Need fellowship, secular relatives are descending on me in about a month!

[Happy2bcatholic]

I’m not sure what to expect or ask for other than words of encouragement and similar stories and advice. I know I should just buck up but sometimes its helpful to share and talk about stuff. See its like this. ALL my life I’ve felt different and so now being a devout Catholic in an ever growing secular extended family is like normal. So like my house is like a chapel - just kidding, but I have a fair share of religious stuff and my extended family hasn’t seen it. Well my brother (very secular!) and I planned this party for my parents for their birthdays at my house since he has a tiny apt.- (more for ourselves, truth be told, so we don’t feel quilty for not throwing one and kinda pressure from our cousins too.) Something small would have been better but invitations are already sent out. So like anyway my cousins are like soooo secular and honestly I’m like soooo put out that most of my cousins ‘dissed’ me by not RSVP’ing me and instead RSVP’d my brother despite the invitations instructions to let me, the owner of the home where the party will take place, know. And like I know some of them will be like ‘oh soooo religious!’ when they see my house. I already get talked about behind my back for wearing some religious metals on a necklace. AND my husband and I will not be attending a wedding of one of my cousins 1 week prior to the party (not planned just coincidence) because my cousin is not free to marry. (We teach the engaged for our diocese and are on the adult ed. committee at church soo we feel it wouldn’t be right for us to go.) Besides most of my relatives will be like ‘it figures’ when they figure out we didn’t go because I’m sooo religious. And I’ve gotten the blessing of my cousin’s Mom and charitably as possible talked with my cousin about why we will not be there. And we only see each other on weddings, funerals, stuff like that. But I feel like I need my house blessed again or something. Or have a spiritual bouquet for all to sign for my parents but others will be put out and my brother will be upset since he is paying for 1/2 of the party. (The last time my immediate family prayed when my brother was around he was soo upset that he wrapped his car around a basketball pole. He keeps vampire hours (sleeps 3am-1pm) and so when he is around we pray before he gets up to not ‘disturb’ his peace. I’ve even thought of having Mass said but there will be sooo many people there that REALLY need confession that they’d probably be receiving the Eucharist unworthily although I don’t really know. So religious wise we’ll probably just stick with the stuff on the walls as a silent witness and that’s it. None of them except my immediate family has seen my house and they are actually used to it. I’m definitely not removing my religious stuff. My friends say my house is beautiful but I’m self-conscience about it around my cousins because they have such beautiful families and so much material wealth and my husband and I are childless, unfortunately, and we are not as wealthy. My one cousin who lives 2 towns over made up a really lame excuse for not coming over for dinner a while ago. And then when we tried to invite her again and said that we had a large Madonna out front of our house the subject was changed. Its just so weird. Its like my brother is the popular one. He was adopted and he has ALWAYS gone out of his way to make me feel like I don’t belong, like as if I was the adopted one and like as if I don’t look like Mom and Dad but the reality is he’s the one who doesn’t look like Mom and Dad. It did a number on me as a kid and it stuck. And now being a devout catholic, its easy when others ‘dis’ me because its like being a kid again. Anyone with similar experiences out there? Thanks.

 

[The_Hidden_Life]

Hi, I can sympathize, I am the only Catholic in a family of assorted Protestant denominations. I have my mother (works in the Presbyterian church) and brother (unaffiliated but attending a Baptist church currently) coming to stay next month.

I have wondered a bit what they will think of our religious artwork and statues. But I realized I just need to let them speak for themselves. If my family makes unkind comments about them, well, hopefully I can handle that with grace and not anger. I think some of it is that you have to become comfortable with who you’ve become: a person of faith. “Be not ashamed of the gospel of Christ,” right?

Would you be embarrassed to have those pictures or statues in your home if Jesus stopped in for a visit?

Try to see Christ in your family members. Welcome them warmly and surprise them with your loving gestures. Act simple if they say something snide. “What’s with all the religious stuff? Are you becoming a nun?” Redirect the conversation. “This is my favorite statue here. I bought it because St. Therese is my favorite saint and it reminds me to pray for patience. Do you like it?” Only a real heel would continue on teasing you after that.

Most people say negative stuff like that because they’re uncomfortable. Just try to put them at ease. Give them a little tour of your home like you were showing a kindergartener his classroom on the first day of school.

Hang in there, and remember, they’ll all be gone soon enough.

Could I ask you a favor? In the future, would you use some more paragraph breaks? It would make your posts a lot easier to read. Thank you.

 

[Viki59]

Hi Happy,
Well, you seem to have a lot of issues going on here. It’s tough to be the only Catholic in the family. My kids are appalled that I’ve converted (AND that I’m voting for Bush – they keep arguing with me about it). Our relatives are mostly Protestant, but don’t visit us much. However we visit them occasionally, and go to Mass instead of their church. I used to go to church with the sisters-in-law sometimes but try to get out of it now as I find long Protestant sermons so boring. (Apologies to anyone who’s Protestant.)
Your brother tries to make you feel as if you’re the one who doesn’t belong? But he was adopted. Maybe he feels like he doesn’t quite fit in and is trying really hard to do so.
I would just ignore differences and concentrate on having a great family get-together. Familial love is something God approves of, and love is the best way to win your relatives. If anyone brings up your decorations, just be matter of fact. “Yes, I’ve always enjoyed that picture of Mary and baby Jesus. It’s reminds me of God’s love for all of us.”
When you’re dealing with non-Catholics, there are always moments when you get your feelings hurt. Actually, probably always when families, Catholic or not, get together, because people are weird with their families, since they know they won’t be disowned. The best thing you can do is take those slights and insults with grace, pray for the people doing them, and don’t let them know it bothers you.
I’ll pray that you have a pleasant visit with your family.
Vicki

 

[The_Hidden_Life]

Vicki, we are on the same wavelength! And in the same state! There seem to be a lot of Washingtonians on the CA forums, have you noticed?

 

[Happy2bcatholic]

Thank you both for your wonderful replies. They are both very helpful. I plan to reread this just prior to the event and do as you suggested. I really think those are great suggestions. I do know there is ALOT going on but I love the suggestion to just see the best in them and kinda assume that they too would love my art work, etc. That’s great.

I"ll try to get more paragraph breaks in the future. Thanks again.

 

[sparkle]

Just love our neighbors as ourselves here friends, regardless of their denomination, or even if they don’t believe in God at all. Be a light for them, don’t hide it under a bushel!!!

God Bless~~~~