Need advice from the elder members on the forum

[Haru]

My father retired last year and has been at my brother’s house (away from my mom) helping him look after his 2 yr old. Last year, I happened to go through his phone and happened to see his search history which included searches for Porn websites and Brothels nearby.

My father has had a history of cheating and sadly each time I’d be the one to find out first, just the thought would deeply hurt me. Although I know that he isn’t having an affair at the moment his internet searches sadden and disturb me and I am not sure what I should do about it (because this time I wasn’t supposed to know)

Apart from this he’s a great father and takes good care of me and my siblings. He makes a lot of sacrifices for us and puts our needs first. Should I just bury this in my heart and take it to the grave, living peacefully the way we are?

If possible I would love some advice from older, married people on the forum

 

[puer.dei]

Last year, I happened to go through his phone

How does one “happen” to go through another person’s phone? Why do you think that’s acceptable?

Most of all, what do you think you can do with this knowledge that won’t forever rupture your relationship with your father? And possibly your mother, also?

 

[Haru]

How does one “happen” to go through another person’s phone?

To be more precise I was using his phone to look up something on Google (which is acceptable in our family because we know each other’s passwords and use each other’s phones sometimes for stuff like this… Not like we’re going through each other’s chats) , but when I tapped the Google search bar it showed all his previous searches

 

[Haru]

what do you think you can do with this knowledge that won’t forever rupture your relationship with your father

Which is what I’m asking forget telling my mom, after everything she’s been through with my dad’s past record she’d be devastated, but should I not confront my dad about it either?

 

[1ke]

Although I know that he isn’t having an affair at the moment

You don’t really “know” what he’s doing or not doing.

Apart from this he’s a great father and takes good care of me and my siblings. He makes a lot of sacrifices for us and puts our needs first.

Other than being a cheater, porn user, and possibly also having sex with prostitutes, he’s a great dad.

Clearly he’s putting himself first with this behavior.

Good deeds don’t negate the bad deeds.

Should I just bury this in my heart and take it to the grave, living peacefully the way we are?

If possible I would love some advice from older, married people on the forum

Dad, i need to have a conversation with you and it’s going to be uncomfortable for both of us. I used your phone a few weeks ago to do a google search, and your search history showed searches for porn and prostitutes. I don’t know if this was your search or someone else’s on your phone.

If it was you, and you acted on the prostitutes search, I need you to get checked for STDs. There could be serious health consequences from that sort of behavior, and not just for you but for Mom too. Don’t take risks with her health or yours.

I’d also encourage you to seek the sacrament confession.

 

[Irishmom2]

Great advice on how to approach his dad from 1ke, but only if they are older and not still living at home.

It really is not any of your business though. Your mother has stayed with your father despite his cheating etc. I do not know what telling her would do, so please don’t mention it to her.

 

[upant]

It really is not any of your business though.

I have to politely disagree with this, it is the children’s business if he is doing something to hurt his family. the children can feel the betrayal as much as the mother.

@Haru I will pray for you and your family

Let's Pray a Perpetual Rosary Spirituality

for @Haru and family, I pray HAIL MARY, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen. 9th Hail Mary ~ Joyful (2)

 

[Annie]

I was in the car and heard a Drew Mariani show today about human trafficking. I had tended to think of it as people being transported across national boundaries, but it includes anyone coerced into commercial sexual activity, the victims often being coerced by having first been hooked onto very addictive drugs.

One of the people interviewed had spoken with some of the “customers” and she humanizes the victims for them, resulting in their remorse, and hopefully turning away from continued involvement.

It could be that you could speak about human trafficking in general around your father and have a similar effect without having a conversation involving his personal choices.

 

[Haru]

Thank you so much

 

[Legend]

. Should I just bury this in my heart and take it to the grave, living peacefully the way we are?

I don’t think you have to make such a drastic decision now! You could, to his face, give him the benefit of the doubt, but still be alarmed if you come to suspect him of such behaviors.

One possibility crossed my mind…he may think of himself as a 'part-time bachelor '. Many men do behave this way when temporarily living apart from their wives…It seldom goes beyond just talk. But, if you have reason to feel that he’s about to, or has crossed some lines, you can try and talk to him.

God Bless you and your family!