Need Spiritual Help

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aliciar

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Hi, I am trying to return to the church. I have never really left, just need to go to mass. See, my mother divorced my father when I was four years old due to him beating her and for alcoholism. She brought me to the States where she married my stepfather. Although they are catholic, they weren’t practicing. My mother had me on birth control when I was 17. She did explain to me that its best to wait until I marry, but if I decide to have sex, to talk to her for birth control. Not once did she ever advised me about the teachings of the church. We never really went to church. I had my communion and confirmation done when I was 14. We went a couple of times when I was in jr high. But my parents couldn’t go to receive the eucharist because they are not married in the church. She had my younger brother and sister go to catholic schools, but my sister lived with her boyfriend before they decided to get married and she is still on birth control because she is not ready to have kids. I am the only one who is trying to get closer to Jesus. I myself got married when I was 21. My exhusband was verbally abusive. He had his parents and some of his sisters live with us. As much as I tried, I couldn’t get along with the sisters. We had two children together. Many times I wanted to leave him because he would always yell at me for dumb things like I didn’t cook something right or it takes me forever to finish a project(wash dishes, clean house, etc). He never hit me, but I have scars from him. The best years of my life was from the time I left high school up until I married. I found a church where they had meetings for the adolescents and young adults like me. I met the best people. people that supported me like my mother never did. Sadly, after I married my exhusband, I had to stop going because although he was catholic, he was also jealous and didnt want me hanging with them. they wree not bad people. He divorced me when I was 24. I fell into disgrace because I was alone, looking for someone to love me and accept me. My friends were all married and busy with their families so I felt left out. Later, me and my ex got back together for a while, then he went to mexico where he got another woman pregnant and so I had to leave so he can bring her here.

I haven’t been to church for a while because I work alot. The churches here are far and I don’t have a car or anyone to take me there so my only alternative is to watch mass on tv. I became pregnant from a man who claimed he wanted to marry me and I have his child and he never told me he was married. He left for mexico and I am raising my daughter by myself. I feel so alone. I want to come back but I feel really unworthy. I feel like I don’t deserve to be in God’s presense. I mean, I am not a bad person. I love people, tend to forgive people alot for things they do to me. I never murdered or really hated anyone. I don’t judge anyone. I don’t steal and I believe that abortion is evil. I just feel that I didn’t have a positive role model in my life. I would have if I lived my life in Mexico instead of here. In mexico, most everyone are devout catholics who don’t believe in abortion or birth control. I need help.
 
Please talk to a Priest and go to Confession.The Beating,Ridicule and Cruscifiction of our Lord Jesus makes us worthy to approach God.As a person you have God given Dignity.You have value and worth.Your life is not over and our Lord loves you.Please talk to a Priest.I will be praying for you.May our Lord give you peace and Blessed hope.Rocky.
 
I will most certainly pray for you. I know it is difficult to get to a church, but please go to your phone book and call one. Talk to a priest. You belong back in the church. Jesus will heal you of your pain. I too have felt very unworthy to approach Jesus, but the devil will always make us feel like that. Jesus wants us to come to him.

So call a priest ask for spiritual advice, and what can be suggested to improve your situation. It will get better, sometimes we need to take that first step. Try praying the rosary daily. Our Blessed Mother will help you.

Your situation is familiar to many. But you may feel isolated, like you are the only one. I too have been through abuse too in my marriage. My husband and I are still married but seperated for the time being. No intention of a divorce, just need space and time to heal. But please pray, keep Jesus in your heart. Bring Jesus to your children, and Jesus will make things better. I also know how it feels when you have no one to go to because people have families of their own or are too busy. Just keep praying. You’ve done the right thing, you’ve reached out, so now more people can pray for you:thumbsup:

May God Bless you and deliver you from this situation.
 
All this hurt and pain in your life, and yet you still have this desire to know God more fully instead of turning to bitterness like so many choose to. How wonderful! God is going to meet you where you are. If getting to Church is an issue right now, yes continue to watch it on TV. If you have regular access to internet or TV, watch EWTN. Call a parish near you. Explain your situation. If they are not helpful, call the next closest parish to you. Someone will help you get to church. Visit the Catholicscomehome website. They may have resources for you. The best gift in life you can give your kids is to raise them in their Catholic faith. More importantly than the toys or clothes you buy them, or the size of the house you live in is for them to participate in God’s church and live his love everyday. It sounds like they do not have much of a father figure, this is where God will step in and be a heavenly Father to them. And to you too, you are never too old to crawl into Father’s arms.
What state are you in? Perhaps someone on this board can help out if they live near you.
 
Praying for you aliciar. None of us are really are worthy of God and his great Mercy, but he offers and gives it to us freely if we just turn to him. God wants us to turn to him and to help us. Continue on the path of doing what you can to get back into the Church. I think calling up a Priest from a nearby Parish and seeing if you can meet with him somehow would be a helpful step. Explain your situation and see what he can advise. Continue praying, learning about the Faith, and doing what you can to participate in the Church life the best you can.

You will be in my daily prayers…
 
Thank you for the response. Its very hard when there is no one to turn to. I used to be able to talk to a nun who was dear to me but she died a few years ago. And I also was able to talk openly with a priest and a deacon I knew when I was single and without kids. They knew of my struggles with my ex husband. The deacon is now in Sacramento with a former bishop from Salt Lake, and the priest went to Colombia. I am afraid the preist might be too harsh. I live in Utah and many catholics like my mother, don’t practice their faith. The closest church to me is a mormon church and I’ve had alot of pressure from missionaries to come talk to me about their faith even though I tell them I have my own faith and nothing and no one is going to change that.

I remember one time when I was barely out of high school and the catholic church my parents were members of had a singles group, the head of that told me I couldn’t join because I had to be 21 because they go drink. I really didn’t like that because i wanted to go into something single in my own religion. But then I discovered another parish, Sacred Heart, were I met many Hispanic young people between the ages of 15-30. They welcomed me with open arms. I didn’t need to be 21 to join. I went to all the masses and celebrations. I joined the choir even though I cannot sing. One time they asked me to read a verse in front of mass one time and that wasn’t easy because I don’t do good infront of a large crowd. I love all the hymns and I love to sing.

But, yes, I watch alot of EWTN. I wish they had a local catholic channels so I don’t need to rely on cable to get it. Here in Utah, they can watch BYU(mormon channel) and the other christian channels, but not catholic. I am sure that if I were in another state, there would be catholic channels and radio stations. If I were in Mexico, I’d be going to church daily and praying alot. I miss the times were the women had to go to church in veils. I do love the catholic church. I can never leave it because no other church praises the Virgin like we though and I need my MOTHER to help me. I do so desire to be a wife. I failed in my first marriage but I’ve always dreamed of belonging to someone and not be separated until death. I am not a woman who has a lot of wants. I could do without alot of goods. All I want is a job, a computer so I can communicate better, be able to travel to and from mexico whenever I want, and I have a deep love for animals. Thats all I really want in life. No fancy cars or houses or clothes.
 
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