K
kellyb32
Guest
Hi all. Some of you already know that I’m pregnant with baby #4. I’ve been battling depression for the last few weeks and without getting into all the details again, seriously considered adopting out the baby because we really can’t afford another child. Well, my doc said that it’s just the depression talking and that I would come out of it, don’t make any decisions while in the state of mind I’ve been in. I’ve had a few days with more up time than down time so that’s a good thing. I go see the therapist on thursday to discuss what’s going on and I see my doc again on monday.
With that out of the way…now that I know that adoption is NOT an option for me or my family anymore, the question has arose for when the baby comes and is baptized.
My mother-in-law ,who is very anti-catholic wants to be the Godmother. She said my family were the only ones asked to be Godparents to our other 3 children so she said it’s only fair that she is Godmother this time.
She has mocked our faith, put my husband down for converting from his fundamentalist evangelical background, even pokes fun at my oldest daughter says things like “What are you trying to be the pope or the Blessed Mother?” She hates the fact her son converted and begged my SIL who came to Mass with us one saturday not to become Catholic because she didn’t want to lose another child.
When we entered the RCC last year, Godparents were an issue for the kids baptisms, there aren’t many Catholics in my family and NONE in hubby’s. Because of his family’s animosity towards us for converting, we didn’t ask one of them to be Godparent. They were invited to the Mass, but only his mom showed up with our niece and nephew she was babysitting because SIL had to work. My MIL sat in the pew and showed absolutely no respect for our way of worship. She rattled her keys and cleared her throat (she does that when she’s upset or nervous) all the time she was there. She left immediately after the kids were baptized because she said she couldn’t stay to see her son make this mistake when he was confirmed.
I was the one last year who had to deal with her over not being asked for the other 3. Because my uncle was the only Catholic male, I asked him to be Godfather while my sister (who was Lutheran at the time) was Godmother to my oldest. My mother and aunt are both practicing Catholics and my dad and brother (both protestant) were the Godparents of the younger 2 kids.
My MIL said that we should’ve asked her, she said it didn’t matter that there would’ve been 2 Godmothers for one kid. I told her that it mattered to me, I didn’t want it that way, even if it were acceptable (I don’t know if it is or not), regardless, I wanted my kids to have GodPARENTS not 2 Godmothers for one child.
I believe that she is only out for her own satisfaction, to have the title of Godmother. She’s hardly over (she lives 5 minutes away)and when she is she doesn’t interact with our kids, she stays about a half hour then leaves because she’s got things to do. She doesn’t ever call to talk to the kids, she doesn’t invite them to her house, nothing. She gets upset when they don’t give her hugs or kisses and it makes comments about that. My parents call or come over a few times a week and ignore me and hubby to see the kids. They’ve established strong bonds with my kids and do so much with them. They take them places, have sleepovers, play with them, etc. They are great grandparents. To top it off, BOTH my mom and dad attend Mass with us each week (even though dad won’t convert). Dad even asked to go to church with me when mom was sick. So you get what you invest into a relationship.
Can anyone tell me what is appropriate in this situation? My belief is that a Godparent should respect the parents beliefs and if anything happens to us, the Godparent is responsible for raising the child in the faith the parents wished their children to be raised in. I know my sister, brother and father respect our decision to become Catholic and will not hinder my children from going to Mass. I could trust them to at least encourage my children to learn about their Catholic faith instead of whisking them off to have them “deprogrammed” from the Catholic faith.
I can’t say that with my MIL. She told me before that she didn’t think we were teaching our kids enough about the bible, because we were Catholic, we weren’t true Christians, and she felt responsible to make sure they were “saved”:ehh: .
She’s backed off somewhat this past year, except for rude little comments here and there (like to my daughter) and she’ll complain about less than perfect Catholics she works with making sure it’s known they are Catholic and not being Christian-like.
I really want my best friend, who is a fallen away Catholic but asks genuine questions about the faith, to be this baby’s Godmother. My cousin who is home from Iraq will be the Godfather.
How can I deal with this? Hubby doesn’t want a war to start if we don’t ask his mom, he said I can tell her if I don’t want her to be Godmother. He’s not supportive of me in much of anything (that’s one reason I’m depressed and in therapy) and he doesn’t think it’s a big deal.
Any suggestions?
With that out of the way…now that I know that adoption is NOT an option for me or my family anymore, the question has arose for when the baby comes and is baptized.
My mother-in-law ,who is very anti-catholic wants to be the Godmother. She said my family were the only ones asked to be Godparents to our other 3 children so she said it’s only fair that she is Godmother this time.
She has mocked our faith, put my husband down for converting from his fundamentalist evangelical background, even pokes fun at my oldest daughter says things like “What are you trying to be the pope or the Blessed Mother?” She hates the fact her son converted and begged my SIL who came to Mass with us one saturday not to become Catholic because she didn’t want to lose another child.
When we entered the RCC last year, Godparents were an issue for the kids baptisms, there aren’t many Catholics in my family and NONE in hubby’s. Because of his family’s animosity towards us for converting, we didn’t ask one of them to be Godparent. They were invited to the Mass, but only his mom showed up with our niece and nephew she was babysitting because SIL had to work. My MIL sat in the pew and showed absolutely no respect for our way of worship. She rattled her keys and cleared her throat (she does that when she’s upset or nervous) all the time she was there. She left immediately after the kids were baptized because she said she couldn’t stay to see her son make this mistake when he was confirmed.
I was the one last year who had to deal with her over not being asked for the other 3. Because my uncle was the only Catholic male, I asked him to be Godfather while my sister (who was Lutheran at the time) was Godmother to my oldest. My mother and aunt are both practicing Catholics and my dad and brother (both protestant) were the Godparents of the younger 2 kids.
My MIL said that we should’ve asked her, she said it didn’t matter that there would’ve been 2 Godmothers for one kid. I told her that it mattered to me, I didn’t want it that way, even if it were acceptable (I don’t know if it is or not), regardless, I wanted my kids to have GodPARENTS not 2 Godmothers for one child.
I believe that she is only out for her own satisfaction, to have the title of Godmother. She’s hardly over (she lives 5 minutes away)and when she is she doesn’t interact with our kids, she stays about a half hour then leaves because she’s got things to do. She doesn’t ever call to talk to the kids, she doesn’t invite them to her house, nothing. She gets upset when they don’t give her hugs or kisses and it makes comments about that. My parents call or come over a few times a week and ignore me and hubby to see the kids. They’ve established strong bonds with my kids and do so much with them. They take them places, have sleepovers, play with them, etc. They are great grandparents. To top it off, BOTH my mom and dad attend Mass with us each week (even though dad won’t convert). Dad even asked to go to church with me when mom was sick. So you get what you invest into a relationship.
Can anyone tell me what is appropriate in this situation? My belief is that a Godparent should respect the parents beliefs and if anything happens to us, the Godparent is responsible for raising the child in the faith the parents wished their children to be raised in. I know my sister, brother and father respect our decision to become Catholic and will not hinder my children from going to Mass. I could trust them to at least encourage my children to learn about their Catholic faith instead of whisking them off to have them “deprogrammed” from the Catholic faith.
I can’t say that with my MIL. She told me before that she didn’t think we were teaching our kids enough about the bible, because we were Catholic, we weren’t true Christians, and she felt responsible to make sure they were “saved”:ehh: .
She’s backed off somewhat this past year, except for rude little comments here and there (like to my daughter) and she’ll complain about less than perfect Catholics she works with making sure it’s known they are Catholic and not being Christian-like.
I really want my best friend, who is a fallen away Catholic but asks genuine questions about the faith, to be this baby’s Godmother. My cousin who is home from Iraq will be the Godfather.
How can I deal with this? Hubby doesn’t want a war to start if we don’t ask his mom, he said I can tell her if I don’t want her to be Godmother. He’s not supportive of me in much of anything (that’s one reason I’m depressed and in therapy) and he doesn’t think it’s a big deal.
Any suggestions?
). I do like the previous poster’s suggestion of RCIA, it sort of makes her choose to comply or be taken out of the running. She might be huffy about it, but you can stress the requirments of your faith.
:dancing: You have certainly been in my prayers over the last couple weeks and I have a strong feeling that the pain and struggle you are going through now will yield fruit and this child will be a very special blessing to you.