V
violetandgandal
Guest
Perhaps someone can give me better perspective on this. We moved to a small town a couple years ago after our children grew up and moved out. I finally found a job as an office assistant in one of the local retail stores, making $6.81 an hour. Even though it was half the money of the job I’d just left and I was reluctant to take it, I figured that they would recognize my worth after a year. A few cents above minimum wage seemed too little for the responsibilities involved. I worked my hardest, taking the inituitive to do many other things. At the end of the year, I was given an excellent review and my “raise” which amounted to 20 more cents an hour.
I’ve had several dissussions with management, but have come to realize that they are not going to do anything about it. They would much rather have a steady stream of new hires who are paid poorly rather than encourage good workers to stay by paying them decently. The store’s turnover rate for this year is over 81%.
Ever since then, I have been off and on dealing with anger and depression. I no longer care about the store. I take no ownership for its condition. I just can’t believe that all of my experience, ablitiies and education----college degree, teaching in the Peace Corps, educating our kids at home, various part-time jobs—count for nothing more than minimum wage. There are kids working alongside me, with less responsibility than me, just out of high school who are making more money than me.
I have looked, and continue to look, for other work, but not much is available in the area. And age is against me. Even another part-time job would be hard to take because where I am, I generally get 30+hours a week even though I’m part-time. I can’t go back to working 15-20 at another store. We need the money too much. And, unfortunately, for the most part, I love what I’m doing, making it even more difficult to leave.
My real problem is what goes on in my head—the anger at being taken advantage of, the feelings of worthlessness, the depression from being my age and only making minimum wage, the thoughts of regret over past decisions (perhaps instead of joining the Peace Corps, I should have gotten into the work force. Should have sent our kids to school and worked instead of educating them myself). I get mad and snippy at co-workers who are making more $ than me even if it’s only a few cents more.
There are days at work when I walk around in a gloom, unable to find anything to smile about.
I get angry with myself for not being able to curb these feelings. Surely, I should be able to remain happy and cheerful despite the circumstances. I think about Jesus’ attitude when he put aside his divinity to become man and didn’t demand the recognition that he deserved. Where I am and what I’m doing is is nothing compared to the lowliness of what he took upon himself compared to what he left.
I think about this monk who was nothing but a doorkeeper, but who became very holy. He didn’t aspire to be anything greater. (Who was he, anyway?). Did he ever have to deal with feeling worthless? And how did he do it?
I think perhaps God has a reason for me still being in this low paying job. There is much more work to be done in my character—humility, patience, cheerfulness. Perhaps I’m still there because God knows I am the only one who will pray for the employees there.
In The Imitation of Christ it says, “If you have Christ, you are rich and he is sufficient for you.” And I know, this earth is not my home and that my reward and riches are in heaven. I know that I cannot expect the world to reward me. I know that my worth in our Father’s eyes is the blood of Jesus. I know all of these things and more and I mull over them. Yet, despite all of this, nothing seems to help. I keep going through cycles of anger and depression.
Does anyone have any good ideas? Thanks.
Mary Fran
I’ve had several dissussions with management, but have come to realize that they are not going to do anything about it. They would much rather have a steady stream of new hires who are paid poorly rather than encourage good workers to stay by paying them decently. The store’s turnover rate for this year is over 81%.
Ever since then, I have been off and on dealing with anger and depression. I no longer care about the store. I take no ownership for its condition. I just can’t believe that all of my experience, ablitiies and education----college degree, teaching in the Peace Corps, educating our kids at home, various part-time jobs—count for nothing more than minimum wage. There are kids working alongside me, with less responsibility than me, just out of high school who are making more money than me.
I have looked, and continue to look, for other work, but not much is available in the area. And age is against me. Even another part-time job would be hard to take because where I am, I generally get 30+hours a week even though I’m part-time. I can’t go back to working 15-20 at another store. We need the money too much. And, unfortunately, for the most part, I love what I’m doing, making it even more difficult to leave.
My real problem is what goes on in my head—the anger at being taken advantage of, the feelings of worthlessness, the depression from being my age and only making minimum wage, the thoughts of regret over past decisions (perhaps instead of joining the Peace Corps, I should have gotten into the work force. Should have sent our kids to school and worked instead of educating them myself). I get mad and snippy at co-workers who are making more $ than me even if it’s only a few cents more.
There are days at work when I walk around in a gloom, unable to find anything to smile about.
I get angry with myself for not being able to curb these feelings. Surely, I should be able to remain happy and cheerful despite the circumstances. I think about Jesus’ attitude when he put aside his divinity to become man and didn’t demand the recognition that he deserved. Where I am and what I’m doing is is nothing compared to the lowliness of what he took upon himself compared to what he left.
I think about this monk who was nothing but a doorkeeper, but who became very holy. He didn’t aspire to be anything greater. (Who was he, anyway?). Did he ever have to deal with feeling worthless? And how did he do it?
I think perhaps God has a reason for me still being in this low paying job. There is much more work to be done in my character—humility, patience, cheerfulness. Perhaps I’m still there because God knows I am the only one who will pray for the employees there.
In The Imitation of Christ it says, “If you have Christ, you are rich and he is sufficient for you.” And I know, this earth is not my home and that my reward and riches are in heaven. I know that I cannot expect the world to reward me. I know that my worth in our Father’s eyes is the blood of Jesus. I know all of these things and more and I mull over them. Yet, despite all of this, nothing seems to help. I keep going through cycles of anger and depression.
Does anyone have any good ideas? Thanks.
Mary Fran
And I am so happy I wasn’t hurtful and that you weren’t offended. I was a little concerned re-opening this thread, to be honest, because I was worried I’d hurt an already hurting woman - not something I wanted to do at all - but wanted to present another possibility. You are totally correct; it is all - ALL - a gift, from our first breath to our last, everything in between…and beyond.