Need advice, what do I do?

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Brendea

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So I have a wonderful fiance and we have an 11 yr old son together. My partner has been previously married and has not only got a divorce but has also got an anullment through the church. We broke up for a period of time when our son was younger he was born extremely premature (23 weeks) and through all the stress etc and the fact we were getting transferred from hospital to hospital for this surgery and that surgery we broke up for a couple of years ( it was during the break up he married) it also didn’t help I was 17 at the time and my partners mother thought I wasn’t good enough or old enough for her son
When I first moved in with him 4 and a half years ago we were just friends ( we managed to stay very good friends through our break up ) and we moved in together into his house so our son could go to a decent school it was also a house our son was familiar with ( he has trouble settling into new places) and we had intended for us to move out in a couple of months time when I found a house and he was settled ( instead 2 weeks later we were back in a relationship together)
We are currently trying very hard to be abstinent as this is what God wants and we have talked about marriage however his mother doesn’t agree with us getting married beacuse he has been married before and doesn’t see the point in us getting married ( apparently as he’s been married previously he doesn’t need to get married again) I have tried talking to her about this but I don’t want to ruin a relationship between my partner and his mother.
So it seems my options are.
1 we elope and have a civil ceremony ( outside the church which we know is against church teaching)
2 we get married in the church behind her back which is something I am not comfortable doing it will only cause tension in the family
3 we continue to try and stay abstinent ( this gets very hard to do )
4 we just live in sin for the rest of our lives
5 we break up and me and the kids move out ( which will negatively affect the 3 kids )
I don’t know what to do and I have considered talking to the preist about it but I don’t see how it could help.
 
Brendea said:
1 we elope and have a civil ceremony ( outside the church which we know is against church teaching)
2 we get married in the church behind her back which is something I am not comfortable doing it will only cause tension in the family
3 we continue to try and stay abstinent ( this gets very hard to do )
4 we just live in sin for the rest of our lives
5 we break up and me and the kids move out ( which will negatively affect the 3 kids )
I don’t know what to do and I have considered talking to the preist about it but I don’t see how it could help.
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  1. He tells his mother that he is going to marry you and it doesn’t matter what she thinks of it. He could also point out that you are the mother of her grandchild.
 
Does his mother understand that because he has an annulment he is free to marry you? I think talking to a priest is a good idea. He may also be willing to talk to your fiance’s mother about what “free to marry” means.

Ultimately though, his mother doesn’t need to “see the point” in the two of you getting married. If you’re engaged, you should contact your parish to get started on marriage preparation. This doesn’t need to be done “behind her back.” Your fiance needs to tell her “Mom, we are getting married in the Church.” If she doesn’t like it, that is her problem to deal with. The two of you are adults and do not need her approval.
 
If both of you are mature enough, and your former troubles have been put behind you, go get married in the Church. Your kids need stability and you need a husband and father for your child. Don’t worry about your mother in law. It’s not her life, it’s yours and his.
 
We’ve tried talking to his mother about it and she thinks we’ve been together this long why bother apparently it costs a fortune and it is a hassle in the case of a divorce ( however I’ve been with him long enough now in a defacto relationship that I’m entitled to part of the house anyway if we break up so that excuse doesn’t sit well with me)
And every option I can think of goes against church teaching or my own beliefs
 
I think we are mature enough my Fiance has had cancer recently and ive held his hand the whole time. And up until he got sick we owned a business together. We also ran a charitable organisation together.
 
Option 6– stop worrying about what his mother thinks.

Get married in the Church. You are adults. Not children.

If his mother can’t behave, he will have to tell her to butt out.
 
It doesn’t cost a fortune to get married in the church. You need a priest or deacon and two witnesses.

Stop talking to her about it. Just go to your pastor, do the premarital preparation, and get married.

It’s not her business. Stop talking to her about it.
 
You have approximately 28 years old now.

You don’t need his mother approval to do what is right and live in a permanent live of sin because this person want this for you.

What is your fiancé’s opinion?

The right question is: are you ready for this marriage? Do your relationship is strong enough? Are you mature enough?

If it is the case, you will married. The mother will understand, perhaps with time.
 
Mature enough yes, ready yes and I believe our relationship is strong enough I’ve sat there and supported him through his medical problems
 
Great!
So, I think what you need is a good marriage preparation in the Church (not just the required basic, but adding a retreat and perhaps conjugal conseling).

He other part is to assumed the decision with the mother. I said that, but I know that those sort of thing can slow down a couple, and it’s increasingly common in our society.
It can be hard at first, but it is not a big thing.
 
I am injust.

Yes, parental’s opposition can be a big thing! In difficult time in a marriage it can make all the difference to be support or not to continue the marital relationship.

I just hope your mother in law will change her mind soon or after the weeding.
She may be worry of another divorce?
 
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I just wish that she would be ok with it we get along great most of the time unless the question of us getting married gets brought up. And I realise that whilst we are paying for his first wedding still ( my fiancees ex left a trail of debt when she left) all I need is a preist a marriage preparation course and 2 witnesses as well as a marriage license, I have also figured out we can have a potluck lunch afterwards I don’t even need a white dress I’m happy to be married in something I already own mabye even what I wore to get baptised in. For me this isn’t about having a big party and a day all about me it’s about being with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with
 
She might be worried about another divorce but I know neither of us want to break up. I’ve supported him through cancer twice that should show everyone I’m not planning on leaving ( if I wanted to i would’ve left by now ) and hes supported me raising my 3 kids even when we weren’t together he was there
 
I hope you the best, if you followed the decision to marry. Have a strong marriage.

You have gone through many hardness in your short life.
 
Brendea, it’s not her life. She is living her life, and she doesn’t get to determine whether you and her son get married. You are both grownups now. You have children and live together.

You are going to let someone else decide your life for you? I believe you had another thread on this topic already didn’t you? It is not expensive to get married. You can have a big shindig some other time, it’s not important.

What does your partner want? Does he want yo get married? Is he holding off to please his mother?
 
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He said he wants to get married. It was him that suggested a civil marriage
 
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