Need Catholic help/advice getting over a relationship

[newcatholic2010]

Hi all I recently have been in a relationship for just under 6 months which I felt I had to end because it wasn’t going for work out.

We are both in our 20’s and me being Catholic whereas she was a non-christian who had no issues with me being who i am faith-wise. Previously we have been close friends for many years and we had decided to take our relationship to the next level as I really cared for her and wanted to be with her. I had known at the start we had religious differences plus we both had different backgrounds culturally etc. At the beginning of our relationship I already told her that my faith was something I would never let go off as it has been one of things which helped me get back on my feet when I had gone off the rails when I was alot younger. She came a couple of times with me to mass but she lives with her family and I live with mine so she didnt always come.

Also when we were friends she already knew I felt strongly about having no sex before marriage and she respected it even though I knew deep down it bugged her which she admitted to me recently before I decided to end things between us. We were also discussing marriage recently even though I am in no position to consider it as we are both still studying and she told me she did not wish to be married in a church as it wasnt part of her beliefs/culture etc. We have discussed topics like these before and I have explained to her also that in Cannon Law the church requires kids to be raised Catholics if one spouse isnt and its something which I wish to do as a future catholic father.

I thought throughout our relationship until recently she would have been fine with this as she has shown my faith alot of respect and also because she has a different cultural background I dont see an issue of teaching kids their langages of origin as it is important to know where you come from and the church is also universal encompassing many different languages and nationalities.

However she recently told me that we have too many differences between us especially when it concerns religion and that also she did not wish to be married in a church, she only wants to be married according to her religious beliefs (Hindusim) and to just have registry after. This has hurt me alot as Iv always wanted to work at our relationship, Ive always been faithful to her and I do have very strong feelings towards her. But I said to her for everything my faith has impacted on my life I cannot just throw it to one side as I dont think I could live with myself knowing I am going against Christ and his church. She isnt prepared to accept what my beliefs are and she does not be married in a church n she doesn’t see a future in it so I told her our relationship isn’t going to work out if thats what she feels.

Ever since this has happend Ive been in pieces over it, I always prayed to god to help our relationship grow and it hasnt happend I love my faith too much to let it go or have it ‘watered down’ in the next generation. I did say to her I would always be there for her as friends and she said the same to me also but I stilI feel for her alot, I just dont know what to do as it seems she has more or less made her mind up about us not having a potential future, I feel for her so much it hurts I just dont know what to do now .

If anyone can help or give me advice as a Catholic as to what I should do, it would be very helpful , thank you for reading my post.

 

[Hmgbrd]

Hi, I think that everyone here has been in your shoes at one time or another so don’t feel that you are isolated in your feelings. Be thankful for the time you shared together and try to move on. God has other plans for you and will bring you together with the perfect one for you. You are awesome. Be thankful that this experience has really sharpened your self knowledge and maturity. I am impressed that you know what you want and have a vision for your future. This girl was not the right one for you. Be thankful that she was honest enough to tell you her real feelings. What would have happened if you and she had continued to go back and forth for years? It is all good. Right now it feels rotten, but this will pass. Put it in God’s hands.

Finish your studies. Get out and do things with your other friends. Start a new social project. Learn something new. Meet girls who are on the same wave length as you and share your faith. Have fun and don’t get serious too soon.

 

[Dorothy]

First of all, how wonderful that you put your faith first. That is the most important thing.

Trust the Lord, He knows what He is about. You said you prayed for the relationship. God knows best what is good for you, and He answers prayers differently from how you would like them to be.

She was honest in telling you about not at all being interested in a church wedding, and all that is expected afterward. It would have been a very unhappy marriage.

A break-up is hard, but with the help of the Lord you will get over it.

 

[chevalier]

Hi. I’d been in a similar situation. It was five years ago. Well, it ended five years ago. Anyway.

As the other poster said, it’s good that you can put your faith first.

Also, understand that sometimes you both may be wonderful people and still need to split up. Just because she’s a wonderful person doesn’t mean you can marry her (or should).

As for not wanting to be married in church, there is a huge difference possible here. There is a difference between being married in the Church and being married in a church building. You can have a sacramental Catholic marriage without the wedding ceremony taking place in a church.

On the other hand, if the other party specifically objects to the existence of what the Catholic Church considers a valid marriage (in other words effectively wants you not to be married in the yes of the Church), then things go really bad, which is not to say necessarily invalid, but bad anyway.

And it’s heartbreaking when you have to break up for this type of reasons. I’ve been there, done that, the wound has not healed yet, even after 5 years. But sometimes doing the right thing hurts. For the record, I didn’t even do the breaking up in my case, she did. (And in my case there was a likely exclusion of offspring, so validity would more clearly have been in question.)

As a student, focus on studying. Studying, publishing papers if you can make yourself write any, going to all sorts of cool internships, making acquaintances, setting the ground for work or further academic career (which is work too anyway). This is advice from someone who didn’t do it this way.

Also realise that a lot’s going to change as you graduate, find work etc., as women finish their studies, have to make decisions etc. Personalities and tastes in the opposite sex change during those formative periods of life. Relationships can be rather volatile.