Need some advice

[ShanaA1984]

Hello friends,

I come to you with a problem that I need some help with. At the end of this week my mother will be moving to the town next to the one I currently live in and she expects me and my daughter to move in with her. I personally do not want to do this because our relationship has been rocky my whole life and the very idea of me living with her makes me sick and depressed. In the past when I have lived with her she has been controling to the point that I was not able to get a job unless it was around her schedule, when I have had a job she has taken my paychecks and has left me with nothing to pay my bills because she thinks she deserves all my hard earned money. Now I am in school trying to get a degree to be a R.N. and she is trying to dictate when I can take my classes. Not to mention the fact that she undermines my authority with my daughter (my daughter is 4 and has learned that if mommy says no she can just go to nana to get a yes, in fact my authority has been so undermined by my mother and sister that my daughter will go to anyone available even a stranger to get a yes). Now my problem is how do I tell her that I can not live with her and still be charitable?
Sorry this is long any advice is welcome. Thanks in advance.

 

[Aggies08]

“Mom, that will not be possible. I will not discuss this any furthur.” “If you bring it up, I will end the call” firm voice, repeat. FOLLOW THROUGH- if she keeps on it, warn her you will hang up, then DO SO. Continue to do so whenever she brings it up.

 

[Lancer]

People treat us the way we have trained them…to treat us.

Simply, you now have to retrain her. I would not frame your rejection of the offer to live with her with words like “…I cannot…” or “…its not possible…” but rather “…I do not want to…” or “…I choose to live in my own place with my daughter…”.

You are justified in what you want and must do so for your peace of mind and heart…and for your Mother’s peace also.

I would additionally tell her that when you invite her…she can come and visit…but only when it fits your schedule and your activities with your daughter. Also, you will be glad to visit her at her home…when it is convenient for both of you. All visits with her will be predicated on her respecting you as the mother of your daughter and if she does not consistently respect that…there will be no visits. The first time she breaks that condition…leave. She will quickly retrain her self…she just needs to see that you are resolute. God is not going to judge her on how she she raised her granddaughter …but He will judge you.

As Michael Corleone said: “…its not personal…its strictly business”…the business of you leading your life…the life God gave you and will hold no one accountable for it…but you.

I greatly admire your current endeavors to continue your education…I know that is not a “walk in the park”…its tough and tiring…persevere in prayer, practicing your faith, and in faith, hope and charity.

For your consideration
Pax Christi

Romans 8:28
Knox Bible (KNOX)
28 Meanwhile, we are well assured that everything helps to secure the good of those who love God, those whom he has called in fulfillment of his design.

 

[JRKH]

The best and most charitable way in this case is going to be the direct way…

Good ideas presented above…and they all come down to this"

“Mom, Thank you for the offer, but no we can’t live together.”

She will inevitably want to know why…To which you can simply respond, “Because I’m comfortable where I am”. Then simply don’t budge from that position.

The comments above about “retraining” are right on the mark. But be prepared for some bumpy times.

Peace
James

 

[Bill_7154]

I suggest you consult a Priest.

God Bless,
Bill