Need ideas to make this couple-only time special

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prolifewife

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I’m in a stage of life where I’m trying (really I am :o) to resign myself to the fact that children will most likely not be a part of our married life together. We are infertile, and without a total miracle, children aren’t coming that way. We are trying to adopt, but have already failed twice and can’t try again for a long while. So it will be many years before we can even TRY to adopt a child, let alone how long it takes after that to finally be blessed.

So I’m trying to find ways to make the best of what we have…and that is each other. We are trying to learn how to live as a family of 2, but everything just seems empty without children in our lives. Everywhere we go we see children. We start saying “Wouldn’t this be fun if we had children…” “I’d love to do this with our children…” “That’s what I want for our children…” “Aren’t they cute…I can’t wait until we are blessed…” On and on. It just makes us disheartened and sad. We can see children with us in every situation and everywhere we go and in everything we do. It seems that we can’t get the focus on what what we DO have and keep focusing on what we don’t. We are trying to think of ideas to make this time in our lives special, doing things that couples with children might otherwise not be able to do, but are finding it very difficult. We don’t have much “play” money. So that’s a factor in this too. What are some ways to focus on the togetherness we have, without being reminded of the children we don’t have?
 
I will pray for you, as I don’t have much advice myself.

Is fostering children an option for you?
 
I too will pray for you.
My wife and I are blessed with two boys. When they go to bed, we often like to watch old black & white movies. (Just finished “Treasure of the Sierra Madre” on TV!). We know that the boys – ages 9 and 12 – don’t get into most of those movies, so it’s “our” time together.

Could the two of you do something like that? Become old movie aficionados, or maybe Civil War buffs, or another hobby.

Sorry if this sounds lame; obviously it won’t fill the great longing you feel. But as parents, we sometimes relish the thought of being able to enjoy these small things.
 
first I would like to hug. :console:I can only imagine how hard it must be for you, since I’m not in the same situation, yet I can relate somehow because I find myself in exactly the same state of mind : anywhere I look, I can’t help relating what I see to the time when we, hopefully, will be blessed with children : currently we are TTA, but I am sooooo obsessed with kids !!
It is great that you are now looking at ways of deepening and making the most of your couple relationship with your DH,👍 and I have a few ideas about that :
  • you don’t have much money, and even if I don’t know where you live, I can suppose culture may be more difficult to reach than for us in Paris, yet: would it be possible to deepen your knowledge of our culture ? Visiting museums, looking at painting, sculptures, together, attending concerts… => sharing the beauty and the strength of the feelings that are expressed there ? DH is a great art fan, and even if at first, this wasn’t my thing, I did my best because I know it’s important to him, and it’s really amazing how looking at beauty can become a means of expanding your soul as well as learning to know another side of our spouse’s sensibility !!! There are never two identical ways of looking at / feeling a painting, and sharing your view with your DH is SUCH a great way of letting him closer to you ! Taking a year card at a huge museum (we’re lucky to have the Louvre) may be an inexpensive way of making it possible for you to go and regularly spend 2 hours revelling in the beauty of art.
  • **political commitment **: maybe you could explore this calling ? Every couple is called to some kind of fertility, maybe your fertility is that you will be able to spend much of the time that is needed in order to commit in political life ? Our countries DO need committed, moral people who offer their time in order to promote the Church’s values. Committing together, acting together for the same goal may be such a great way of deepening your conjugal love, there again making you discover another, admirable side of your spouse’s personality (I’m speaking from experience there… one of DH’s dearest dream is to become involved in political life, and to share his involvement with me. Everytime I do something that comes near to it - like just glueing anti abortion stamps in the streets -, his eyes just tell me how amazing he finds me)
  • another sort of **commitment : in an association (homeless people, Church)… **same reasons as above !
  • and even: I don’t know what profession you’re in, but if you’re lucky enough to be able to stop working for quite a long time without having great difficulties to find a job again later, maybe you could consider offering 1 or 2 years of your life and leave together in a Third Wolrd Country in order to help the poorest ? Some associations propose this kind of **humanitarian commitment ** for couples too, and friends of mine (both nurses) left for 2 years in Chile directly after their wedding. This experience was such a bonding time, where they could experience a different kind of fertility
I don’t know if any of these thoughts will be helpful to you, but you’ve got my prayers !🙂
 
Prolifewife,

I think you should stay involved in the pro-life movement. You and your husband can be a strong witness to others. Perhaps others can see in your suffering from infertility the precious gift of life from another angle.

Perhaps you could offer to adopt a baby of someone considering abortion. I understand the cost of adopting can be prohibitive. But nothing is impossible for God. Your local pro-life groups might be able to help financially and help by getting you in contact with a pro-life lawyer who could donate some legal work for you.

Also before you give up on getting pregnant check out the Paul VI institute.

www.popepaulvi.com
 
Thank you everyone for the kind suggestions, prayers and encouragement. They really mean a lot. :hug3: This cross is especially hard right now as we enter the Holiday season, which is often associated with family and especially children. 😦 Thanks again so much. God bless you all.
 
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