Need some opinions in regards to a vasectomy

[Farmerswife]

So trying to make a long story a little less long, here it is.

I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and along with that came extra weight, high blood sugars, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. After I had two high risk pregnancies we had a talk with my OB who said another pregnancy could be dangerous to me or a baby. We were not willing to take that risk but were not happy with our options. NFP was out because of my PCOS it does not work for me. Birth control was out because of my health condition, none were safe. Not being with my husband was out because I didn’t want to put our marriage through that, right or wrong. The only option was sterilization. I was not healthy enough to go through the procedure so my husband decided he would. Though I know it hurt him spiritually. It hurt me too. Something has been keeping us both out of the confesional about this though and I know it is deeply hurting us every minute we do not confess. This was about two years ago.

To add salt to the wound, I now had a procedure that has taken care of, or at least put into remission, all of my symptoms and side effects. I had no idea at the time of the vasectomy that this was even an option to me. At this point, I could in fact make it safely through a pregnancy, so they say. We are so deep into this and we do now fully regret our choice. Even if made for what at that time was the right reason.

I know the simple answer to this is to get our behinds to confession. But I just keep wondering if that is enough? And under our circumstances, how bad was that decision we made. Should we consider a reversal? Should we meet with our Priest and see what he says? As far as wanting more kids, we had a hard time getting the two we have have and feel blessed to have them. We came to the conclusion that they were more than enough. But of course that is not our choice to make.

Could I get your opinion on our situation, please? Thank you.

 

[Cupofkindness]

I’m praying for you and your dear husband, Farmerswife. It sounds like you both have a lot going on now. Making good use of as many Sacraments as are available is wise. We cannot underestimate the grace received thanks to the Sacraments. Also, would you mind sharing what the procedure was that you underwent to improve your condition? PM me if you wish. Thank you.

 

[The_Bucket]

Are you contrite? Then go to confession and have done with it. Your husband is not required by Canon Law to attempt a reversal, though of course that’s up to you two if you decide you want more children.

Understand the sin, be sorry for it and confess. Then put it behind you and don’t dwell on it.

 

[Farmerswife]

Thanks for the response!

I had gastric bypass. Losing the weight and “rerouting” my system has taken all of my health issues away, for now. I’m coming up on a year since the surgery and I just pray I continue to do this well. I eat right and exercise and pray. Thats about all I can do!

 

[Farmerswife]

Are you contrite? Then go to confession and have done with it. Your husband is not required by Canon Law to attempt a reversal, though of course that’s up to you two if you decide you want more children.

Understand the sin, be sorry for it and confess. Then put it behind you and don’t dwell on it.

Thank you. I know we will both feel alot different once we get into confession. Not only have we been in mortal sin because of the vasectomy, but also for partaking in communion since. It is doubly hurting breaking our spirit and promises to the Church.

 

[Rence]

Just from going by all you said in your post, if I were you, I’d definitely seek the counsel of a priest so that you can reconcile with the Church. You already seem to regret everything you and your husband have done. You need to go to confession, and your priest will tell you that as well.

Reversing the vastectomy is not a requirement of the Church, but again, from your post, it seems that you and your husband would like to do that. So if I were you, I would research how to go about doing that.

I’ll pray for you and your husband And I’m really really glad that you’re feeling better!

 

[Cupofkindness]

Thanks for the response!

I had gastric bypass. Losing the weight and “rerouting” my system has taken all of my health issues away, for now. I’m coming up on a year since the surgery and I just pray I continue to do this well. I eat right and exercise and pray. Thats about all I can do!

FW, that’s great! There are a lot of benefits to the GB/lap band type surgeries and for those who succeed (not all do for a variety of reasons), the changes to one’s health can be astounding. Congratulations!

 

[anon_adam]

This is a tricky and unusual situation. I certainly don’t know the answer. But I am convinced that going to confession and talking with your priest will only make things better.

God bless your whole family!

 

[Farmerswife]

Thanks everyone for your encouraging words. It’s weird how you can know what you are suppose to do but need that extra confirmation. I don’t know why we have been holding back on confession for so long. I think we have just been trying to ignore the fact that even in our unique situation, it was a poor choice. We do completely feel remorse and regret and I will make a point to get to confession this week. Maybe even get a counseling appt. with our priest too.

 

[jwashu]

Just from going by all you said in your post, if I were you, I’d definitely seek the counsel of a priest so that you can reconcile with the Church. You already seem to regret everything you and your husband have done. You need to go to confession, and your priest will tell you that as well.

Reversing the vastectomy is not a requirement of the Church, but again, from your post, it seems that you and your husband would like to do that. So if I were you, I would research how to go about doing that.

I’ll pray for you and your husband And I’m really really glad that you’re feeling better!

Exactly what I was prepared to type!

Joe

 

[joandarc2008]

Congratulations on the improvements to your physical health - I don’t have an answer but I will offer prayers that with Pastoral counseling that your spiritual health may soon be equal to your new found physical health.

 

[Rence]

Thanks everyone for your encouraging words. It’s weird how you can know what you are suppose to do but need that extra confirmation. I don’t know why we have been holding back on confession for so long. I think we have just been trying to ignore the fact that even in our unique situation, it was a poor choice. We do completely feel remorse and regret and I will make a point to get to confession this week. Maybe even get a counseling appt. with our priest too.

I think I might know whay you have been holding back from going to confession. You’re afraid of being criticized and rebuked. And you might be, but hopefully you will be rebuked kindly and gently but firmly guided to make things right. But don’t be afraid because that’s part of a priest’s job: to guide the lost back to the Church.