Need Advice on Catholic Dating

[cFed]

Hello,

I am a 30 y/o single practicing Catholic man. I have had my fair share of dating experiences- all of which are from online dating and most of which have ended up terribly. I am going to take a young Catholic woman on a date for Valentine’s Day this year. This will honestly be my first date with a woman who I HAVE NOT met on a dating site/app. I have known this woman for a bit over a year and we are pretty good friends (we attend the same Parrish). My biggest problem with dating previous women is that I feel I have been too needy/clingy. I feel like I have to rush things and spend tons of time with the woman I am dating right from the beginning. In the past, this often becomes detrimental to our relationship and we end up going our separate ways. I am hoping I can somehow overcome this problem with my friend who I am taking on a date, but I would really appreciate any advice on how I can do this or advice on Catholic dating in general.

Thanks!

 

[Irishmom2]

Welcome to CAF, cFed!

It seems like you actually know what the problem is, now, you just have to change what you do!

Just take things slow. Wait until the woman gives you an indication she is interested. Believe me, if she is, she will let you know. No need to rush things, or get too involved right from the start.

 

[dochawk]

Believe me, if she is, she will let you know.

And likely as not, she’ll have you thinking that it was your idea! :crazy_face:

Fortunately, many women are like that–which is fortunate, because so many of us aren’t so good at catching clues and hints . . .

 

[CoffeeCatholic]

My biggest problem with dating previous women is that I feel I have been too needy/clingy.

It’s good that you recognize this. One thing you can do is make sure you are busy with other things in life, like your favorite hobbies, work, friends, etc. so you don’t become fully and only focused on her and thus, your clingy/needy comes out. A healthy ratio of all will keep you grounded. Good luck on your date Friday!

 

[littlebird]

Maybe think if it as just being friends. As time passes, see if you are compatible. If you are not compatible for marriage, you have gained a female friend. It is nice to have friends. She may even help you find someone as time passes.

 

[cFed]

dy comes out. A healthy ratio of all will keep you grounded. Good luck on your date Friday!

This seems reasonable…I guess in the past, I have had a habit of dropping/neglecting everything else going on in my life for the woman I was dating.

 

[Irishmom2]

Just remember that things will be revealed over time. No need to think it all needs to be learned, or said or done in a short time.

 

[cFed]

Thanks for all the advice! Just an update: The date overall went really well! Towards the end of the date, I tried to hold her hand to see how she would react and she was not into it. However, at the end of the night she told me she pulled her hand away because she felt I was moving too fast and she wants to be slow and intentional about her relationships. She then let me know that she definitely is interested in a 2nd date!

 

[Irishmom2]

Okay, well I hope you learned something. Sounds like you really need to hold back a little. Again, she will let you know!

 

[do_justly_love_mercy]

Congratulations on getting a second date. My advice would be maybe work a little on picking up cues from the woman. Holding someone’s hand is something you tend to do when you’re pretty comfortable with each other. I think it’s quite an intimate thing to do. It’s not even necessarily romantic. I still like to hold my dad’s hand even now I am a grown woman. I think I’d find it a bit strange if a guy was trying to hold my hand on our first date. Maybe I’m a bit weird. But, yeah, I think maybe you need to work on sensing where she wants things to go rather than following your own timetable. I wouldn’t recommend doing stuff just to see how she reacts. That’s never likely to end well. All this stuff has to be intuitive. I think you just get a feeling when you’re on the same page, so to speak. Anyway, you must be doing something right if she wants to have a second date, so well done.