Need advice about elderly dating .. in doubt?

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FredeRIck

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My wife of 42 years passed away a little over 2 years ago. My best friend passed away a little over 5 years ago. I occasionally she his wife who also is/was a good friend of mine and my wife’s. We occasionally go out to eat, and see each others about once a month. We are both in are early 70’s, practicing Roman Catholics and have grown and married children. Would it be wrong to start seeing her on a more regular basis. We have a good time together and enjoy each others company. Our relationship is strictly platonic, however I’m concerned (don’t laugh) that this could eventually become physical with possibly some sexual desire. I don’t know how I or she would respond … we both loved are deceased spouses very much and were faithful to them for many years. We are both lonely, some what still depressed and seeing companionship … maybe more ( even believing that our loved ones are in a much better place ). What would our loved ones think ? As much as I’d like to see how this would turn out … I’m somewhat in doubt about trying it.

Any advice ?
 
FredeRIck said:
My wife of 42 years passed away a little over 2 years ago. My best friend passed away a little over 5 years ago. I occasionally she his wife who also is/was a good friend of mine and my wife’s. We occasionally go out to eat, and see each others about once a month. We are both in are early 70’s, practicing Roman Catholics and have grown and married children. Would it be wrong to start seeing her on a more regular basis. We have a good time together and enjoy each others company. Our relationship is strictly platonic, however I’m concerned (don’t laugh) that this could eventually become physical with possibly some sexual desire. I don’t know how I or she would respond … we both loved are deceased spouses very much and were faithful to them for many years. We are both lonely, some what still depressed and seeing companionship … maybe more ( even believing that our loved ones are in a much better place ). What would our loved ones think ? As much as I’d like to see how this would turn out … I’m somewhat in doubt about trying it.

Any advice ?
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Please, please, pursue the relationship. There is absolutely no reason for you not to.

The kind of attraction you cite is common to anyone who is engaged in courtship. I wouldn’t worry about it one bit.

Hope it goes well.
 
I agree with the other posters. It looks like I’m around the same age as you (73). Go for it, and may you find happiness together.
 
We are both free to marry according to the Roman Catholic tradition … however, I can’t see that in my near future nor do I think can my deceased best friends wife.
 
Well, I recommend that before you pursue what you are considering, it would be good to take some time and consider another option - namely, to consecrate your remaining years to celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom, and devote your time to seeking to advance that Kingdom.

You have already had, thanks be to God, many years of beautiful and faithful Christian marriage and family. He has taken that away, in part anyway, here in the closing years of your life, setting before you a choice:
– you could seek to return to that same (married) vocation, and the life that that offers, or
– you could discern that maybe God closed that vocation for another purpose - another calling - another expression of discipleship following Jesus.

Those are two “goods”, possibly, set before you to prayerfully listen to and consider. What do you hear - after time and prayer - God calling you to in this new moment of your life?

Some monasteries welcome long-term retreatants, who are discerning such things.
 
FredeRIck said:
We are both free to marry according to the Roman Catholic tradition … however, I can’t see that in my near future nor do I think can my deceased best friends wife.
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And that’s fine. You don’t have to make any commitment right off the bat. You can simply enjoy each other’s company and take it one step at a time.

As to how your family would react if it were to get more serious, that’s something none of us can really answer. In similar cases I have seen, sometimes the children are supportive and think it’s great. In other cases, the children are quite opposed.

Just take it one day at a time. 👍
 
I can guarantee you neither of our children would object. Mine are actually encouraging me.
I know her three sons who are in the ages of 40 - 50 and have known them quite well for at least close to 40 years. She has actually asked me to go on vacations with her to visit her sons and sister. I know her brothers very well also. I sincerely doubt if they would care.
 
That’s what makes it difficult. I know we have free will.
I loved my wife dearly and even though she has passed I would not want to offend her.
That may sound stupid to some, but I believe she is watching over me.

I don’t know … maybe just taking it one day at a time is the best.
Actually, someday I could be up front with her and ask her what see may be expecting.
I’m quite sure we would still remain very good friends even if we had different intentions.
 
Working at a parish, I see many widows/widowers.

The men who seemed to be in the happiest marriages, when they lose their wife, they seem to all marry again. It is a tribute to how wonderful their marriage was, that they loved being married.

If I were to die, I would hope and pray my husband finds another wife!
 
If you are worried about what your now deceased spouses might think, don’t be. If it is God’s will, they are enjoying the beatific vision. They have been washed in the blood of the lamb and are united with the will of God. If being in a relationship with this woman is the best thing for you (ie God’s will), then it would be the will of your former spouses as well.

I know that’s a hard concept to grasp, but pray about it and ask God what He desires for you.
 
It sounds like companionship is what you are seeking at the moment, and that you both enjoy each other’s company. Continue along that route, spend time together. It’s not exclusive, so you are both free to spend time with others, as individuals and/or group settings. I know so many who are just plain lonely and would love to be able to enjoy companionship. You never know what tomorrow brings!
 
Wow … that is really heavy to contemplate.
My wife use to kid me and say “when I die you will probably meet some one half my age and spend all our money on her taking nice trips, etc.” That will not happen !!!
However, I do believe she would want me to be with someone and not be alone.

In my eyes, my wife was a saint.
I don’t know if her soul is in heaven as of yet but I’m quite sure it will be some day if it isn’t already.
The real issue here is … I don’t know what God’s will is for me concerning this issue (which is really small in the grand scheme of things).

I’m quite sure my wife and best friend would not object to a platonic relationship.
I’ll probably leave it like that for a while as I contemplate possible alternatives along with guidance from God.

I was sort of curious if other have faced this issue and how they responded.
 
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