Need feedback: Im the aunt

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AngelaMarie

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The other day I was with my extended family, which included a 2 y/o grand nephew, and we were at a parade.

I bought my nephew a cute toy for $5, and told my sister (his grandmother) that it was an early birthday (#2) gift. His older sister (6) was actually walking in the parade with her mother (my niece)

My sister is insisting on paying me back because “we” (she and her husband) “want to treat the kids all the same”
  1. I have been supportive of my grand niece when it comes to money raising drives for her troop
    2)I have given her presents also
  2. was it even my sister’s business to step in and tell me me this? Again she is the grandmother, not the mother. My niece didnt mind
I thought my simple act of buying a cheap toy for a 2 y/o while his sister walked in the parade was no big deal???

Really confused
 
I’m with you. That was odd. Keeping things even for what purpose? Life is not fair. Life is not even.
 
What’s adds to the bizarre of it all is that she takes her 6 y/o granddaughter shopping frequently. Buys her little trinkets here and there.

I know she isn’t about to do that with a 2 y/o???
 
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Surely as your grand neice is older she’s had things before that he missed out on. And when there is an age difference it does get hard to treat kids the same.

I might go out with mr 5 and while we are out I may buy him a toy I won’t always buy mr11 a toy while I’m out with mr 5. Same as when mr 11 is sick I might go out and buy him a new book or some colouring things or a DVD it doesn’t necessarily mean I will buy something for mr 5 my nearly 15 year old has the opinion of she had the privilege of being an only child for 4 years so it’s only fair now that her younger brothers get things from time to time that she doesn’t get likewise for her, her brothers realise she’s treated differently beacuse she’s older she doesn’t get a cell phone beacuse we are treating them differently she gets it beacuse she’s older and she has more responsibility.
 
I don’t see anything wrong with getting any of your nieces/nephews gifts. You shouldn’t be obvious about favoring one, and It’s not a good idea to get any of them a phone, computer, or tablet, without clearing it with the parents (and deciding/arranging who will pay for the subscription). But, a small, age-appropriate toy or book should just be given, and accepted for what it is!

But, if the parents have rules, it’s best to follow them. Never put yourself in the position of having to ask a child to keep your gift a secret! Concerning grandparents…If they’re the caretakers, designated so by the parents, do as they say. If the parents are around, try to catch their eye before giving anything to the kids. Usually, they won’t make any kind of fuss.
 
Irishmom2 said:
Keeping things even for what purpose? Life is not fair. Life is not even.
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This reminds me of my best friend’s family back when I was in elementary school. At Christmas time, the gifts under the tree had be even. He and his brother and sister each got exactly x number of gifts - and the first few minutes of the early morning rush to the tree was spent with each kid tallying up the total.

Anyway, we would usually go over to their house after church on Christmas Eve for some snacks and a small celebration. One year my sister…the evil one…decided to use the occasion to sneak an extra gift under the tree for only the sister - meaning that when the Christmas morning tally was taken, she would have one more gift than her brothers.

Oh the humanity. It was a Christmas for the ages.
 
I’m not sure how paying you back makes things even? Did they take the 2yo’s toy away or something? It sounds like granny has issues. Either she percieves that little brother is favored (Was she herself the oldest, by chance.) or she favors the sister herself. The sister already had the “treat” of being in the parade. There was no logical reason to be concerned about this.
 
No, I don’t think this was your sister’s business at all. If your niece didn’t mind, then it’s fine. Nothing is ever going to be completely equal, especially for kids of different ages. His sister got to be in the parade, and that’s special too.

I’m confused though- did he end up getting the toy, or was she trying to pay you so that you didn’t give it to him?
 
AngelaMarie said:
My sister is insisting on paying me back because “we” (she and her husband) “want to treat the kids all the same”
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That’s her choice. But it’s not one you must adhere to.

Don’t let your sister ruffle you. Do what you want and ignore her nonsense. Do not accept her insistence of “repayment” for a things you do.

If you want to buy the kids things, do so.

If she is going to be weird, just stop telling her what you do. BTW, you owe no justification-- i.e. it’s an early birthday present.
 
She paid me back for it a week later. He kept it.
I think it made her feel better in some odd way. It’s not like a 2 y/o is going to remember this???
 
Thank you. That is pretty much how I have decided to do things moving forward.
 
I think someone posted a similar thought that I had, too.
She does seem to be more close to her granddaughter than her grandson, so this may be her feeling a sense of a guilty conscience. Not that she needs to have one IMO. Like many of you stated, they is a significant age difference in the early years. Things are not going to be equal.

She paid me today, and yet at the same time, she was doing an errand so I ended up giving it back to her.

So bizarre, but Im just gonna let it go
 
It’s not worth letting a cheap $5 toy come between family. It made a 2 yr old happy and that is all that matters.
 
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