Need suppot, husband is struggling with pornography

[LoveFirst]

my husband of 9 years just shared with me that he has sturggled his whole life with pornography and self pleasure. He is seeking help to change his behavior. I love him and by his side as he is having to deal with alot of guilt, anger and depression right now. What can i do to be supportive and helpful?

 

[beehumble]

Here is my opinion on it:

Have him go to confession. You can go to, to make it easier for him to go if he is hesitant (of course each goes in alone!) He needs to remember that priests have heard this one before and quite often too, so don’t be afraid or squeamish to confess it - just say it.

Then make it a monthly confession thing - the first Saturday of the month is good for this - helps one to remember and also is the Fatima devotion.

Together pray the daily rosary (one time around the beads)

Fast together on Wed and if possible also on Friday on bread and water, or if cannot go without coffee, try bread and coffee at first, then try to work up to water later. If cannot do both days at first, do it on Wednesday and then try to work up to including Fridays.

Sunday mass and other days of obligation - be sure to do these, if not already going.

(P.S. **The fasting is a very important, integral part of this ** - Jesus said sometimes both prayer AND fasting are needed. This is most likely one of those times. He will be tempted in various ways to break the fast - but stick with it, even if desire to view those things diminishes or goes away.

** Many people fighting this problem forget or don’t know they should fast as well as pray.

It will not be fixed overnight - it took years to get where it’s at. There will be ‘fumbles’ but pick up the ball and keep running - keep doing the above list. Each month hopefully you will see progress - see less of this sin. It will take an effort of the will along with the grace obtained from the above he must do the above but also try hard to avoid it.)

God bless you.

 

[The_Bucket]

First off, if he just confessed out of nowhere, can I say kudos to him? Because seriously, if he came forward with no impetus except that he was sick of it, that’s fantastic. It took me nearly losing my family to finally deal with my own pornography addiction.

Encourage him to yes, get to confession, get a spiritual adviser and attend a local S-group meeting. I found that the CAF forum on impurity addiction is also helpful; after all, my addiction centers on Internet porn and really nothing else, so turning my time on the Internet into something that actively battles the addiction is great.

 

[Regi]

Look up the books and dvd talks from Matt Fradd on Catholic Answers. He is a great help to those struggling with this type of issue.

Prayers for oyu and your husband at this time.

 

[TomFromMD]

Not to belittle the above, which is all good, but from a practical standpoint, are you guys making love fairly frequently? More to the point, would he consider it fairly frequent? More frequent sex may help him with his urges (1 Corinthians 7:5, emphesis on the second half).

 

[The_Bucket]

Not to belittle the above, which is all good, but from a practical standpoint, are you guys making love fairly frequently? More to the point, would he consider it fairly frequent? More frequent sex may help him with his urges (1 Corinthians 7:5, emphesis on the second half).

Wrong, wrong, wrong. Take it from a guy who is actually a porn addict and, like the OP’s husband, struggled from adolescence. There was a period of time where I was not “active” in my addiction because I distracted myself from it. Constant exercise, going out to parties, getting more social and eventually dating and marrying my wife. But once the responsibilities of real life hit, I was overwhelmed with fear and returned to my drug of choice. Frequency of sex had absolutely nothing to do with it.

I’m not saying that frequent relations, if possible, is not important. It is. It’s important for the bonding of the spouses. And if it reduces concupiscence on the margins that’s fine. But for someone who has a long history of addiction/struggle with this issue, more frequent sex is not going to root it out.

 

[MichaelHowling]

First off…let me say…HE’S VERY LUCKY to have a spouse being kind to him through this and willing to help! That’s going to do more good than almost anything because he’s going to recognize unconditional love…something worth dying to self about~! Be firm in all of this, but always kind.

I’m posting a previous post of mine that you can use:

It’s a very common sin …any priest will tell you.

Our society is so highly sexed and offers us ways to tap into lust on tv, movies, internet, our phones secretly and has become a breeding ground perfect for someone to fall into these types of sins and persist in them until they become habit forming and leaving the victim wondering “what the heck happend! I’m in chains!”

Know its a very common sin…and a very EASY sin to fall into slavery for because it’s so connected with our physical bodies workings.

You fall into it over and over because a few reasons:

1. It may take some time…but if you are serious, you should see the time range between sins getting farther apart.

2.you have not made a sincere act of willing to change your life…meaning u are willing to maintain some changes:

a, staying away from pornographic sources ( you know where they are ! …if that means putting content blockers on tv or internet…or even being willing to get rid of them altogether…then that’s what it will take or you should not be willing to go to confession until you are willing to do so.

1. You are probably supressing your pent up energy and feelings and desires and not redeeming them. You need to understand why your body acts the way it does. I suggest looking into “Theology of the body” …there is a reason God made us the way He did and why we have the desires we do! The devil has twisted a beautiful thing within you! Here’s the good news…if you permit God to untwist it…you can focus and direct this great power within you and your spirituality will soar! You will have an amazing spiritual growth spurt fighting and overcoming this!

christopherwest.com/

Christopher west teaches about theology of the body…HES AWSOME! This website has LOADS of info on it. There is a 20$ DVD called “winning the battle for sexual purity” BUY IT! I’ve also found a 10 CD set breaking down the popes teaching on theology of the body for like 3$…it’s amazing… if its something that interests you…I suggest finding it.

Some suggestions:

a GOOD confession…one at which you are willing to rework your entire life. When you get home…you get rid of everything that tempts you (because this sin begins at the level of thought).

This is going to sound silly …but trust me. How you live your daily life needs to change: If you have a messy room/ home…clean and organize it, start keeping track of appointments on a planner, plan out your day and plan a day in which you can keep busy (lazy, sloppy and unorganized life sets u up to fall especially when you have lots of time on your hands ) .

Exercise! believe it or not…exercise burns off lots of our pent up energies

Lastly…start to practice fasting. If you can begin to permit your will to tell the body what to do…your will will get stronger and your body will listen to you more.

If you can start studying theology of the body so you understand why we have the urges and what they mean…the untwisting can begin (along with the sacraments and DAILY praying about this) and use my above suggestions… I can gurantee results.

Remember this is going to be a process…AND it’s a process that will allow you to come closer to God through all of it. Every day at the begining of your day say a little prayer asking God to give you strength and to conqure your temptations and to not treat his daughters in such a demeaning way and to help purify your heart. And thank him every night and rededicate your entire body , and feelings, thoughts to His service.

Oh, also…when temptations come… try saying a prayer like this: "Lord I offer this temptation to you and I’m willing to suffer it in atonement for my sins and for the conversion of all my brothers and sister caught in this trap of slavery "

lol, its spiritual jujitsu…you’re taking the devils temptation and causing him to lose souls!

 

[Lady_Love]

I suggest finding the nearest Alanon group near you. Alanon is for “those who love an addict.” It is a support group that helps you to be truly helpful. They support you to support your husband in a way that will actually help and not cause more problems. Alanon was originally for spouses or children of alcoholics but it applies to all addictions.

 

[LoveFirst]

Thank you sooooo much to all who have replied! i greatly appreciate all of the help and advice.