Need some Advice on explaining stuff

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GraceJ

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So, I am a college-age girl who has recently begun dating an agnostic, non-religious guy. He is very nice and we get along very well.

What I would like some help with is figuring out how to explain certain things, such as theology of the body, the sacrament of matrimony (or just the sacraments in general), and maybe some other things.

While I know the gist of those topics, I am really bad at explaining things. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks in advance.
 
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My husband was non-religious when we were dating. (He has now been Catholic for 7 years 🙂)

Knowing that lots of opportunities for religious discussion will present themselves, the two best things you can do are:
  1. Continue to enrich your own faith so that conversations in passing are authentic.
  2. Lay out some parameters.
What I mean by the second one is something to the effect of what I told my husband when we decided to date eachother. “I’m Catholic. I date to find a husband. There are things I won’t do with someone until he is my husband. My husband doesn’t have to be Catholic, but my future kids will be so whoever he is, he will sit in the pew every Sunday and support us. Sorry, that was a lot, but if any of that is a problem we aren’t going to work out.”
 
If you just started dating, you may want to rethink the relationship before you get too involved.
If you are Catholic, dating an agnostic, non-religious guy is not a really great idea to begin with.
Thinking you are going to explain theology of the body, and the sacrament of matrimony to him is inappropriate discussion with someone you just started dating anyway. Way to early to start talking about anything related to getting married.

If you are on a website, asking how to explain such things to an agnostic, you are not ready to date this guy because you do not sound like you know Catholicism well enough to be dating someone that is not Catholic. It is difficult enough to mesh with someone at your age with someone that is Catholic, what you are proposing is highly unlikely to succeed. You would constantly be having to defend your religion.
 
For clarification: We’ve been dating for a month and get along very well. He understands that I want to remain chaste. He also respects that I have faith and does not oppose it.

Two, I’m asking because we are both rather intellectual; being able to explain this is not necessary for our relationship to continue. I’m asking for advice mostly so I don’t completely mess up when talking about it.
 
GraceJ said:
I’m asking for advice mostly so I don’t completely mess up when talking about it.
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  1. Ask the Holy Spirit in prayer to give you the words when you need them.
  2. identify areas you are not confident discussing and actively study those topics.
  3. Spend lots of time reading and reflecting on the Gospels so that your conversion may be perfumed in the fragrance of the Gospel.
 
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If your own faith life needs work, (honestly whose doesn’t?) invite him to learn with you the things you’d like to learn more about. Then the learning becomes something you did together rather than something you are needing to intellectually defend. If he is an intellectual as you say, intellectual curiousity should be enough for him to want to learn things with you.
 
I have found that having a really firm understanding and feel for a topic allows me to be able to explain it much better than when I don’t.

There are areas in which I know the “rules,” but I don’t know much else. I would not attempt to go further than saying, well, this is the rule but I personally do not know how it works.

@DisorientingSneeze gives good advice for both aspects of your situation, and I would add pray for clarification of specific issues you are running into. For example, I prayed to understand the birth control issue, and clarity came to me so I understood the beauty of the Church’s teaching 🙂
 
Annie said:
I have found that having a really firm understanding and feel for a topic allows me to be able to explain it much better than when I don’t.
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Oh yes! If your college Catholic student center has any classes you can take, go give it a try. Especially if they are in a small group. I’ve been in a study group on papal encyclicals for the last three years(not at a college campus just a regular parish). Something about the group setting has forced/allowed me to practice discussing topics I had previously read plenty about but had no practice discussing. Discussing the content with your fellow Catholics in real life really helps synthesize the information we’ve all been trying to absorb and live by.
 
Irishmom2 said:
If you are Catholic, dating an agnostic, non-religious guy is not a really great idea to begin with.
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This is true. Similar to me when I started dating a woman who didn’t want children; no point continuing it.
 
Gripper said:
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Irishmom2:
If you are Catholic, dating an agnostic, non-religious guy is not a really great idea to begin with.
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This is true. Similar to me when I started dating a woman who didn’t want children; no point continuing it.
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I don’t agree that there is no point in her continuing the relationship. A person may choose to date only Catholics, but it is not a requirement. What would need to be taken quite seriously is how lonely it can be to grow in faith when your spouse doesn’t care about it at all. Dating a person gives you time to see a little about how this dynamic will play out. In many cases spouses convert, but in many cases they don’t. You have to be prepared for both if you make that choice.
 
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DisorientingSneeze said:
In many cases spouses convert, but in many cases they don’t.
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I think few spouses convert. When a couple is already married and one of them has this awakening of faith and new enthusiasm, there can be a real butting of heads for a long time. But, they are already married and on the journey of life together. When dating and just starting out, you have plenty of freedom to pursue other options.
 
PennyinCanada said:
I think few spouses convert.
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That may be true. I only know what I see. I’ve seen lots of spouses convert. Atleast 12 in my family and 5 among my friends. It might not be a representative sample. I will say that most of them that did convert were previously of the category “nones” or vaguely christian without any formation.

Aside: readers do not let my account give you false hopes or assurances.
 
The longer you date, the more attached you’ll become. If he wants to continue the relationship, he may go along with whatever faith stuff you throw at him, knowing that as time goes on, you will be more attached. You have the information that he’s an agnostic, non-religious guy. He’s not into religion. A year from now you could be much more attached and see that he’s really not into praying or showing any movement toward being a Christian. Then, as many people do, they say ‘I love the guy and want to get married. He won’t …fill in the blank’. So my advice is, don’t hang around too long. Religion and believing in God comes from the heart. If it’s not there, move on.
 
Finding a life partner is like laying a foundation of a house. Scripture talks about this.

Matthew 7:24-27 New Living Translation (NLT)

Building on a Solid Foundation​

24 “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. 25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. 26 But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. 27 When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”

2 Corinthians 6:14
Do Not Be Unequally Yoked
13As a fair exchange, I ask you as my children: Open wide your hearts also. 14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership can righteousness have with wickedness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?…

Matthew 12:25
“Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand.
 
One of the secrets of good communication is being able to explain things clearly. Here are some tips:
  1. Be specific, so your listener knows exactly what you’re talking about. Express things in precise terms – don’t be vague. Try to avoid generalities.
  2. Give ENOUGH information, so your listener has a complete picture, and doesn’t have to try to second-guess or fill in blanks.
  3. Be consistent. If you contradict yourself, you’re going to confuse your listener. If there are natural contradictions, explain them clearly.
  4. Don’t dodge the details. Some people are detail-oriented and others aren’t, but details are important. One can’t get to know the forest unless they know its individual trees.
  5. Clarify, clarify, clarify. Give straight answers to your listener’s questions. Don’t dodge, and don’t address what isn’t asked. If you don’t know the answer, say so, but only say so if you HONESTLY don’t know. Then look up the answer and share the information once you have it.
Don’t dismiss your listener’s questions just because YOU think they’re irrelevant. If they’re important enough for your listener to ask them, they’re important enough for you to answer them.
  1. Reflect on how you would want to have things explained to you so you could clearly understand them – and be as open as you can when you are the one doing the explaining.
I hope this helps. Good communication is so important, and it’s value and necessity cannot be over emphasized.
 
Ask him to go to Mass with you. Perhaps a Saturday evening time and then dinner afterwards to discuss what all he saw/experienced.

Is he agnostic or atheist though? The difference is rather small, but wholly important going forward.
 
Well, Sacramental Theology would come after basic Theology.

One would not be expected to understand or appreciate algebra if they do not know how to add and subtract.

I’d suggest you start with some articles and suggested books over on strangenotions.com
 
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