Need Relationship Advice

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shell8746

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I am 23 years old. My boyfriend and I have recently started talking about marriage and children. I am Catholic, he is not. He went to a Baptist church until he was about 9, but he doesn’t go to church at all now. I want to raise my children catholic. He seems to have a problem with it. I don’t really know what to do about it. I could really use some advice.
 
See if he is willing to go to talk to a priest about the questions he has about Catholicism, or to go to RCIA. Remind him that it doesn’t mean he has to become Catholic, but it is merely a way to learn more about Catholicism.
 
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shell8746:
I am 23 years old. My boyfriend and I have recently started talking about marriage and children. I am Catholic, he is not. He went to a Baptist church until he was about 9, but he doesn’t go to church at all now. I want to raise my children catholic. He seems to have a problem with it. I don’t really know what to do about it. I could really use some advice.
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Your faith is one of the most important aspects of your life. If i were you, i’d ask him to go to RCIA classes so he can at least understand the Catholic Church. If he truly loves you he should have no problem with that. Let him know it isn’t intended to convert him, it’s so he will understand and hopefully not be opposed to the Church and its teachings.
 
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shell8746:
I want to raise my children catholic. He seems to have a problem with it.
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Shell, If you two do not get this resolved before you get married. If he does not agree to raise the children Catholic and allow you to practice your faith, and if you go in to the marriage with this knowledge, you will be creating a grave sin. Your marriage will be invalid in the eyes of the Church.

His Baptist up bringing will kick in to high gear and he will force you to decide between him and the Church.

Now, I’m not against Baptists, but I would not let my daughter marry one.

PLEASE reconsider this relationship. Do you want a husband who is overly oppressive. From your statement, HE has already set the tone for the marriage, “I’m right, I don’t care about your faith, end of statement.”
 
I want to agree with one of the other posts. Your faith should be the most important thing. Because if it is not then how can it be important for your future chidren, or for your very own future. One of the great callings of married people is to teach and lead their children to God, to make themselves a holy family. That is not to say that you and your boyfriend would not be happy but don’t trade something so important like your Catholic faith in for something less.

It may hurt but this may be a sign that you need to look for someone else.

Remember that we are all called to holiness before anything else. Ask yourself, if staying with him you will be able to still work towards holiness as well as attributing to his sanctification. (Sounds lofty, I know, but we are all called to heaven. Most people would agree with that.)

Well, good luck.

jegow
 
shell8746:

👋 👋 You must resolve this prior to your wedding. I am married to a Baptist. Although he is not a practicing one, and supports us as family by going to mass faithfully with us, including Holydays.

However, it took a long time before we got to this. At one point we were doing Mass on Saturday nights and off and on Services at the Baptist church on Sunday’s… and I mean off and on. My husband wasn’t a die-hard baptist. However, one day his dad finally said to him - be one or the other - not both. It is too hard on the kids. His dad is a fundamental baptist too boot. :eek: :eek:

I have a wonderful marriage and my husband is wonderful, but there is still the division of faiths … and although it is working … you need to make sure you have the support - or a house divided will fall. My hubby is contemplating becoming Catholic but all in God’s time … I am just holding my breath !!!

Marriage is serious and having kids is more so … but you must never - ever jeapordize your faith … and by the sounds of it … you will. Baptist and Catholics couldn’t be any father apart.

Good luck and God Bless. Pray, Pray, Pray and spend some time before the Blessed Sacrament and LISTEN.

Mgeising
 
Some Baptists are raised on a thin gruel of anti-Catholicism. I do not know if this applies to your boyfriend, but it may be an underlying factor in his reaction. Even if he has not been active in his church, that mindset may have been prevalent in his immediate (and extended) family. Will his family attempt to undermine your faith or that of your children? It is extremely important to find out if he feels Catholicism is bad.

Another possibility: those who lack faith often react negatively when forced to confront their decision to ignore God. Your boyfriend may feel he is being asked not only to accept a particular faith for others, but also to come to grips with his own lack of faith. Whatever system of beliefs and “truths” he has formed in his adult years, it apparently did not require a firm belief in God (and all the Truth that flows from that). To be asked to suddenly believe in God and follow that Truth necessarily means that his entire secular belief system is now at risk. Whatever intellectual mountains he has climbed, he is being asked to let go and take a leap of faith into unknown territory. Scary scary stuff for him.
 
You are young and in love. It is often difficult to know which factors are important in life, especially when considering things that seem far off in the future.

At some point you may come to understand that probably the single most important thing you will ever do in your limited lifetime is to guide your precious children onto the narrow path towards God and Heaven. This requires so much more than just shuttling them to religious education classes and weekly Mass. It requires an active faith lived at home by the parents. And given today’s society, shepherding your children is difficult even in the best of personal circumstances.

You also need to appreciate how it becomes nearly impossible when one parent is not only not co-operating, but actually undermining the process (subtilely or actively). This puts your innocent children in a double bind. It’s a situation you and they can’t negotiate without choosing a path grounded in truth. The person who should be the spiritual head of your household won’t be there for you.

So what should you do? Seek the truth. A few hard questions now may save you a lifetime of regret as both your marriage and your children are at risk if this problem is not addressed satisfactorily up front. Seek the truth and it will set you free.
 
I grew up Baptist, and a few years back I dated a Catholic girl. We were very much and love, and got engaged. During the time I spent with her, we talked about our differences in faith. Originally knowing next to nothing about what Catholics actually believe, I was surprised when I found out how many similarities there are between the two. The discussions I had with her opened my heart and mind to listen to God and understand and accept the Church.

Talk with your boyfriend about what he believes and why, and explain your beliefs to him. He should love you for who you are, and if you’re serious about your faith, he needs to know about it and why it’s important to you. If he knows more about Catholicism, then he’ll be more likely to allowing the children to be raised as Catholics.

Just keep in mind that if he’s hostile towards raising the children Catholic, then there’s a chance he’ll also be hostile towards you being Catholic.
 
I was in the exact situation 25 years ago and went ahead and got married. It’s only by the grace of God that our marriage has survived. My husband’s family was also Baptist but stopped practicing when he was around 9 or 10 - they’re basically all pagan and think I’m somewhat of a whacko. I’ve endured many years of attacks on our Catholic faith from both my husband and his family. It’s also been very confusing for the children, even though my husband made a promise to raise them Catholic before we were married (and after marriage claimed he wasn’t serious and only said that so the priest would’t give us a hard time about getting married).
I love my husband but our marriage to this point is certainly not what it could be - I rarely share my faith or love for Jesus with him which is very difficult but do it to keep peace in the houshold. Sad to say if I had to do it all over again the I probably wouldn’t marry him. A good marriage takes three - you, your spouse and Jesus. Human love is not enough, Divine love is necessary and if your fiance doesn’t think that’s important please reconsider. May God Bless You.
 
I don’t think you mentioned what your boyfriend’s faith was like, except that he wasn’t currently involved.
I say, imagine what your life will be like many years from now. I always say to my husband “thank the Lord that your religous.” It is supposed to be the biggest part of my life and I just think the marriage would feel kind of lonely if that one thing, this huge thing, couldn’t be shared. Religion and Catholicism are probably close to being the topic hubby and I talk about most.
And what about the kids? What about the questions they’d have about why dad doesn’t go to church or goes to a different church and about dad’s religion?
Is he a reading man? If he does, start giving him Surprised by Truth and Keating’s Catholicism and Fundamentalism.
 
I was raised by very die hard, strictly by the Bible Baptists. My parents said you will never marry a Catholic. Not only did I marry a Catholic I converted first. That was devastation for them but for me I have never been a more holy and christian person than I am Today. I love my Catholic faith and in fact am still learning and absorbing alot after 8 years. Now my family thinks I have a great husband, father to our kids, and a great provider, not to mention we live a christian life. Do not give up hope on your boyfriend and if religion is too big of an issue for him now hold off on getting married until he has had more time to research Catholicism. In the meantime pray for him. Good luck and God bless you!
 
Dear Shell,

If your boyfried is so inclined have his come and visit the posts all over this website. That way he can see a variety of Catholics, even those who are like me and are former catholics(but who love the Church very much). It can give him a real sense of Catholicism and the large tent that it is.

There are many devout Catholics here, God bless them. We are just on different parts of our individual journeys toward holiness, I hope.
 
I can definitely empathize. I have recently ended a 3 year relationship with a wonderful, devout Southern Baptist, with whom I thought I would spend the rest of my life. Unfortunately, we could never move forward in our relationship because of our religious differences. Like most Protestants, he did not believe in Tradition, the Papacy, Marian devotion, good works, community of Saints, etc…Please don’t be like me and think that this is going to somehow miraculously resolve itself. Prayers are crucial; and I definitely prayed and continue to pray that the Lord will open our hearts and minds to see the Truth; but looking back, I wish that I had been more open to discussing these issues. I was always hesitant because I felt that no matter what my defense was, my boyfriend believed what he believed and was not ready to accept the Truth. Get ready- these discussions can be uncomfortable and may become heated, but you two need to definitely talk it out. It may be easier since it sounds like your boyfriend isn’t a practicing Baptist and may not be “set in his ways”. RCIA is a good idea, but you may want to see if your church offers an Inquiry class which might be more suitable for your boyfriend to go and ask questions about the Catholic faith or you two may want to sit down with a Priest. Some churches also offer pre-engagement encounters. I think this is a great website for him to pose his questions and concerns. There are may books out there that he can read, but I think the most important things are that you two pray, talk, and listen. God bless.
 
In a way I understand where you’re coming from. For years I was in love head-over-heels with a boy who was not just Catholic, he was pagan. No matter how hard I tried to forget him and find someone else, it seemed life kept bringing me back to him.

In the end, what happened was this: I told him that I couldn’t share my life with someone who didn’t share my faith – he knew it all along. Though we were never officially together, I told him we never could be because of our religious differences. It broke my heart and his. Then I turned it over to God and started praying for him.

If you trust in God, everything will work out. If you and he are truly meant to be together, somehow, some way, you will find out. Your faith should be the most important thing in your life, even before the one you love, though it’s hard to do that. God might change his life; he changed my boyfriend’s, and now we’re happily together and he’s looking at joining the Church.

My advice is: DON’T SETTLE. You are a daughter of God, a member of the true Church, and you know that you deserve someone who will respect your beliefs, nurture your faith, pray with you, and raise your children – a proper warrior of Christ is what you deserve. BELIEVE that God will provide. Have faith that He will pull you through. If it is meant to be with this guy, God will let you know.

I know it’s hard to lay down the law. I know where you’re coming from. I have been there. But your faith and the upbringing of your future children is far too important to put on the line. Staying true to God is more important. He will always be there for you – turn the situation over to Him and trust that He will reveal His will.
 
:eek: This thread is over three years old! Please check dates before posting.
 
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