Need advice about sexually active nephew

[Cattitude]

Hello,
I just found out that my 16 year old nephew is sexually active, and that my brother is supplying him with condoms. My brother is a single parent. His son is the product of a relationship with a woman he was never married to, she has been out of the picture for 15 years. My brother was married to another woman, but has been divorced from her for about 5 years, since then my brother has “dated” on and off, but currently does not have a girlfriend.

We were raised Catholic, but very poorly catechized and both fell away after leaving home. We went to church on Sunday, and CCD once a week, but my parents gave us little Catholic instruction at home. I have since reverted, but my brother has not. He told me he doesn’t have any faith in God.:crying:

I suspected this for a while, since my brother is more of a friend to his son, and does not set the best example with his personal behavior, but my suspicions were confirmed this weekend.

My question is what can I do to help my nephew, and my brother? I know that I am not going to be able to completely override the social pressures on my nephew combined with the permissive attitude of my brother, but I feel I need to do something - I am his Godmother, after all. I live 2 hours away, so I don’t have a way to personally influence his life on a daily basis.

My brother has said that I could talk with him and that he looks up to me. I think my brother is somewhat open to this as well, we had a good 2 hour discussion about the Church, sexuality, etc. I think he is just ignorant about what Christian love really is and the consequences of promiscuity (beyond the obvious STDs and unintended pregnancy). My kids are only 6 & 3, so I’ve thought about this, but not been through it myself.

Any advice and prayers are greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading this far, I know it was long.

 

[kage_ar]

For a teenage who has been raised in a totally secular home, I’d suggest you search out some of the existing secular abstainance programs. “Don’t have sex because it is a sin” will shut him down.

After you work on the secular reasons, you might try a copy of Colleen Mast’s work www.sexrespect.com or TOTB for Teens.

 

[fannypanny]

honestly, i understand the kind of thing that your nephew is going through. because i have seen this exact behaviour in a few of my own close friends who do not live with there biological mothers but there fathers who have since gained a new spouse. Its gonna be really tough to convert his way of thinking, as I personally think that only a older male figure could set this example for him to follow. but none the less - i think if he is open to other options - definately show him the ‘Romance without Regret’ dvd, by Jason Evert. I would get the public school edition rather than the Catholic one (well at this point). Then perhaps also purchase, Puremanhood by JE, it is a great little pocket book explaining a chastity, abstinence etc.
Also prayer is another vital thing…Thats prob. one of your other best options. but goodluck with that.

 

[Long_Island_Bob]

I wouldn’t sweat it too much.

According to the Code of Canon Law, (No. 872).
“Insofar as possible, one to be baptized is to be given a sponsor who is to assist an adult in Christian initiation, or, together with the parents, to present an infant at the baptism, and who will help the baptized to lead a Christian life in harmony with baptism, and to fulfill faithfully the obligations connected with it.”

IOW
your job as goparent is to “help the baptized to lead a Christian life in harmony with baptism, and to fulfill faithfully the obligations connected with it.”

You are his godmother not his mother.

You job is to help, teach and influence not to raise or dictate.

You should never do anything to express approval of his lifestyle choice. You should express your disapproval, (in terms of “you are taking foolish risks,” not “you’re gonna burn in hell”), when the opportunity presents itself.

You should to whatever degree you are not interfering too much, provide opportunites for him to socialize in a better healthier setting, among teens with better values.

But in the end he is your nephew and your Godson not your son and you should love him despite his faults.