Need some advise on how to have charity and truth both.... Please read

[datingtrappists]

So, the situation is this… There is a gentleman that I have known for a little over 6 years. Both of our parents have the same occupation, and thus conventions each year where everyone in the union all over the country meets for whatever they do… that’s where we first met. We first became good friends (and only good friends), but like a lot of relationships between members of the opposite sex, sparks eventually started to fly, and we began a long distance relationship (we live about 500 or so miles apart, and only saw each other once a year). Well, a few months later (the same year we started dating… approximately 2005-2006), he broke up with me over the phone, and I put him out of my life for the time being. About 4 months ago, we reconnected again, via the magic of Facebook. I soon determined that I still had a candle burning for him, even though I had suppressed it for a few years. A couple months ago, I was at a Chant workshop in DC… he lives in Baltimore, and we saw each other. At that time, I made plans to go up to Baltimore to see him after our Christmas break started. Also, at that time, I wanted to go see him…

Now, the time that we weren’t in contact, I started discerning a religious vocation (a little over a year ago). The time we first reconnected, I was seriously questioning my vocation, and actually matters of faith in general. The past month or so, thanks be to God, I have been slowly regaining what faith I had lost, and have become more resolved in my pursuit of discernment, and I am now about 90% sure, at least from my side, that I have a vocation. My spiritual director, and at least two other vocation directors from two separate convents have stated they thought I had a vocation as well.

Now the situation is this… I no longer want to go to Baltimore, and I’m not quite sure how to tell him. I know for sure that text message and e-mail is a bad medium , but other than that, I am unsure how to break it gently. It’s not that I never want to talk to him again, but I think for both of our sanity, it would be best for us to not communicate, at least for a while.

So, again… please help!!! And thanks in advance for any help and advise!

 

[Arlene]

I think in this case truth and charity should not be hard to accomplish together. Just tell him what you wrote here, that over the years you have come to be discerning a vocation. Since you have not completely made your decision, there was a window of doubt which coincided with connecting with him again. But it is not fair to him to pursue a relationship when you are seriously considering a religious vocation.

There was a thread on here a while back about if it was right for a guy who was discerning priesthood to date. I’m pretty sure the consensus was that it wasn’t fair to the young lady. I see this the same way, and it is totally charitable to tell him that it wouldn’t be fair to him to get involved with you who might be going in a whole different direction.

 

[datingtrappists]

Arlene, thank you for your reply and advise… I’ll search for that thread when I have time (I need to get ready for school).

Any advise on how not to feel like a total jerk-wad when doing this? I know that I am not completely responsible for his (or anyone’s, for that matter) feelings, but I know that my actions can have an effect on how others feel… I know there are amorous feelings still from his end (he had said as much), and I do still care for him a great deal… I just don’t want to hurt him, but I know that there is a good chance that I will.

 

[Arlene]

If he has feelings for you, he’s gonna be hurt. No getting around that. But the kindest thing is to be honest with him so he can get on with his life.