Need advice for approaching a friend who has come out as bisexual

[Gabriel_Syme]

I have a friend of mine who I had been helping to understand the Church’s teachings. He’s the kind of guy who seems to go in an out of phases, he was catholic for a while, then an atheist, then dabbled in the occult, then for a time expressed thinking about coming back into the church. most recently he has just come out on facebook saying he’s bisexual now. part of me wants to think this is another phase of his, another part of me is not sure that’s the case, and further yet, I fear this will make the possibility of him coming back into the church much more difficult. I need help, and now knowing this, I am just not sure how to approach him on the subject.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

I wouldn’t worry too much about it, although I certainly wouldn’t think that it’s a phase. I don’t think men come out as bisexual unless they are (at the very least) are attracted to other men. But that’s not a huge deal, since our attractions do not determine our actions.

 

[mountee]

In this day and age it is really difficult to approach people like your friend with anything but support and you certainly do not want to do that. Our society is telling us to be more inclusive for everyone and we are not “politically” correct if we do not accept gay marriage, etc. Even at my age I have friends who call themselves Catholic and yet they are divorced and living in SS relationships. In my case I believe that my main course of action is to pray, pray, pray and leave this to God to take care of. If I am ever asked my opinion on the subject I will answer honestly as kindly as I can but otherwise I try to stay quiet without seeming to support.

 

[Lasting_faith]

Love him as you love your self. That is God’s will.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Well, he already knows enough about our faith. He has rejected it - for now. I doubt that he doesn’t know what the church teaches about human sexuality. He knows that you can help him go back to the church and give him more information if he needs it. I’m not really sure what you mean by approaching him in this situation. I think the best thing would be to ignore this and see if he approaches you.

 

[tjones80]

I have a friend of mine who I had been helping to understand the Church’s teachings. He’s the kind of guy who seems to go in an out of phases, he was catholic for a while, then an atheist, then dabbled in the occult, then for a time expressed thinking about coming back into the church. most recently he has just come out on facebook saying he’s bisexual now. part of me wants to think this is another phase of his, another part of me is not sure that’s the case, and further yet, I fear this will make the possibility of him coming back into the church much more difficult. I need help, and now knowing this, I am just not sure how to approach him on the subject.

If he was someone I knew I would avoid him.

 

[MJJean]

Well, he already knows enough about our faith. He has rejected it - for now. I doubt that he doesn’t know what the church teaches about human sexuality. He knows that you can help him go back to the church and give him more information if he needs it. I’m not really sure what you mean by approaching him in this situation. I think the best thing would be to ignore this and see if he approaches you.

This coming out as bisexual isn’t necessarily a rejection of Catholicism. Just because this man is willing to openly admit he is attracted to other men doesn’t mean he is acting on that attraction. Even if he is acting on that attraction at this time doesn’t mean he won’t change again, decide to only allow himself relationships with women, and avail himself of Reconciliation.

If he was someone I knew I would avoid him.

Why? I promise, sexuality isn’t contagious. If there is to be any hope of this man living a Catholic life he needs stable friends who will help him find his way.

I wouldn’t worry too much about it, although I certainly wouldn’t think that it’s a phase. I don’t think men come out as bisexual unless they are (at the very least) are attracted to other men. But that’s not a huge deal, since our attractions do not determine our actions.

Exactly. There are many bisexual people who choose not to act on their SSA.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

This coming out as bisexual isn’t necessarily a rejection of Catholicism.

If I understood it correctly, the OP said that this friend shops around when it comes to religion, and that he left the church for something else. I’m not suggesting that his public proclamation is related to that. I don’t think it is.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

There are many bisexual people who choose not to act on their SSA.

I have to admit I don’t understand this trend of making public announcements on FB of such private matters. Why would people do that, unless they plan to or already act on their impulses? I’ve never met a chaste bisexual or homosexual unless they were really religious, but religious people tend to be discreet about such temptations and don’t make public proclamations about it.

The world is indeed a strange place.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

I have to admit I don’t understand this trend of making public announcements on FB of such private matters. Why would people do that, unless they plan to or already act on their impulses? I’ve never met a chaste bisexual or homosexual unless they were really religious, but religious people tend to be discreet about such temptations and don’t make public proclamations about it.

The world is indeed a strange place.

Hi there, I’m a chaste bisexual.

Actually, I don’t generally call myself a bisexual, but neither am I ashamed of the fact that I am attracted to men as well as women. I’d certainly prefer not to be attracted to men, but I don’t think there is much advantage in hiding the fact that I am attracted to men.

“Religious people tend to be discreet about such temptations.”

Well, yes, and with good reason in many cases. I don’t publicize my struggle with being attracted to men in social circles, because I have children, and people’s confused responses could hurt my kids. But if I were single, I don’t think I would hide it. In Christian culture, same sex attraction is a very difficult thing to experience, and I don’t think “being discreet” about it helps children with SSA handle their struggle in a mature way.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

In Christian culture, same sex attraction is a very difficult thing to experience, and I don’t think “being discreet” about it helps children with SSA handle their struggle in a mature way.

I’m sure it is difficult. But I’m old-fashioned and believe that one’s sexual preferences should be private. I don’t want to know about my fellow parishioners’ SSA or whatever. I’m not unusual in feeling this way. But this is not the point at all. It’s about the OP’s friend and how he can be approached.

The OP’s friend drifted out of the catholic faith into atheism and then into the occult, as it is stated in the 1st post. This is not a person who is expressing his sexuality in a church environment, but is doing it on a public forum, in a rather secular way. I suspect he expects applause and support. I don’t think that the OP can offer anything he has not offered to his friend already, and I suggest he stays quiet and waits for a more appropriate moment to say something.

 

[MJJean]

I have to admit I don’t understand this trend of making public announcements on FB of such private matters. Why would people do that, unless they plan to or already act on their impulses? I’ve never met a chaste bisexual or homosexual unless they were really religious, but religious people tend to be discreet about such temptations and don’t make public proclamations about it.

The world is indeed a strange place.

People tell everyone everything now. Social media has made privacy a thing of the past. I’m old school and don’t tell the world whats going on in my life via FB and Twitter, but I know plenty of people who have no problem doing so. Nothing to do with acting on impulses or not and everything to do with seeking love, acceptance, and connection I think.

When I was a teen working at McDonald’s one of my managers was homosexual and a 30 something virgin. I know a few bisexual men and women that are in hetero marriages and do not act on their SSA. Chaste bisexuals and homosexuals are out there. Most of them just don’t advertise. I wish they did, though, as that would set a good example for the young who are struggling.

Hi there, I’m a chaste bisexual.

Actually, I don’t generally call myself a bisexual, but neither am I ashamed of the fact that I am attracted to men as well as women. I’d certainly prefer not to be attracted to men, but I don’t think there is much advantage in hiding the fact that I am attracted to men.

“Religious people tend to be discreet about such temptations.”

Well, yes, and with good reason in many cases. I don’t publicize my struggle with being attracted to men in social circles, because I have children, and people’s confused responses could hurt my kids. But if I were single, I don’t think I would hide it. In Christian culture, same sex attraction is a very difficult thing to experience, and I don’t think “being discreet” about it helps children with SSA handle their struggle in a mature way.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Chaste bisexuals and homosexuals are out there. Most of them just don’t advertise.

The next time I have to have a nametag, I’m going to write on it:

“Hi, my name is … Chaste Bisexual”.

 

[MJJean]

The next time I have to have a nametag, I’m going to write on it:

“Hi, my name is … Chaste Bisexual”.