Need advice on my marriage

[stinkcat_14]

My wife and I are in a dispute that has been going on for about three years and I need some advice. My wife and I moved into our house about three years ago, which is about an hour away from where she grew up. One advantage of the area where we moved is it has lower property prices and we were able to pay off our mortgage after a little more than a year. The problem is the following: ever since she moved here, she has claimed she has hated it and wants to move back. That by itself is not that big of an issue, however, when I suggest we get counseling so that we can figure out what the real issue is, she steadfastly refuses. Soon after we moved here, I returned to the church after leaving before we got married for a protestant denomination. She hasn’t attended church in about 5 years, which was not that long after we were married. She is bitter that I joined the church and she loves to make digs against Catholics in particular. I can only attend church events if it doesn’t inconvenience her. Holy days of obligation are often a battle, she will try to prevent me from going to mass. My hypothesis is that she is trying to make herself happy by changing the externals, when really she is not at peace with herself internally. I am getting to the point where I am wondering if it is time for us to seperate for a while, rather than taking on a mortgage that in reality is not going to make her any happier. We could easily afford a mortgage, we make good money. On the other hand, maybe the only way she is going to learn is the hard way. Personally, I think she likes to work a lot because it distracts her from the pain in her life. Like I said, she refuses counseling, nor is she interested in talking about this with anyone who might disagree with her.

If anyone has any advice, I would appreciate it.

Thanks.

 

[Hawthorne]

That sounds like a tough situation. I would suggest praying for her, (though you probably already do) and finding a good catholic counselor for yourself. This is difficult to deal with, and you could learn some ways to help her open up and discuss what is really bothering her. It could be that she perceives your devotion to God as competition, or as a negative judgement of her. Be the best husband you can, and show her that loving God makes you a better person than before. I would not think separation is a solution. Have you checked out exceptionalmarriages.com?

 

[AlanFromWichita]

I read that if a person becomes a believer after becoming married, the believer must allow the nonbeliever to stay or go as they choose. The non-believing spouse is somehow “justified” by the believing one.
1 Cor 7:

10 To the married, however, I give this instruction (not I, but the Lord): 7 a wife should not separate from her husband 11 --and if she does separate she must either remain single or become reconciled to her husband–and a husband should not divorce his wife. 12 To the rest 8 I say (not the Lord): if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she is willing to go on living with him, he should not divorce her; 13 and if any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he is willing to go on living with her, she should not divorce her husband. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy through the brother. Otherwise your children would be unclean, whereas in fact they are holy. 15 If the unbeliever separates, 9 however, let him separate. The brother or sister is not bound in such cases; God has called you to peace. 16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband; or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? 17 10 Only, everyone should live as the Lord has assigned, just as God called each one. I give this order in all the churches.

Alan