Need Advice- Family & Marriage

[lawrencefamily1]

Backstory: My husband, myself and my two children moved out of state (from where I grew up and my entire family is) - we moved to a new ranch to better ourselves and our family life. My husband does not see eye to eye with most of my family. My family (non-immediate) are non-spiritual (they say they believe in God but have never went to Church and believe in divorce, abortion, and such) and we are devoted Catholics. I usually run my household like a tree. My husband is the roots and the foundation, I am the trunk, and my kids are the branches. My husband has told me that my parents are always welcome, however, he has told me other family (aunts, uncles, cousins) are not. They have done stuff in the past that he is unable to get past. My 2nd cousin has passed away recently and is having their ashes scattered just 30 minutes away from us, therefore, family just assumed they would stay here with us for the weekend. My husband says no way no how. My mom is upset and is now fighting with my husband. I can not handle this. My mom and dad are welcome, but my aunt and uncle that assumed they would stay with us are not. It is a bad situation. I am searching for answers in the Bible. I am trying to turn it over to the Lord. I am heartbroken today that my mom is stating how ungrateful my husband is. Any thoughts? Prayers please as well. Thank you. God Bless.

 

[Joe_5859]

I am sorry to hear of your trials.

The best advice I can give is to pray, talk it over with your husband, and ultimately present a united front.

Different people have wildly different expectations when it comes to family. I know for me, it would be no big deal to have some random family member crash on a blow-up mattress on my living room floor on short notice without ever actually asking. My wife wouldn’t be so pleased, though.

Even if I don’t have a problem with something and my wife does, I would never let our disagreement become the subject of conversation with my parents or anyone else in the family. As far as I’m concerned, it becomes our collective position on the subject.

 

[Cricket2]

No one should assume they are able to stay at anyone’s house. Simply tell folks you can handle your parents and that is all. If others are upset that is their problem, not yours. It is wrong of them to assume they are welcome, that you have space to handle this or even the income. They (aunts, uncles whoever) need to grow up and get a motel or hotel.

Stick by your husbands side. Your married to him, not them. And do it in a way that lets people know you agree with him, not in a way that makes him look bossy.

 

[FrenzyJen]

How in any way does this make your husband “ungrateful”? As in, he owes your parents for you or something?? I’d point that out to your mother (when you tell her that you and your husband agree that the family won’t be staying with you guys) that she’s using manipulative language and she should work on sorting that out, because it’s a really unattractive quality. He does not owe your parents anything.

 

[Old_Sarum]

You might be able to soften up your husband. Remind him that we are called to love one another as we love ourselves, and as God has loved us. Remind him of how we have to forgive in order to be forgiven. But of course, support your husband.

 

[Jon_S_1]

Backstory: My husband, myself and my two children moved out of state (from where I grew up and my entire family is) - we moved to a new ranch to better ourselves and our family life. My husband does not see eye to eye with most of my family. My family (non-immediate) are non-spiritual (they say they believe in God but have never went to Church and believe in divorce, abortion, and such) and we are devoted Catholics. I usually run my household like a tree. My husband is the roots and the foundation, I am the trunk, and my kids are the branches. My husband has told me that my parents are always welcome, however, he has told me other family (aunts, uncles, cousins) are not. They have done stuff in the past that he is unable to get past. My 2nd cousin has passed away recently and is having their ashes scattered just 30 minutes away from us, therefore, family just assumed they would stay here with us for the weekend. My husband says no way no how. My mom is upset and is now fighting with my husband. I can not handle this. My mom and dad are welcome, but my aunt and uncle that assumed they would stay with us are not. It is a bad situation. I am searching for answers in the Bible. I am trying to turn it over to the Lord. I am heartbroken today that my mom is stating how ungrateful my husband is. Any thoughts? Prayers please as well. Thank you. God Bless.

Praying for you guys.

I am with your husband on this. You and him come first, and his comfort is your concern first, your family and their presumption is a distant second.

 

[PennyinCanada]

You know when you’re in a grocery store and a toddler has a fit with mom, and mom gives in so she can continue the shopping in peace? She has just taught the child something, that well timed bad behavior means that mom will submit to the demand. Next time mom and toddler are in the store, another temper tantrum happens. Bad behaviour was rewarded and returns again.

I’m just wondering if your mother is used to getting her way and when someone says no, she has a temper tantrum. Has this been a pattern she’s used before and have people caved to make her happy? Are you feeling bullied? It’s ok to say no and they can find other accommodations. Put your husband’s wishes first on this. I am not impressed that your mother is fighting with him on this matter and I’m sorry for the grief this is causing you. Your aunt and uncle will be fine! Just breathe and continue on. Give your husband a big hug and kiss too, it’s not easy for him either.