Need help from other Catholics

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Susandellari

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Hi,. I’m not in a great situation and wanted to ask other Catholic parents on what I should do. I’m a single mom with a 7 year old son. I’ve been trying to raise my son to become a good Catholic man. he’s been baptized and was attending a wonderful Catholic school—up until recently when we had to move and change states to be closer to my parents who are getting older. The Catholic Church in our new town is so different than what we used to attend—this Church doesn’t even have the parish congregation kneel—(there are no kneelers) they simply stand instead. The Church is also in a community type circle so I find it confusing to locate where Jesus is and where to genuflect at times when entering —most people here don’t genuflect. This Church is also very outspoken about incorporating politics into the Homily message (which I don’t really like) and they also expect you to all hold hands together during the Our Father. So.,my question is what do I do—is it better to keep trying to attend weekly Mass with my son here? There is not another close Catholic Church within 30 miles of us. I just am worried if he grows up around this sort of thing he will think this is normal for the Church and it’s hard to explain and be teaching my son that Jesus is yes, actually present at the Eucharist —when weekly He is treated with no reverence here. So, do I keep my son attending weekly Mass here or is it better to stay away from this? I know too many grown up Catholics who grew up going to Catholic Parishes like this that end up completely lost and away from their faith. I realize some people might suggest I go talk to the Priest about my concerns—but I can’t do that. I am new in town and most people who attend this church are friends of my family. I am trying to make friends and meet other families and ideally other Catholics would be great to have as friends around. I don’t think it’s good to be a new person who comes along and starts telling others what to do. This Church is pretty established here and has been doing things this way without complaints for a long time. If it was just me, this would be easy. But, I have my sons eternal future in my hands. I want him to stay grounded and grow to love the beautiful Catholic Church. What would you do if you were in my position?? ? Any advice or feedback on how I should be thinking and praying about how to handle this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks:)

Single Catholic mom
 
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If your options are that Church or not going to Mass take him to Mass.

If possible go to a better Church frequently so that he sees how things should be.
 
Does he ever witness you praying at home? Maybe saying the rosary.
 
Was he already learning about the sacraments at your other parish, including the real presence?
 
you’ve got to settle down

please edit your post into sentences/ paragraghes with proper punctuation

some of us (like me) do not have 20/20 vision anymore

Many here english is not their first language

break your post down, shipmate

maybe someone here can help you
 
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Definitely go to mass. Do the things you normally would do (e.g.: genuflect) if you can and where you can’t do them just explain to your son what and why in a way that he can understand. If you are honest with him and without judgment, he is more likely to be receptive. Keep consistent in doing them. Keep explaining if he has questions.

Regarding holding hands… right before the priest begins the Our Father tell your son softly to remember to hold his hands forward in frontbof him towards the altar and you do the same. People will get the idea.
 
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Personally, I would go to the parish that is 30 miles away (is that a 30-40 min drive?) unless you have some extenuating circumstances that would make this too much of a burden (older car, gas money not in the budget, work schedules etc).

In a pinch, you could go to the one closer on weekends where convenience is a must.

PS.-I’m moving your post from the Apologetics forum to the Family Life subforum under Catholic Living.
 
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Hello Susan!

I feel for you.

If I were you, I would drive the 30 miles to the other parish (assuming it was much better) for both Sunday Mass and CCD.

However, if you cannot routinely go to the other parish, I would also watch mass on EWTN as a family so you son can see how beautiful the ordinary mass can be. Pray the rosary at home too, have Catholic statues in the house, etc.

The more Catholic you can make your home, the better your son will be. And make it a point to travel on vacation to places with nice churches to visit so he sees the beauty of our Church.

Also, get a subscription to FORMED.org so your son can watch Catholic cartoons and kids programs. My daughter loves watching the Catholic cartoons.

I will pray for you and ask that you pray for me, since my wife is not Catholic (we married when I was not practicing) and she doesn’t want our kids to be Catholic (but my daughter still loves to watch Catholic cartoons).

God Bless you
 
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I’m sorry you’re in that situation. If it was me, I would drive the 30 miles to the other parish every Sunday. Have you visited that other parish yet? Is it also “modern” like this new one or is it similar to the one you left?

If the other parish 30 miles away is good and reverent to Jesus in the Eucharist, then you should make the sacrifice of driving there every week if at all possible. It will make a big impression on your son.
 
I didn’t read anything in your post to lead me to believe this Church, and the Masses there, are less than legitimate. If it is the style you don’t like, then go to the other Church. I am not sure what the issue is.
 
Every church is somewhat different.
Many people in my parish hold hands during the Our Father. I suspect that it’s just a custom that has grown up, and that father has not chosen to make it an issue. I ignore what everyone else does and fold my hands.

Keep in mind that priests change every few years, so things might change in that parish. Our church has seen a revitalization recently with a new priest.
If you show reverence to the Eucharist, I am sure your son will follow suit. Be sure to discuss it with him occasionally before mass.

As far as politics in the homily, I would say that might be a good thing. Some government officials have tried to limit Christians’ participation in the public square, suggesting we should keep our Christianity inside the church and not let it influence our lives outside of it. If the priest is talking about abortion, help for the hungry and homeless, immigrants, and other issues, we might benefit by it. Of course we must try to become closer to God as well, and the Mass is to strengthen us to face the world, but it might be good to have some guidance on how to conduct ourselves.

I would certainly continue to take your son to weekly mass somewhere, either at your parish or the distant one. Maybe the closer one usually, and the distant one for special occasions like Easter. Can you find a Bible Study to join? Maybe there are some like-minded folks.
And you might look for youth groups for your son when he’s a little older, Is there a CYO camp in your state that your son could attend this summer?
 
Op, I would make sure you attend and register at either parish.

I see your son is 7 so he will be starting to prepare for First Penance and First Holy Communion and mass attendance is important, as well as religious education, either at school or through the parish.

We don’t attend the school parish here, but our youngest will be soon receivibg Confirmation. The rule here is to provide proof of active Catholic, but it may be different by you so check with diocese.

It will be difficult to do if you split attendance at both right now and this is something else to consider.
 
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First of all, I agree with brian that wall-of-text posts are hard to read.

Second, I’m not sure why you’re asking a question. Your options are to go to the convenient church that you don’t care for because it’s too “modern” or drive the 30 miles to a different church that you think might better represent what you want your son to learn. So choose which one you want to attend, and go there.

Or else just take him to the close one sometimes and other ones as you have the opportunity and explain to him that different parishes do things a little differently.

If your son stays a Catholic, he is going to see a lot of churches in his life praying all kinds of ways and in all kinds of buildings. The important thing is that he realizes it’s Jesus appearing up on the altar at every one. Whether people hold hands or not during the Our Father is a minor blip to be honest.
 
Susandellari said:
I want him to stay grounded and grow to love the beautiful Catholic Church.
Click to expand...
That won’t happen if you keep him away from Mass. Find out where the tabernacle is, and set the example in genuflecting. No kneelers is something you’ll just have to live with – it doesn’t affect the fact that Jesus is present. Neither does holding hands during the Our Father.
Please don’t keep your son away from Jesus just because you don’t like some of the externals!
 
I have similar liturgical preferences to yours and I know there was a time in my life that I was guilty of some spiritual snobbery. I’m not at all saying that you are. The piece I was missing was the people and all the things that happened after mass.

What are the parishoners and oureach/charity like? If that parish is too contemporary but bears great fruit, you can always take any chance to visit other masses but use that parish as home base for fellowship, faith formation and charity work. And your reverence could cause a quiet ripple that becomes a cultural change in the parish.

OR the parish could be full of aggressive mutants who cross-stitch pillows that say “Hold my hand or have yours cutt off!” You know what you’re dealing with over there better than me. Good Luck! Your son is lucky you care this much. Just do your best and don’t become overwhelmed by worries about his adult faith life yet. Place all those worries in the hands of Our Lady.
 
I agree with lots of posters here. That the drive up and back is worth it for well-taught Catholic doctrine. Can your parents be by themselves?
 
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