benefits to having a sibling. Just speaking from my personal experiences.

And I totally respect your experience. I wonder if some of your longing for a sibling came from the knowledge of the desire for another child of your parents? I’m also an only by choice, so there never was that feeling of someone missing in my family. Could be totally off the mark, but may be an explanation for why it felt so different for you.

I think you’re quite right that there’s an enormous stigma against having an only child.

I’ve heard multiple stories of mothers who nearly killed themselves attempting to have a second child.

I think people don’t even really realize that the stigma exists unless they’ve experienced it. Just like those families that have children all the same gender or families that exceed 3 or 4 kids. It is becoming more common now than it was 30 years ago when I was growing up, but there are still some very firm misconceptions about what the only child experience is bringing. Just like any stereotype, though, there can be truths inside. I’ve certainly met some only children and thought “well that’s where the stereotype comes from”!

When we lived in DC and Big Girl was in preschool, we knew so many people who had a baby 2.75 years older than the older child. It was very noticeable that there were a lot of families with exactly the same configuration as our own.

I think TPCWife is correct that when people decide to become parents in the modern US, that generally means they are intending to sign up for the 2+ kid package.

(We knew a handful of 3 and 4 kid families there, but I find that since we’ve moved to TX, we know a much larger diversity of family sizes than we did in DC–this was DC proper, not just metro DC.)

I’ve had several conversations with people after their first where the planning for the 2nd has already begun and it’s a total given that it will happen. It’s just a different worldview than my own.

Thank you all for this conversation. I enjoy discussing my perspective on this issue.