Need Help

[tahoffman01]

Hi! I am new on here and having a huge problem. I am not sure if this is the right place to post this but I am really hoping that someone can help. I am a devout catholic who truly believes and I just found out that my daughter is claiming she does not believe in God at all. Actually, she doesn’t believe in anything! I just don’t understand and I have tried to talk to her and all that we do is argue and fight. I have been praying for help to lead me in the right direction with her but I have a feeling there is not way to get her to go towards God. I am at a complete lost and it is tearing me up inside. I know that I can not change the way she is thinking but does anyone have any suggestions on how I can cope without losing my ming?

 

[Sufjon]

Hi! I am new on here and having a huge problem. I am not sure if this is the right place to post this but I am really hoping that someone can help. I am a devout catholic who truly believes and I just found out that my daughter is claiming she does not believe in God at all. Actually, she doesn’t believe in anything! I just don’t understand and I have tried to talk to her and all that we do is argue and fight. I have been praying for help to lead me in the right direction with her but I have a feeling there is not way to get her to go towards God. I am at a complete lost and it is tearing me up inside. I know that I can not change the way she is thinking but does anyone have any suggestions on how I can cope without losing my ming?

Hi TAHoffman: If it helps, my kids did the same thing when they were teenagers. Both of them. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how they came up with that. They are both quite religious now. I think this is a path a lot of people go through. You have to be careful how you deal with it, or at least that’s my advice.

You are 100% correct in that if you debate her, it’ll only lead to arguments and fights. The most important thing is to maintain your relationship with her. One of the best ways in which we come to know God is through each other, so if the relationship gets messed up over this, it’ll only make it harder. If you push, she’ll avoid you. If you argue, she’ll see religion as a source of annoyance. Just spend time together. Do some things together. Now more than ever, the love that you have for her is your only tool. Don’t rush in on her. If you remember the story of the Little Prince, the fox told the Little Prince how to create a bond with him: “First you will sit down at a little distance from me–like that–in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . .”

Well, there is some good advice I think from a little fox.

As for how to keep from going crazy. Well, just think every day how lucky you are to have your daughter and to have a lifetime to straighten this out. Every day you are both alive is so very much to have and to be happy for. Neither you or your daughter will ever be lost to God. Don’t be lost to each other.

Your friend,
Sufjon

 

[Curious_Seed]

Hi! I am new on here and having a huge problem. I am not sure if this is the right place to post this but I am really hoping that someone can help. I am a devout catholic who truly believes and I just found out that my daughter is claiming she does not believe in God at all. Actually, she doesn’t believe in anything! I just don’t understand and I have tried to talk to her and all that we do is argue and fight. I have been praying for help to lead me in the right direction with her but I have a feeling there is not way to get her to go towards God. I am at a complete lost and it is tearing me up inside. I know that I can not change the way she is thinking but does anyone have any suggestions on how I can cope without losing my ming?

Well, your daughter may be lost and you are distressed, accordingly.

What to do?

The Father is calling her to Himself; just as He did you.

How she responds is independent to her.

What you can do is pray [as I am sure you are] for her salvation and pray for your rest, within the sufficiency of that.

 

[guanophore]

Hi TAHoffman: If it helps, my kids did the same thing when they were teenagers. Both of them. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how they came up with that. They are both quite religious now. I think this is a path a lot of people go through. You have to be careful how you deal with it, or at least that’s my advice.

You are 100% correct in that if you debate her, it’ll only lead to arguments and fights. The most important thing is to maintain your relationship with her. One of the best ways in which we come to know God is through each other, so if the relationship gets messed up over this, it’ll only make it harder. If you push, she’ll avoid you. If you argue, she’ll see religion as a source of annoyance. Just spend time together. Do some things together. Now more than ever, the love that you have for her is your only tool. Don’t rush in on her. If you remember the story of the Little Prince, the fox told the Little Prince how to create a bond with him: “First you will sit down at a little distance from me–like that–in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . .”

Well, there is some good advice I think from a little fox.

As for how to keep from going crazy. Well, just think every day how lucky you are to have your daughter and to have a lifetime to straighten this out. Every day you are both alive is so very much to have and to be happy for. Neither you or your daughter will ever be lost to God. Don’t be lost to each other.

Your friend,
Sufjon

This is absolutely the best advice. Just love her. Be the best Catholic you can be and never waver. Turn her over to God as Abraham did Isaac.

 

[JRKH]

Hi! I am new on here and having a huge problem. I am not sure if this is the right place to post this but I am really hoping that someone can help. I am a devout catholic who truly believes and I just found out that my daughter is claiming she does not believe in God at all. Actually, she doesn’t believe in anything! I just don’t understand and I have tried to talk to her and all that we do is argue and fight. I have been praying for help to lead me in the right direction with her but I have a feeling there is not way to get her to go towards God. I am at a complete lost and it is tearing me up inside. I know that I can not change the way she is thinking but does anyone have any suggestions on how I can cope without losing my ming?

How do you cope? To use a trite “soundbite” - by letting go and letting God.

Seriously, you do need to let go of this a bit. Pray, and exemplify Christ in your life. Don’t argue, but don’t hide your faith either.
You’ve already received someexcellent advice and I’d like to expound a bit on the “don’t push” idea. One can never be “pushed” toward God. It just doesn’t work. We can only be drawn toward God.
So - Love her. Pray for her. Don’t fight or otherwise make religion and/or faith a negative thing. If the subject comes up, speak softly and with assurance. Present the arguments and reasons with charity and clarity. Then recognize that it will take time for you daughter to work through these ideas. It may take years (it did me). But eventually God will call her back.

Peace
James

 

[FaithJoy]

I would need a little info on her beliefs to respond in any detail. Maybe any background if you think it may help?

 

[Blessed1934]

So sorry to hear of your problem. The first thing you should do is pray about it.
I agree with the others here don’t argue, it will only make things worse.
Is there a particular reason she does not believe? Did something happen to make
her lose her faith or has she always struggled with this? Maybe you should
try and speak to one of your parish priests and see what he sugggests. That is just
an idea. It is truly unfortunate when these thinngs happen, but we have to always
try and remain peaceful. Arguing is never the answer as I have found out myself.
Maybe one night you and she should sit down and try to talk about it calmly
and try and find out the root of the problem. Maybe go out for dinner somewhere
quiet and try and find out what is bothering her about it. But like I said before
always always pray to the good Lord for guidance he will always lead you on the
right path.

God Bless you and your daughter!
PS. I will be praying for both of you!

Linda

 

[NaturalEnquirer]

Hi! I am new on here and having a huge problem. I am not sure if this is the right place to post this but I am really hoping that someone can help. I am a devout catholic who truly believes and I just found out that my daughter is claiming she does not believe in God at all. Actually, she doesn’t believe in anything! I just don’t understand and I have tried to talk to her and all that we do is argue and fight. I have been praying for help to lead me in the right direction with her but I have a feeling there is not way to get her to go towards God. I am at a complete lost and it is tearing me up inside. I know that I can not change the way she is thinking but does anyone have any suggestions on how I can cope without losing my ming?

How old is your daughter?

 

[xlost6]

Sorry to hear this. But I think I can step in a add something. For some reason all teenagers will go through the period of doubting the belief in God. For one the child is brought up believing in what their parents believe in and this is what your daughter did. She is at a point in her life where she is searching or finding herself.

Think about it she has so much on her back. Her friends or peer pressure. She has to deal with her friends who are probably non believers to begin with and that has a significant impact on her faith.

What I’m trying to say and I hope this helps is that your daughter will find Christ. It’s going to take time but in the mean time avoid confrontation because all it leads to is confusion and certainly a rebellious spirit. The world we live in today is so twisted in ways (different religions, humanism, etc.). Again your daughter will find Christ.

Me growin up I never understood my Church or what it meant. I liked going because my mom was going. Then I got to my teenage years and I began searching for myself and wanted to be me. That didn’t get me anywhere but it has helped because I learn about Christ myself because I was personally, spiritually seeking out God for help. It even led me home to the One True Church Christ establish here on this Earth for our guidance.

All humans will at one point in there life develop guilt and need guidance and our Heavenly Father is waiting right there with His warm arms wide open for us to come running to!

God is GOOD! Your daughter will find out soon, in the meantime spend more time with her one on one and encourage her and avoid religious talk and let her bring it up but you continue praying for God to move in your daughter’s heart. God isn’t slack in His work. He is watching every minute of our lives because He loves us.

Hope this helps sister…

Bruce

 

[tahoffman01]

How old is your daughter?

15

 

[puzzleannie]

Hi! I am new on here and having a huge problem. I am not sure if this is the right place to post this but I am really hoping that someone can help. I am a devout catholic who truly believes and I just found out that my daughter is claiming she does not believe in God at all. Actually, she doesn’t believe in anything! I just don’t understand and I have tried to talk to her and all that we do is argue and fight. I

key piece of info missing–how old is she?
whether she is 12 or 30 arguing, fighting and nagging will do nothing to change her mind or bring her closer to Christ.

 

[tahoffman01]

So sorry to hear of your problem. The first thing you should do is pray about it.
I agree with the others here don’t argue, it will only make things worse.
Is there a particular reason she does not believe? Did something happen to make
her lose her faith or has she always struggled with this? Maybe you should
try and speak to one of your parish priests and see what he sugggests. That is just
an idea. It is truly unfortunate when these thinngs happen, but we have to always
try and remain peaceful. Arguing is never the answer as I have found out myself.
Maybe one night you and she should sit down and try to talk about it calmly
and try and find out the root of the problem. Maybe go out for dinner somewhere
quiet and try and find out what is bothering her about it. But like I said before
always always pray to the good Lord for guidance he will always lead you on the
right path.

God Bless you and your daughter!
PS. I will be praying for both of you!

Linda

I asked her if there was a reason and all she said was “there’s no proof so therefore I don’t believe”. So we talked some more about it and she gave me the evolution and science theory and I gave her the theory on where did the atom/molecule come from that started all this. All she did was get upset and walked away. I didn’t argue and I just left it alone. I went to my priest and we had a discussion and he wanted to talk to her but she absolutely refuses so I am leaving it alone and praying that she will find the lord and that he will come to her. I feel that pushing her to go speak with the Father will only put a larger wedge in her faith and between us. I will continue to pray. I also have a 5-year-old, who at this time is very receptive, and I asked her to please not discuss this with him and to let him find his own way. So far she has done fine with it but I am scared that she is going to try to push her beliefs on him before he can make his own.

 

[tahoffman01]

key piece of info missing–how old is she?
whether she is 12 or 30 arguing, fighting and nagging will do nothing to change her mind or bring her closer to Christ.

She is 15. I am not fighting with her over it. I am putting in the Lord’s hands and I know he will help me through this and lead me down the right path. I am currently take great steps with my 5 year old son and he is very receptive and loves going and enjoys the time he gets to spend with his friends in the youth group. He told me that this is the best ever (now, trust me I understand he is just five but I am hoping that this will give him the direction he needs). Myself, I never had a very religious background and I seeked out the Lord when I was in my early teens because I felt such a great pull to him. Maybe that is why I am so lost, I was looking for my faith at her age and when she threw it all away I was just astonished.

 

[copperblade]

Very good advice in this thread. I’ll agree with the general sentiment that you should not succumb to despair. Just be the best parent you can be and lead by a Catholic example whenever possible…

 

[Robert_in_SD]

She is 15. I am not fighting with her over it. I am putting in the Lord’s hands and I know he will help me through this and lead me down the right path. I am currently take great steps with my 5 year old son and he is very receptive and loves going and enjoys the time he gets to spend with his friends in the youth group. He told me that this is the best ever (now, trust me I understand he is just five but I am hoping that this will give him the direction he needs). Myself, I never had a very religious background and I seeked out the Lord when I was in my early teens because I felt such a great pull to him. Maybe that is why I am so lost, I was looking for my faith at her age and when she threw it all away I was just astonished.

Sometimes, a parent is just too close to talk rationally about religion. I’ve heard that in times like this, children simply won’t listen to what a parent has to say (partly because that’s just the rebellious spirit of every 15 year old) but they may listen and take in the same information where it comes from another source. It may help to buy a few books about the faith written for teens and leave them around the house where she may see them. Also, it may help if you can find someone that she trusts to talk to her about her disbelief and about the Catholic faith. Just some additional (name removed by moderator)ut. I hope it helps.

Of course, I agree that the best thing you can do is maintain that loving relationship, and pray for her.

Peace,
Robert

 

[Madaglan]

Hi! I am new on here and having a huge problem. I am not sure if this is the right place to post this but I am really hoping that someone can help. I am a devout catholic who truly believes and I just found out that my daughter is claiming she does not believe in God at all. Actually, she doesn’t believe in anything! I just don’t understand and I have tried to talk to her and all that we do is argue and fight. I have been praying for help to lead me in the right direction with her but I have a feeling there is not way to get her to go towards God. I am at a complete lost and it is tearing me up inside. I know that I can not change the way she is thinking but does anyone have any suggestions on how I can cope without losing my ming?

It may help to discover why she does not believe in God. Is she offended by certain teachings? Does she feel it is old-fashioned, not in keeping with the times? Is she doing it as a form of liberation from what she sees as parental and/or societal controls? Does her atheism come from life experience (“where was God when…”)? Does she base her atheism on rationally thinking it over, or is it more something that just slowly developed within her without active reflection? You earlier mentioned her reason of evolution and scientific theory. You may want to look into this further: are these “proofs” she has for an already developed atheism, or has her study of evolution and scientific theory led her to atheism?

Answers to these questions makes a world of difference to choosing the right remedy. I think arguing with her may not be the best solution based on what you indicated. Words perfect in healing and convincing to one person, may distance another person. It takes an experienced spiritual father to discern the best medicine, the best approach to take. My recommendation: talk with a trusted and experienced priest. I believe he would, if not able to provide a quick solution, put the matter in perspective, give advice, and provide hope for the future.