need help

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mynameisenvy

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First of all, I am not a native speaker, so if I make some mistakes, please forgive my Bad English. :rolleyes::(:rolleyes:

I’m a guy who grow up full of hope in my own skills and potencial. People used to encourage me even more, when they said that not only I was a nice person but also a smart and funny people. Mom and Dad raise me as Catholic child but when i became 12-13 years old, I left Church and I didn’t belive in God. Thankfully, my Mom is a person with a lot of faith and she keep praying for my conversation until three years ago when I start beliving again in Jesus.

But, right now, I feel lost and hopeless. All my previous hopes and dreams seems to me illusions and I don’t know where is my place in this crazy world. I realized that I am not that smart and funny as I thought I was, lost almost all my friends, Dad died this year. I don’t see any good future for my me - I have a lot of crazy suicidial thoughts and I’m starting to realize that maybe I need to leave college because I don’t think that I finish my course.

I love God, but my faith is a yo-yo. Sometimes I trust complety in God, but most of the time I’m depressive, without any hope - and worst: I blame God for my life but the truth is that I’m the only one to blame. I’m ugly, weak and dumb and a start to see all the people surprass me to the point that I start to envy most of the people that I know because of their acheviements.
 
mynameisenvy said:
First of all, I am not a native speaker, so if I make some mistakes, please forgive my Bad English. :rolleyes::(:rolleyes:

I’m a guy who grow up full of hope in my own skills and potencial. People used to encourage me even more, when they said that not only I was a nice person but also a smart and funny people. Mom and Dad raise me as Catholic child but when i became 12-13 years old, I left Church and I didn’t belive in God. Thankfully, my Mom is a person with a lot of faith and she keep praying for my conversation until three years ago when I start beliving again in Jesus.

But, right now, I feel lost and hopeless. All my previous hopes and dreams seems to me illusions and I don’t know where is my place in this crazy world. I realized that I am not that smart and funny as I thought I was, lost almost all my friends, Dad died this year. I don’t see any good future for my me - I have a lot of crazy suicidial thoughts and I’m starting to realize that maybe I need to leave college because I don’t think that I finish my course.

I love God, but my faith is a yo-yo. Sometimes I trust complety in God, but most of the time I’m depressive, without any hope - and worst: I blame God for my life but the truth is that I’m the only one to blame. I’m ugly, weak and dumb and a start to see all the people surprass me to the point that I start to envy most of the people that I know because of their acheviements.
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You’ve lost a lot, except for your faith - which you found again. Start with that. :compcoff:
 
God still believes in you…no matter what your present mood is! Take solace in that fact!
 
Praying for you. Please see a doctor. You may need to be screened for depression. When someone is depressed, all seems sad and negative. Depression is treatable with the right medical care. God bless you.
 
I too have had a rough fall…I crashed my motorcycle on August 17 (nothing broken but thrown 30 feet and still doing physiotherapy for it) and three days later my mom - who was the light of my life - died…trust me I know how you feel…add to that boyfriend issues and I’m sure I became depressed…I just went back to work today and while I’m sore and miss telling my mom how my day went, I firmly believe my faith has helped me through this…even though at times I felt deserted by God and was questioning his love, I didn’t give up…I spoke to counsellors, my priest and joined a bereavement group…I also started praying the rosary on a daily basis about two weeks ago and that’s helped as well…trust in the Lord and all his mercy…he will guide you through this, just believe and seek some people to talk to…God bless
 
If you have suicidal thoughts, you should talk to a physician and/or a a professional counselor as soon as possible. You sound as though you may have clinical depression, which is very treatable.
 
I’m sorry to hear that you’re having a hard time right now! It sounds like a lot of hard things have happened in your life recently.

I can relate to, at least in part, some of what you’re going through. One of the hardest spiritual lessons I’ve learned has been that my worth as a human being lies in my being a child of God–not in my smarts, not in my talents. Of course, we all know that on a surface level–that what really matters is our relationship with God, nothing else. But it’s so much harder to live that, especially when you’ve lived by relying on yourself and your own potential for so long.

What I came to learn was that I cannot rely on myself. The only steady thing in my life is God. There will times when I won’t be smart enough, won’t be emotionally stable enough, …and that’s OK. We have to lean on God and He’s waiting with open arms to support us through the hard times as well as the joyful ones. There was a particularly hard time in my life when I am pretty sure I was depressed-feeling–probably not clinically depressed because it passed on its own (but it took a year–that felt like a loooooooong year). (Important note: Although I realize I must rely on and trust in God, I definitely don’t always do so perfectly. Sometimes I fall into my old ways still–it’s like a habitual sin for me.)

Now, you mentioned suicidal thoughts. As others have recommended, perhaps you should go to a doctor. For some people, medication is the right choice. That would not be a spiritual weakness–this could be a purely biological/chemical issue.
 
Your story is one that many of us can empathize with in terms of having our faith come and go, finding out as we grow older that things aren’t as easy as they seemed when we were younger and questioning what to do and where to go next. But, having suicidal thoughts is a concern and I urge you to deal with this immediately. Not sure what is available on your campus but if you have counseling or a medical center I beg you to go and talk this over with them. God bless you with strength and courage I will pray for you.
 
Thank You All 😊

Maybe I really need to seek help, and start going to a psychologist or a doctor, but I’m a bit affraid of medication mainly because of side effects.
I’m a bit afraid about my future, but I also want to be useful and right now, I don’t see how someone like me can become someone and help others. It should be enough for me to be loved by God. Maybe I’m being too much proud, but I really want to honor my family, help others and to be worthy of God - but It seems that the only thing I can do is to waste every opportunity given by my family and God
 
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