Need Advice for Rift with Adult Son

[RosalieM]

My son is mentally ill and living in a residence care home. He visits me about once a month and on special occasions. We had a flare-up on Christmas day. I was grief-stricken at the time and needed his support at the loss of my long time beloved pet. Instead he presented his psychological and physical problems repeatedly and I couldn’t handle it. I yelled at him to stop it, I had just lost my best friend. We both seemed to calm down and then he left to get some stomach remedy, so he said. He never returned. He won’t come to the phone, answer emails or call me. I sent him a starbucks gift card, and an apology. I have asked people where he lives to give him my apologies. I have accepted all the blame for losing my temper when I was grieving. I don’t know what else I can do. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you. (I am praying about this every day).

 

[nicolep]

Other than praying, I don’t know that you can do much since he has a mental illness. I’m so sorry this happened. Feel free to vent to us though! Hopefully over time the situation will improve.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I have a schizophrenic son, and a bipolar daughter, so I really do empathize. I’ve had my son tried to kill me.

I have found two good things in this:

• Don’t do more than you can handle. Christmas is a lousy time as it is. You simply were not up to this.
• Don’t expect more of them than they can give. He is probably not capable of supporting you in your grief.
  Now, leave the ball in his court. Don’t call him, write him until the end of hte month, as long as he is safe and in his residence home, he’s fine. Send him a card at the end of the month. Send him a follow-up card at the end of February.

I’m sorry for the loss of your beloved pet.

 

[RosalieM]

Your comments are so comforting. My son is also a person diagnosed as bipolar/schizophrenic. I hope he is all right in the residence home. They have visiting psychiatrists and doctors periodically and it seems the staff is comprised of good-hearted people. I’ll send him his allowance at the end of the month with another note of apology and invitation for his favorite meal.