Need Advice

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BeneathMyWings

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I’ll try to be short with my question.

When I was in my RCIA classes a few years ago, I pulled the nun who taught them aside and told her I was a lesbian. I asked her if I was a candidate for Baptism still. She said that I was. She said that every year she has taught the classes, someone has come out to her, and they are never turned away. So I went through with it and was baptised and confirmed.

A few follow up classes later we talked about homosexuality and that if you ARE a homosexual then you can be one, you just have to be celebate. I thought I could do it, I really did, then I met the most amazing woman and I just can’t go through with it. It pains me every day because I know I’m a sinner, and I don’t want to be one, but I am so in love with this girl…so madly in love. What am I supposed to do? Do I stay celebate and break up with her? Do I continue with the relationship? I’m just very confused.

~Monica
 
BeneathMyWings said:
I’ll try to be short with my question.

When I was in my RCIA classes a few years ago, I pulled the nun who taught them aside and told her I was a lesbian. I asked her if I was a candidate for Baptism still. She said that I was. She said that every year she has taught the classes, someone has come out to her, and they are never turned away. So I went through with it and was baptised and confirmed.

A few follow up classes later we talked about homosexuality and that if you ARE a homosexual then you can be one, you just have to be celebate. I thought I could do it, I really did, then I met the most amazing woman and I just can’t go through with it. It pains me every day because I know I’m a sinner, and I don’t want to be one, but I am so in love with this girl…so madly in love. What am I supposed to do? Do I stay celebate and break up with her? Do I continue with the relationship? I’m just very confused.

~Monica
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Is your love for christ and his church greater than your love for this woman?
 
You really need to break up with her. It’s hard, isn’t it? But we all deal with hard things, and some seem wrong when they’re right or right when they’re wrong. It takes years sometimes to see what was wrong about it, and why God is right again – and always. But we eventually realize why down the line. We bear crosses together but we bear different ones. Every time someone chooses God over an earthly desire they grow so much closer to God than before the crisis happened, from what I’ve seen and been through. So you can tell her why it’s over, just tell her you’re committed to serving God and want her to know it’s not that you don’t like her anymore. If she’s the wonderful person you describe, she’ll probably understand and if not, well, at least you know.
I had to break up with a man I’d been with for years – longer than any romance I’d had before. He was the only one who got some of my jokes, and we used to dance for hours, and it was so hard to argue with him I just kept putting it off. But finally I told him it was over, because he wouldn’t do without sex and he wouldn’t stop putting Christianity down and dragging me into sketchy scenes with him. So I had to break up. It took years to get him to realize I actually meant he should go away. I was afraid of life without him – and now I feel so much happier and freer than I did with him. I could have just trusted God and God’s laws in the first place.
You’ll be better at bearing your cross as you build up the resistance to temptations over time.:knight1::gopray2:
 
BeneathMyWings said:
I’ll try to be short with my question.

When I was in my RCIA classes a few years ago, I pulled the nun who taught them aside and told her I was a lesbian. I asked her if I was a candidate for Baptism still. She said that I was. She said that every year she has taught the classes, someone has come out to her, and they are never turned away. So I went through with it and was baptised and confirmed.

A few follow up classes later we talked about homosexuality and that if you ARE a homosexual then you can be one, you just have to be celebate. I thought I could do it, I really did, then I met the most amazing woman and I just can’t go through with it. It pains me every day because I know I’m a sinner, and I don’t want to be one, but I am so in love with this girl…so madly in love. What am I supposed to do? Do I stay celebate and break up with her? Do I continue with the relationship? I’m just very confused.

~Monica
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Ask for the intercession of St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Therese, the patrons of chastity.

And trust in God. He will order everything for your good.

And you must not give into the feelings, for they can change, but preserve in the love of Jesus Christ, and He will help you through this troubling and confusing time.
 
BeneathMyWings said:
What am I supposed to do? Do I stay celebate and break up with her? Do I continue with the relationship? I’m just very confused.

~Monica
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We often choose who we ask questions to based on the answers we want to hear. Since you’ve chosen to ask Catholics about your dilemma, I think you know what you want to hear and what advice you’ll actually respond to.

But I will say that even Catholics admit that God is a mysterious figure. We can only love what we know, and God is not well known, is he? Your partner, I assume, is well known by you, and can be loved fully. In my opinion, if you sacrifice a relationship with a known partner for an unknown god, you’re throwing dice.
 
There may be something bigger happening than you realize,

Luke 8:13
13"Those on the rocky soil are those who, when they hear, receive the word with joy; and these have no firm root; they believe for a while, and in time of temptation fall away.

Matthew 26:38
38Then He said to them, “My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death; remain here and keep watch with Me.”
39And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.”

1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

Galatians 5
Life by the Spirit
16So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.
19The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

I have prayed for you.
 
It is common for The Enemy to throw these kinds of temptations into the path of the newly converted, he REALLY hates to lose a soul to Christ. You have already made your choice by entering the Catholic Church and will receive all the grace you need to overcome this situation. Get in touch with Courage, they will support you in your efforts and you will meet other Catholics in similar circumstances.
 
Thank you all for your comments, I really have taken them to heart. I have contacted the priest at my local parish and requested an audience with him. We are working out when to get together as of now, but it will happen. Thank you for your prayers and support! I will try my hardest to get through this!

~Monica
 
BeneathMyWings said:
Thank you all for your comments, I really have taken them to heart. I have contacted the priest at my local parish and requested an audience with him. We are working out when to get together as of now, but it will happen. Thank you for your prayers and support! I will try my hardest to get through this!

~Monica
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Your priest isn’t the Pope or the Queen - it’s fine to call it a ‘meeting’ rather than an ‘audience’ 😃

As for your problem - it’s certainly a toughie and will need much prayer and work. There are lots of people going through the same struggle - not just those attracted to others of the same sex, but priests and religious who are vowed to celibacy and married people who are attracted to people other than their spouses.

Take heart in Christ’s words - “And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands [we could add ‘or lovers’] for the sake of My name will receive a hundred times more, and will inherit eternal life.” Matthew 19:29.

Trust that He will fulfil whatever needs it is in you that this other woman is currently meeting. And just like the wine He produced at Cana, you will receive more abundantly - and better - than you could possibly dream of now!
 
BeneathMyWings said:
Thank you all for your comments, I really have taken them to heart. I have contacted the priest at my local parish and requested an audience with him. We are working out when to get together as of now, but it will happen. Thank you for your prayers and support! I will try my hardest to get through this!

~Monica
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You are in our prayers wings. Please keep in touch.
 
BeneathMyWings said:
I’ll try to be short with my question.

When I was in my RCIA classes a few years ago, I pulled the nun who taught them aside and told her I was a lesbian. I asked her if I was a candidate for Baptism still. She said that I was. She said that every year she has taught the classes, someone has come out to her, and they are never turned away. So I went through with it and was baptised and confirmed.

A few follow up classes later we talked about homosexuality and that if you ARE a homosexual then you can be one, you just have to be celebate. I thought I could do it, I really did, then I met the most amazing woman and I just can’t go through with it. It pains me every day because I know I’m a sinner, and I don’t want to be one, but I am so in love with this girl…so madly in love. What am I supposed to do? Do I stay celebate and break up with her? Do I continue with the relationship? I’m just very confused.

~Monica
Click to expand...
Can you stay celibate and still remain in a non-sexual relationship with her? Is she willing to remain celibate with you without resenting you for it, or pressuring you into sex? I am in a similar place as you, so all I can say is pray and talk to a priest. Pray to Jesus, and pray for intercession from St. Augustine.

Peace and good.

PS. Remember to be honest with God, yourself, your priest, and this woman. If you love God and all of these people, you owe it to them to be honest about where you are spiritually.
 
I suppose my best advice would be to work as hard as you can to avoid this if you think it’s wrong, but understand that everyone has limits.
 
Sometimes you can make a breakthrough by realizing your problems are NOT the problems you originally thought you had.

I find that most folks don’t realize that we live in a culture that completely idealizes romantic love far beyond the actual ability of humans to achieve on our own. Saint Augustine noted that “our hearts are restless until we rest in you, oh Lord.” Today’s culture responds with “There’s a hole in my heart that can only be filled by you!..” And the “you” in question is widely understood to be a “significant other” human being.

Hogwash! No human can ever fully satisfy the need we each have within us for love, acceptance and value. Only God can do that. It’s not easy, which is why we live so long. We have to learn. But we don’t learn unless we know the objective: to know God, to love Him, to serve Him and grow closer to Him. Only that will fulfill that deep desire that you are TEMPTED to believe can be filled by this new person in your life.

BTW, the above applies to all of us, not just those with an SSA. I’m convinced that much of the divorce we see today is a failure to recognize where true fulfillment comes from in life. A spouse can greatly assist us in that, but can never be the total source of fulfillment.
 
Wings,

Who you are is not defined by your attraction to those of the same sex.

Last week (or maybe the week before), “Our Sunday Visitor” had an article on a woman who was a lesbian several years ago. Today she is a Catholic mother of five.

Try and find that article. You might be surprised at what you read.

Blessings to you. You are in our prayers.
 
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